My Life
by xXErineilXx
Summary: What would it be like if two famous Saw charcters were my parents? Insanity. Rated M for obvious reasons...and because of the nature of Saw in general. Mostly AU. Yes, this is a self-insert. Don't like, don't read.
1. Intro

**A/N:** Be prepared for an extremely lame similie...

**

* * *

My Life**

*CRASH*

My eyes sprung open like a Reverse Bear Trap. I looked over at the clock. 4:19. It is way too early for my parents to be doing something stupid. I trudged out of bed and down the stairs. I see Amanda Young, my mother, taking apart her watch and John "Jigsaw" Kramer, my father, using a screwdriver to adjust something on a trap. Amanda looked up once I reached the bottom step.

"Oh good morning Izzy!" She said, a little too cheerful for four in the morning.

"What the hell are you guys doing now?!" I snapped.

"Someone's a Miss Grumpy this morning…" Amanda muttered.

"What does it look like we're doing Iz, visiting France?" John laughed at his own joke, but quieted down when he realized no one else was laughing with him.

"This trap is gonna be a good one!" Amanda cheered. "It'll rip the victim's eyes out if she doesn't complete her task!"

Suddenly we heard an awful noise coming from the laundry room. You could hardly call it a laundry room though because the washer and dryer and been removed and converted into a trap. I ran to check and as it turns out, one of our dogs, Elvis, had thrown up.

"MOM! Elvis threw up!" I screamed.

"Oh shit, I knew I shouldn't have left that severed arm on the coffee table…" Amanda cursed. I remembered the other day her and John brought home someone's arm that had been cut off to save her life. I believe it was a woman named Simone. I knew this because I had snuck out with my parents that night to 'work', where they set up their games and put them into action. Sometimes I slip into their truck unnoticed, and by the time they find me, they have no choice but to allow me to go. Other times they personally invite me to go to help me understand some games a little better. They call it 'a learning experience'. I don't argue. But occasionally they catch me sneaking out and don't let me go because I 'need a good night's sleep' or something like that. Those nights I don't end up going to bed until 12 am or so anyways because my parents tend to not get home until 2 anyways. Sleep is generally at random times for them. Sometimes they go to bed right when they get home, but sometimes they sleep at a random time like 11 am. It doesn't matter too much if they're not awake when I wake up for school at 6:30, because I'm a pretty independent person.

This isn't to say that we don't spend any time as a family however. Just the other day, we went out to eat on a day that my parents weren't spending making traps or killing people. We decided on McDonald's, which is one of the few places we're not banned from. Unfortunately, things didn't go too well. John got pissed because when I ordered my veggie burger, (Did I mention that I'm the _only_ vegetarian in the family?) he found one tiny itty bitty slice of sausage in it. So he took out a knife and threatened to kill the manager. That night we hid out at P&C and decided Burger King was better.

So needless to say, my family is different. If I had normal parents, I wouldn't be kneeling on the floor of our 'laundry room' at 4:24 in the morning cleaning up dog puke because he ate someone's arm. But normal lives are sooo overrated.

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**A/N:** So there! I even remember where this idea came from! It started while my BFF Aj, his little brother Joey, and Aj's other friend Danny were all waiting after school and so I bit Joey and Danny said 'You're like...Jigsaw's daughter!' and Aj and I ended up expanding on the idea...and after a while I tried to imagine what life would be like if Jigsaw and Amanda really were my parents. I imagined all of the little things that the two of them could somehow screw up from leaving my science binder at home to the annual spelling bee. Then there's the holidays...I'm sorry this chapter is so short but I promise I'll work on the next one a little more! Make sure to R&R! (-), 3, and :]!


	2. Hoffman Visits

**My Life: Hoffman Visits**

Did I mention that John and Amanda aren't my only family? Well, technically they are, but the rest of us are all like one big family we're so close. Sort of. Take Mark Hoffman for example. Out of everyone in our 'family', I get along with him the best. His only flaw? He's totally CRAZY. But who isn't in my family? He may be muffin obsessed and maybe sometimes he acts a little more like his shoe size than his age, but I still love him nevertheless. However, when he visits, we have problems. Not with me, with my dad. Sure, my dad 'employed' him, but sometimes he thinks that maybe he's not cut out for the work he's assigned to. I've heard him rant to Amanda about how he 'should've taught Izzy about putting together death traps when she was 6 like I suggested.' Apparently he wanted to do that, but mom wanted me to grow up as normal as possible.

Me? Normal? Hahahaha that's hysterical.

Anyways, so when Hoffman visits, there's always a big fight that ends in Amanda and I having to bandage someone up. (I was taught First Aid at the age of 8.) This time, the fight won't be good, seeing as half of Hoffman's jaw was ripped open recently. John doesn't know this yet because he was on a business trip when it happened. Amanda and I are the only ones who know.

The doorbell sounded like a funeral march when I heard it. I did a flying leap down the stairs (5 steps from the bottom, that's a new record!) to get it. I took a deep breath in, and opened the door. There stood Hoffman, an ugly tan wrap over the right side of his face.

"UNCLE HOFFMAN!" I screeched, hugging him tightly.

"Hey kiddo, what's new?" He returned the hug.

"Not much, helping the 'rents, doing pretty well in school…what about you?"

"Keeping the alibi up with the force and dealing with pain…it's certainly tougher than I thought…" He sighed, but then got distracted. "Got any muffins?"

I laughed and made a gesture to the kitchen. "I think Amanda might've picked some up at the grocery store. You'll have to check though, because I'm not sure."

Hoffman silently cheered then dashed to the kitchen, where Amanda was reading a book. She looked up from what she was doing when she heard someone rummaging through the pantry. "It didn't take you too long to check for muffins…" She laughed and hugged him. "Nice to see you Mark, and sorry about your face."

"Eh, it's no problem. As long as I GET MY MUFFINS!" He shouted.

Then I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. Uh-oh. Here it comes.

John entered the kitchen and narrowed his eyes. "Hello Mark. What happened to your face?"

"Uh…I…er…" Hoffman stuttered.

"Tripped!" Amanda shouted. "Yeah, that's it, he tripped. Clumsy Hoffman!"

"Is this true Mark?" John asked, clearly not convinced.

"Yeah. Sure. Tripped." Hoffman confirmed.

"Well next time, be more careful. Carry on." John turned around and left.

"But don't you guys want to catch up or someth-" I began, but John had left.

"So…" Hoffman said awkwardly. "What about those muffins?"

Amanda and I laughed as he continued to raid our pantry for muffins. The rest of his visiting time was spent catching up, and things actually seemed pretty well. Until we got a call from Jill.

Jill isn't technically my mother, but in some strange way she could be. I even almost had a half-brother. But we're not going into that story right now. Due to her lack of relation to me, I refer to her as 'Aunt Jill'. She certainly seems to like me, and she shows occasional kindness to Dad, but it's made very clear that she doesn't like Amanda.

It started right before Hoffman left. The phone rang, and I raced to get it.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Izzy? It's Aunt Jill!" She replied.

"Oh hi there! How are you?"

"Doing fine, thanks for asking. Is your dad home?"

"Oh, um, sure! Hold on a sec." I pulled the phone away from my ear, put it on hold and screamed "DAD!" as loud as I could. "JILL'S CALLING!"

I watched one of the buttons on the phone light up, indicating that John had picked up the phone. I could very faintly hear the conversation upstairs.

"Why hello Jill…fine, and you?...That's great! Mark's over, apparently he tripped and-what?"

I gulped. Here it comes.

"HE WHAT?!?!"

Hoffman looked up, more alert than ever. "Um, maybe I should go now…" He stammered.

"You should…" Amanda agreed, leading him to the door. But it was too late. John slammed the phone down and stormed down the stairs.

"MARK HOFFMAN!" He shouted.

Many people assume that John was the one who told Jill to put him in the trap, but that isn't true. It was all Jill. John did know about it however, and determined that if Hoffman couldn't get out of it, he was a total moron. This was likely what fueled a fight that sent Amanda and I hiding behind a couch. We heard multiple crashes, screams, and thuds, and were only brave enough to sneak a peek every couple of seconds, but then someone would throw a punch that sent us recoiling back to our hiding spot.

Finally when everything got quiet, we looked up. Amanda and I cheering for separate sides, we knew someone would be rushing onto the fight scene to retrieve a loved one. This time it was Amanda. Hoffman stood over John with an awful look of grief on his face.

"JOHN!" Amanda screeched, running over to John and taking him into her arms.

I shook my head in disgust and began to cry as I stood up. "Why can't we all just get along?" I sniffed.

John looked at me with weak eyes. "Izzy's right. We really need to settle our differences because we've become a very dysfunctional family."

Hoffman walked over to me and pulled me into a tight hug. "Izzy…we'll try not to expose you to this type of hate anymore."

I laughed. "Oh trust me Uncle, I've seen worse."

"True that. She's seen John and I kill people. It's not the hate and violence; it's just the ones she loves getting hurt." Amanda giggled softly.

John slowly got up and joined the hug, followed by Amanda. It was an adorable moment. That is, until Hoffman asked "So seriously guys, are there any muffins? At all?"

Amanda pulled away, headed to the kitchen, and threw a blueberry muffin at him. It hit him in the face and we all laughed.

"I didn't miss it…I just caught it with my face!" Hoffman laughed along with us.

Oh how I love my crazy family.

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**A/N: **All credit to SawManiac211 for the idea of Hoffman being a crazy muffin obsessed person...hehe. Also, I understand this story is a little...OOC...but it's just what makes it funny so sorry if that dissapoints you! ^.^


	3. Studying For a Test with Hoffman

**My Life: Studying For a Test with Hoffman**

I tossed my science book onto my bed and opened it to the page about genetics and all that stuff. Tonight is going to be a very long night because I have tests in all of my core subjects to study for. I glanced over at all my school stuff in one big pile as I sat down on my bed. I had an algebra test, a test on genetics, a test about the Gilded Age, a Spanish test, and a test on a book we finished reading recently called Nothing but the Truth. I tried to decide if science was the best one to study for first. As I got up and rooted around in my backpack for my social studies binder, Hoffman walked in.

"Hey lil' Izzy! What's the haps?" He asked as he walked in.

"Hoffman now's not the time. I have 5 tests to study for!" I told him, throwing my Spanish binder at him.

"Sheesh! No need to throw your Espanola binder at me!" Hoffman laughed, catching my binder and throwing it back.

I rolled my eyes and dodged the binder. "Yeah. Espanola. Whatever."

"Want me to help you study?" He offered.

"You would do that?" I asked in disbelief. Remember that thing I mentioned about him acting more like his shoe size than his age? Having him help me may not be a smart idea.

"Sure! I know a lot about English and Math…and Social Studies…and Science…and French…" He sat down next to me.

"Spanish." I corrected.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I know things, okay?" Hoffman brushed my correction off.

"Okay fine." I gave in. "I'll give you a chance, but if you screw things up…" I got up and sat down on my bed.

"Oh come on Iz, sometimes you have to laugh a little! Lighten up! Here," He grabbed my Social Studies binder. "What's the Ega Dedlig?"

"Hoffman, you're reading that backwards. It's the Gilded Age." I snapped.

"Oh, sure. Let's go with that." Hoffman said, obviously oblivious to my anger. "Why don't you ask me some questions and see if I know this stuff before I quiz you?"

"But what's the point of tha-"

"JUST ASK ME QUESTIONS!" He interrupted, throwing a random book at me.

I caught the book. It was my Pre-Algebra 8 book. "Okay then…what is (3g+10)12g?" I asked.

Hoffman looked puzzled for a moment and began to count on his fingers, but then stopped and a silly grin spread across his face. "A math problem."

I took a deep breath in and smacked my forehead as he cracked up. "Hoffman, can we please be serious?"

"But Izzy!" He whined. "I already told you! You gotta lighten up!"

"Fine." I grumbled, and threw on a fake smile. "Throw me another binder."

"What's the magic word?" Hoffman teased.

"Now." I snapped.

"Good enough." Hoffman chuckled as he threw me a black binder. This was my Social Studies binder.

"So who's George Washington Carver?" I asked, opening to a random page.

"Oh come on Izzy. That's way too easy! He was our first prez!" He exclaimed.

"No, I said George Washington CARVER." I stressed the Carver, the difference between the first president and the guy who liked peanuts.

"Oh…did he carve stuff or something?" Hoffman asked, clueless.

I was about ready to grab the Shotgun Collar and put it on. "Never mind…how about Boss Tweed? Do you know who that guy was?"

Hoffman leaped up excitedly. "Oh my god I do know him! He was that really fat guy!" He then proceeded to waddle, jump, and stumble around the room like an extremely overweight man.

My eyes widened in horror. "My eyes! My gorgeous eyes!" I screamed, covering my eyes with a pillow.

Amanda and John walked in, looked at each other, and then backed away slowly.

I threw another one of my pillows at Hoffman to make him stop. "Why don't we study for Spanish now or something?" I asked, annoyed.

Hoffman fell over, and then got up. "Meh, sure. Why not."

I picked up my Spanish binder from the floor. "So how do you say…how old are you?"

"CUANTOS ANOS TIENES!" He immediately shouted. I burst into laughter. "What? What did I do?"

"One!" I shouted in between giggles. "I only have one!

"Seriously! What did I say?!"

"Look, it's pronounced an-yos. Not anos. Just remember that."

Hoffman's eyes widened as he came to a sudden realization of what he said. "Ask me something else…" He said quietly.

I tried not to laugh as I moved on. "Okay…how do you say…er, como se dice...we are not tall?"

"Uh…nosotros no…tall?" Hoffman guessed.

"Incorrect." I stated like a game show host.

"No nosotros…tall?" He guessed again.

"Again, no."

"Uh…WE ARE NOT TALL?!" Hoffman shouted.

"NO!" I shouted back.

"WE NO ALTO!"**[1]**

"DEAR GOD!"

"Let's move onto science…" Hoffman threw my science binder at me.

"Okay then…" I set my Spanish binder down. "Let's see…here's a simple question. What's cloning?"

Hoffman's nervous look from the Spanish questions faded into a calm smile. "That's easy. It's when you put some guy into a machine, and like five other identical guys come out. Then they all get together and take over the world…or maybe start a grocery store."

"Now Hoffman," I began. "Do you watch sci-fi movies often?"

"Only every Thursday. Why?" He answered.

I took a deep breath in. "Oh…nothing. Let's wrap this up with English, shall we?"

"Sure!" Hoffman shouted.

I picked up my Nothing but the Truth packet and flipped through it. "Okay, so do you know anything about this book?"

He paused for a moment. "Uh…well…there's the truth…and this truth is important…and so you're supposed to tell nothing but it…but I think…this dude…he…doesn't?"

I nodded. "Now based off of that…did you read anything other than the title?"

Hoffman laughed. "I was too lazy to even watch to movie."

"You were also too lazy to know there is no movie!" I shouted and playfully tossed my packet and Science binder at him.

"Hey!" He chuckled. "There's no need to throw things!"

"Yeah yeah Princess, whatever floats your boat." I told him sarcastically.

"Princess?" Hoffman asked to no one in particular.

I jumped off my bed and pushed him over. "Yeah. Princess. Deal with it!" We laughed together until I noticed the clock. "Shit, it's 11:45!"

"So?" Hoffman asked.

I raced around the room and tried to collect my things. "When you have 5 tests tomorrow, you don't stay up until 11…de la noche." I threw some Spanish in there in the attempt to help myself.

"I'm sure you'll do fine. Well, I gotta bolt Iz, your parents wanted me to help set up a game tonight. See you whenever!" He said, getting up and leaving.

"HOFFMAN!" I shouted as he left.

Needless to say, I aced all of the tests. Weird.

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**[1]- This is a little inside joke with everyone in my Spanish class. THIS IS FOR YOU MRS. DE's 3rd Period Spanish, especially Nick W!**

**A/N**: There! Got this out of the way...anywho, so this chapter is a bit shorter than the last one... but I like it. Especially the 'What's the magic word? NOW!' bit :] See you next chapter! ~Izzy


	4. The Christmas Party

My Life: The Christmas Party

"Come on Izzy, stop dragging your feet!" Amanda shouted from downstairs, struggling to put an earring on.

"Mom! I'll be down in like 5 minutes! I swear!" I shouted back from upstairs.

"You said the same thing 5 minutes ago!" Amanda snapped.

"Seriously guys." John walked out of his and Amanda's room, which was right across from mine. He was wearing a tuxedo, which he almost never does, with the exception of special occasions like this one.

Today was the big Christmas party. And when I say big Christmas party, I mean BIG CHRISTMAS PARTY. Every year, it's set up by my two 'uncles' Lawrence and Adam. I love them to death. They're crazy, gay, hysterical, and a little odd. But that's how they form the greatest party that has everyone talking until December 23rd of next year.

"Izzy Young!" Amanda screeched. (Since Amanda had me before she married John, I took my mom's last name. But technically, you could call me Izzy Young-Kramer…) "If you aren't down here in 1 minute, we're leaving without you!"

"I'm coming down the stairs mom! Chillax!" I told her.

"Okay…good." She said much quieter.

I did a jump when I got to the last few steps. (3…meh, I've done better.) "Let's do this!"

"Calm down Izzy…" Amanda scolded.

"Calm down?! Mandy, it's the big freaking Christmas party!" John shouted.

I smiled. "Glad to know someone shares my feelings on the value of the party."

"So Amanda, are you done painting the Golden Gate Bridge yet, or do you need more time to put your makeup on? I really would like the make the party earlier than one minute before it ends!" John complained. Amanda responded with a hard smack across his face. "Got it. You're all done."

"Maybe we can enjoy the party this year without anyone breaking a bone!" I said. This was one of those impossible dreams that I have.

"Or anyone dying!" John added.

Amanda rolled her eyes. "That's crazy talk."

"That's not crazy talk!" I shouted. "This is crazy talk: BLARGHHHHHHAJHDFSKLL!" **[1]**

Amanda smacked her forehead. "You guys wanted to go? Let's go." She snapped.

We hopped in the car and started on our one hour drive. It kind of sucks that my uncles have to live so far away, but we understand and manage to put up with it. However, I try to make this experience as hard as possible for whoever is in the car with me. I remember the time with me, Amanda, Hoffman, and a bag of peanuts…oh wait-I have a court order that I'm not allowed to talk about that ever again.

The car ride to Adam and Lawrence's house seemed very slow and long. For Jigsaw and Amanda that is…I went on and on about what I think their house is going to look like this year.

"PINK!"

"Dear lord, I hope not…"

"Uhh…brown?"

"Brown isn't too Christmasy m'dear."

"The will the frosting be…purple?!" I asked.

"We have been arguing about this for the past 55 minutes! Izzy, knowing A and L, the frosting on the fricking cupcakes will be green, red, or white! Now shut the hell up, I'm trying to fall asleep!" Amanda screeched.

After 5 minutes of quiet (Which normally for me is way too much quiet.) we finally pulled into the driveway of Adam and Lawrence's house.

I examined the house. "A normal looking outside…we must not be doing anything outside this year." I thought aloud, tugging on my dress. Stupid dress. I'm just thankful I only have to wear dresses for special occasions. Otherwise, I hate them so much. As well as fancy shoes…and skirts…and tights…I hate fancy outfits, okay?

"Well thank God for that. It's too cold outside anyways." John muttered, heading towards the house.

As soon as we stepped in, you could hardly tell we had gone inside. The entire place was covered with very realistic looking fake snow, the ceiling was painted so it looked as dark as it was outside, and everything looked amazing. Almost as soon as we walked in, Uncle Lawrence slid towards us on what looked and seemed like ice.

"John! Amanda! The life of the party! How are you?" He shouted enthusiastically.

"Good! It's great to see you!" John cheered. Although Lawrence and Hoffman were in the same boat with the 'shoe size age' thing, for some reason, John liked Lawrence better.

"Amanda baby! How are things going in the morgue business?" Lawrence joked, pulling my mom into a tight hug.

Amanda laughed. Lawrence was one of the few people that could awaken her sense of humor. "Doing pretty well, and you?"

"Couldn't be better!" He threw his arms up in the air and turned to me. "There's lil' Izzy!" Lawrence picked me up and swung me around.

"Nice to see you too Uncle Larry!" I squealed.

He set me down. "Phew! You're getting big! Pretty soon I won't be able to pick you up anymore…"

"Signs of the apocalypse!" I screamed jokingly.

This must've awoken Adam's ears, because he slid into the room too. "Good evening Izzy, John, and Amanda!"

I threw my arms around Adam, and I was joined by Amanda. "Hey Uncle Adam!" I pulled away. "Love the ice, is it real?"

"No, but it's pretty darn close!" He gestured to the path he had slid in on. "Feel free to try it out!"

"Me first! Me first!" I cheered.

I leaped onto the ice and started to slide, but suddenly Hoffman flew in at full speed and crashed into me. He tumbled on top of me, but recovered and got up quickly. I didn't. "IZZY!!!" Hoffman shouted.

"I think you crushed my spine…" I squeaked.

Hoffman cringed at the sight and sound of my pain. "Sorry 'bout that Iz…" He helped me up and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Again…crushing my spine…" All of the air was forced out of me from Hoffman's hug.

"Oh…yeah…sorry." Hoffman sighed, letting go of me.

"It's nice to see you again!" I smiled, catching my breath.

"Did you ace those tests?" Hoffman tried not to smile, remembering our disastrous study session two weeks prior.

"Yes, but with no help from you!" I laughed, poking him in on the bridge of his nose.

Hoffman laughed and made spastic motions to try to swat my hand away. "You're welcome!" He giggled giddily.

I grabbed his hand and we jumped and slid, crashing right into Aunt Jill. "Aunt Jill!" We both shouted.

Jill stood up and dusted herself off. "Hello Mark, Izzy." She acknowledged our presence.

"I'm surprised you showed up, given Hoffman's…craziness." I gestured to Hoffman who was making a butterfly with his hands.

"It's a family tradition Izzy! Why wouldn't I come?" Jill's normally serious face faded into a soft smile. Even though she and John are divorced, she still cares about our family.

"Good point!" I grabbed Hoffman's hand again and we slid past Jill and towards Cousin Zepp. Fortunately this time we didn't run into him.

"Hey there Hoff! And Izzy baby, you're as adorable as ever!" He smiled and smothered me in a hug.

"What is with everyone and smothering me with affection?!" I managed to blurt out.

He continued to hug and cuddle me, but that was pretty typical for Zepp. He was pretty affectionate. I'd say if we weren't 'related' and I was his age, we'd be married at this point. Either that or I'd be married to Hoffman. I looked over to him to try to send a help signal, but Hoffman was too busy being mesmerized by the flashing lights in the kitchen.

I finally pushed away from Zepp. "We kind of need to move on to the rest of the party, okay?"

He blushed. "Oh. Sure. I guess I overdid it again…"

I giggled. "Yes you did my crazy cousin, yes you did."

Zepp merrily skipped away, and after some thought, I did the same. Everyone met up in the kitchen, which was encased by very realistic looking snowmen.

Lawrence tapped his glass with a knife, but it shattered and the pieces fell to the floor. This got everyone's attention. "Alright, it is now time for the big gift exchange!"

I raised my hand. "But don't we have to like…go to bed and get our gifts in the morning?"

"Well," Lawrence began. "We stopped doing that now that _somebody_ stopped believing in Santa Claus…"

Everyone looked at me but I shook my head. I've known since I was ten. I turned and pointed at Hoffman who had his arms crossed and a pout on his face. "Why'd you guys have to spoil it for me?"

I laughed. "Hoffman, you've gone one year too many not knowing."

"Anywho…" Lawrence intercepted the conversation. "Everyone's gifts are now under the tree!"

I have never seen a group of adults (and one teenager) run so fast for a Christmas tree like small children at a free candy booth.

"Here, this one's for you!" "Ooh, that one has pretty wrapping paper!" "This one is really round…I wonder what it is?!" "A NEW TASER! THANKS JILL!" "I thought you would enjoy this, it's red and sharp!" These were some of the various quotes that I picked up from standing a foot or two away from the tree, trying not to get run over. I guess it would be okay if one of my presents got trampled…as long as I didn't get a bomb from Hoffman again.

After a few minutes, the disaster scene still wasn't calm enough for me to enter. But Zepp looked up. "Izzy? Are you okay? Don't you want to find a present for you?"

I sighed. "Oh no, it's fine."

"Are you sure?" Zepp asked with true concern in his voice.

I smiled gently. "Well, is there anything in there for me?"

Zepp dug through the mountain of presents under the tree and pulled out a long rectangular box wrapped in red and white paper. "I think this one's for you."

I took it from him. "Gee, thanks Zepp!" I ripped the paper off and took the item out of the box. "Oh my God! It's a traditional sword! I've always wanted one!" I checked the paper for a tag and it said 'To: Izzy. Your awesome uncle, Adam' I tackled Adam. "Thank you so much!!"

Adam smiled and struggled to get me off of him. "No problem! John told me it was something you'd been begging him for."

I glanced over at John, who was beaming because Zepp had gotten him a set of ninja stars. "Looks like John really knew what I wanted."

Zepp's thoughtfulness inspired me to join the group and the rest of the night went pretty well. I was sad when the clock struck 4am, meaning it was time to head home if I wanted to get up at 8 to open the presents my parents got for me.

"Come on Izzy, you'll see everyone again next year." Amanda told me, patting me on the back.

"But I don't wanna leave!" I whined.

John laughed. "It's okay. Maybe we'll have everyone over for New Year's or something."

"Yay!" I cheered.

John, Amanda, and I hopped into the car and drove home. I stroked my favorite gift so far, which was my laser that was disguised as lipstick. I'd been asking for it since I was 7, but my parents thought it was too dangerous. But Hoffman finally caved and got it for me.

Tomorrow morning was another bright day and I was super excited to get even more gifts from my parents and maybe even my friends.

As I was lost in thought, my thumb accidentally pressed the button and the laser created a hole in the window.

"I TOLD YOU GUYS SO!" John shouted, pointing at Amanda and I. We just shared a look and laughed.

* * *

**[1] **Gotta love a SpongeBob reference :)

**A/N: **I ACCOMPLISHED MY GOAL IN GETTING THIS DONE BEFORE CHRISTMAS!!!! YESS! I think the ending might be a tad bit rushed, so I'm sorry. I'm still sorry for the OOC nature of the story....hehe. I figure the next chapter will be based off of the New Year's idea...and I'll see if I can get it up by New Year's Eve, but knowing me, it's not likely. See you next chapter! ~Izzy


	5. New Year's Party

**A/N:** I wrote this so GlambertBlog didn't explode.

**Disclaimer:** I figured I should start doing this now...I don't own Saw...or the song "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey. I only wish I did...XD

* * *

My Life: New Year's Party

"What part of 'put up the fucking ribbons' don't you understand Dad?!" I shouted, racing around the house, overdoing the decorations.

"I don't know, the 'put' and the 'up' and the 'the fucking ribbons' part perhaps?" John grumbled sarcastically.

"Then Amanda will put the ribbons up. Why don't you just go and fill the snack bowl? I'm pretty sure that's something you can't screw up." I ordered him as I moved some furniture.

Basically, I'm the whole reason this party is happening. If I wasn't behind all of this, my family would have no time to get off their lazy asses to do it. Maybe I was overdoing all of this just a little bit, but maybe if we (And by we, I mean me, because no one else does anything.) work real hard, this party could become as legendary as the big Christmas party!

I snapped out of my fantasy just in time for Amanda to hit me in the back of the head with a pillow. My eyes widened. "No!" I screeched. "Not the fancy red pillows!"

"Izzy, you really need to chill out. It's a six hour get together." Amanda shoved me onto the couch I had been moving.

"That's six hours that our family might be using to judge us and our house!" I dusted my outfit off.

Amanda chuckled and looked away. "If we haven't given our own family a bad enough impression already, I don't think one freaking party will change all of that."

I rolled my eyes, got up, and continued to move the couch.

"Need any help there?" John popped in right next to me.

"And you're asking the girl that pulled an entire tree out of the ground?" I sneered.

John took a moment to remember that day where I picked up a tree and nearly killed Zepp with it over summer vacation three years ago. His eyes widened at the memory and went back to the snack bowl.

I finally got the couch to the position I wanted and took a look around. Then I looked at my watch. Its six o'clock now and my family will be arriving at nine. That gives me three hours to finish all this crap up. If I have to do it on my own, it should take about three hours. The problem is, I need time to make sure I look halfway normal. I glanced over at my parents. John was deciding which brand of chips to use while Amanda was struggling to untangle the ribbons. If they helped out, it should only take me about two hours. But with my parents, it takes at least an hour to convince them to do anything. Even something as simple as getting them to go to the grocery store.

I walked over to John. "Really John. Tostitos or Pringles? It's not that hard of a decision!"

John studied the nutrition facts on the bag of Tostitos. "But what if someone's allergic to something or doesn't like one brand?"

I grabbed the container of Pringles and the bag of Tostitos and dumped them both into the bowl. "Problem solved." I said flatly. "Now go put some pretzels in. We only bought one brand so it shouldn't be too hard."

I walked over to Amanda next. "You could just rip them." I suggested. "Then they'd be smaller. We'd just have to come up with a new arrangement."

Amanda looked at me like I just told her that Jill was dead. "Really? Oh my God thanks! I've been meaning to do that!" As I walked away, I could hear Amanda furiously ripping ribbons apart like the way she murdered that guy to get out of the Reverse Bear Trap. (Which makes a very nice centerpiece on our dinner table, by the way.)

I looked out the long, thin windows that were next to our front door. It was a crazy blizzard outside, and I got a little worried if people were going to be able to make it. I turned around to see ribbons just about everywhere on the walls and ceiling.

"Oh my god Amanda!" I shouted. "How did you do this so quickly?! It's amazing!"

Amanda shrugged. "It was easy once I didn't have giant rolls of ribbon to go through."

I then looked over at John who had the entire kitchen set up and ready. "All systems go on the food patrol!"

"How…did…you…?" I stuttered.

"Izzy, we know how much this party means to you, so we decided to help out." John told me, while walking over to Amanda and putting his arm around her.

I ran to them and gave them a big hug. "You guys are the best parents anyone could ever have!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." John laughed. "We've still got a bit more work to do on the second floor."

"You should go clean your room, just in case. We might put some board games up there or something." Amanda suggested.

"On it! Amanda, can you get out the confetti and stuff from the basement? John, would you make sure the dogs are either in their crates, or won't disrupt us too much during the party?" I asked.

They both nodded and ran off as I ran upstairs.

About an hour later, the three of us were waiting patiently for someone to arrive.

"I hope they didn't get caught in traffic. I hope the snow didn't hold them up. I hope no one died. I hope Hoffman didn't blow his car up again. I hop-" I was interrupted by the doorbell, which Amanda beat me to answering.

"Jill." She said flatly. "It's great to see you again."

Jill gave Amanda a quick glance then stared over her head at John and I. "Hello Amanda."

John got up from where he was sitting to greet Jill. "Hello Jill!"

Her face softened as John entered. "Hello John! How are you?"

"Doing pretty well, thanks." He answered while Amanda rolled her eyes and retreated back to the kitchen.

The next to arrive was Lawrence, his ex-wife Alison, his daughter Diana, and his boyfriend slash my uncle Adam. What surprised me was that Alison was here. I had never seen her in the flesh before. Only in pictures. She seemed like a really strange person because she, for some really weird reason, approved of Lawrence and Adam being gay.

"Good evening Lawrence and Adam. Alison and Diana? Is that you? I haven't seen you since…er…never mind." John greeted the group.

Diana tugged on her mother's shirt. "Who's the old fart?"

I cracked up. "I told you people notice how old you are!" John rolled his eyes.

Alison turned to Lawrence. "Yes Lawrence, who is the man?"

He took a deep breath in. "This is the man who's responsible for our life as it is today."

"He's the one who put Larry and me in the bathroom together." Adam finished the story.

Alison narrowed her eyes at John. "This is Jigsaw?" She looked down at Diana. "This man is too dangerous to be around my daughter, we really should go."

"No no no!" I shouted. "I assure you that my father will not harm you in any way."

Alison looked at Lawrence. "Can we trust her?"

He smiled. "Of course you can!" He confirmed cheerfully, messing up my hair.

"Hey!" I interjected. "That took me an hour to straighten!"

Hoffman was third to arrive-no surprise there. Three is his favorite number so he's always the third group or person to arrive to any party or get together with three or more people.

"Izzy!" He shouted, bowling over Amanda and John to get to me.

"Hello to you too Hoffman…" John mumbled, dusting himself off.

"Uh, sorry John…and Amanda. I just wanted to say hi to Izzy!" Hoffman apologized.

"It's okay Hoffman! Hi there!" I pulled him into a tight hug.

Hoffman hugged me back, and then looked at the kitchen. "So…got any muffins?"

"Go fish." I joked.

Zepp was the last person to get to the party. "John! Amanda! Hoffman! Izzy! Lawrence! Adam! And…wait…Alison and Diana?"

Alison looked up and stared at Zepp. "It's that rotten bastard that nearly killed me!" She lunged at him.

"Alison!" John screeched, trying to get her away from Zepp. I covered Diana's eyes.

"You fucking bastard! You are sooo dead!" Alison shouted, punching Zepp in the face. It took both Hoffman and John to pull her off of Zepp.

"Alison, it's okay. He's nice now. He's forgiven his murderous ways." Hoffman told her in an attempt to calm her down.

"I will claw his eyes out." She hissed.

Zepp backed into me in fear. "She's gonna kill me…"

"No she won't, she will not kill you…I won't let her…" I patted Zepp on the back.

Hoffman patted Alison on the back. "Alison, it's okay, he's not really that mean, trust me."

"Fine." Alison sneered. "But if he lays one hand on me or my daughter…"

"He won't." Hoffman assured.

The rest of the party actually went on normally. No one died or broke anything. Finally, it got to be 11:50. Ten minutes until midnight.

Amanda was the one who notified everyone. "Hey guys! It's ten minutes until the bomb-I mean, ball explodes-I mean drops!" She shouted so loud, the neighbors probably heard.

Everyone immediately rushed to the flat screen TV in anticipation. I ran around the living room with a camera. First, I went to Hoffman.

"So Hoffman," I began, putting the camera on video and starting it. "Did you have any resolutions going into 2009?"

Hoffman pondered the question a bit before answering. "Just to spend time with my 'family' and be the best apprentice I could be."

"Do you have any resolutions for 2010?" I held out an invisible microphone to him.

"Hm…maybe to find a wife or girlfriend so I can settle down and have a family." Hoffman decided.

I then moved to Jill. "Do you have any resolutions for the new year?"

"Maybe I can help your father out with his games…or try to live a normal life." Jill shrugged. "I guess I'm not sure yet."

Next was Alison. Alison wants to maybe find a new husband because she's not sure if she can continue to take care of Diana on her own, even with a little help from Uncle Larry and Uncle Adam.

"What about Hoffman?" I suggested. "He's looking for a partner too."

Alison glanced over at Hoffman who was playing catch with Adam using a muffin. "Um, I don't think so." She laughed. "I'm looking for someone who actually acts like their age."

Hoffman pelted the muffin at Amanda. "Yeah, that's not gonna happen with him…" I sighed.

Suddenly, Amanda let out a huge screech, letting everyone know that it was down to the final 30 seconds and that it was time to countdown.

We all laughed as we began to countdown. "30! 29, 28, 27…" I looked over at Diana, who was about ready to fall asleep. "21, 20, 19, 18…" Hoffman was staring intently at his muffin. "14, 13, 12, 11…" Zepp wrapped his arms around me. "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!" We all shouted. Confetti danced above us like the snow in the blizzard outside. John dipped Amanda and kissed her, while Lawrence and Adam started making out on the couch. Hoffman expressed his love to muffins by sinking his teeth into the one he was holding. Then music began to play and everyone started dancing.

"_Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world"_ The music began and everyone sang along.

"_She took the midnight train goin' anywhere" _It continued as John grabbed Amanda and spun her around.

"_Just a city boy, born and raised in South Detroit" _Lawrence and Adam sang along, attempting but failing to dance.

"_He took the midnight train goin' anywhere"_ I watched Diana jump around randomly staying on the beat.

"_A singer in a smoky room, a smell of wine and cheap perfume, for a smile they can share the night, it goes on and on and on and on"_ I felt like an outsider watching everyone dance. Even Hoffman had a 'partner'. He was dancing with his half eaten muffin. The uptight Jill was dancing on her own, which didn't surprise me. Usually I would be out there as the life of the party, but this time, I just didn't feel right.

"_Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard, their shadows searching in the night. Streetlights, people, livin' just to find emotion. Hidin' somewhere in the night."_ Zepp must've noticed my worry because he came over and threw an arm around me.

"Are you okay Izzy?" He asked over the music.

"I just…feel different. Alone." I sighed, looking down at the floor.

"But you've always been the life of the party! Alone or not!" He cried out in confusion.

"But Zepp-" I began.

"_Workin' hard to get my fill, everybody wants a thrill. Playin' anything to roll the dice just one more time. Some will win, some will lose. Some were born to sing the blues. Oh, the movie never ends it goes on and on and on and on."_ The Journey song continued as Zepp tried to convince me.

"Izzy, the song is going to end soon. Either head to the dance floor or spend the rest of your life wishing you had!" He encouraged me.

"_Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard, their shadows searching in the night. Streetlights, people, livin' just to find emotion. Hidin' somewhere in the night."_ I sighed and headed to the dance floor as the song began its instrumental interlude. I slowly got into the groove as Zepp grabbed me and began to dance with me during the songs final lyrics.

"_Don't stop believin', hold on to that feelin', streetlight people. Don't stop believin', hold on streetlight people. Don't stop believin', hold on to that feelin', streetlight people."_ As the song ended, everyone cheered.

"Happy 2010!" We screamed into the night.

* * *

**A/N:** LONGEST CHAPTER YET WOOT WOOT! So yeah...I didn't finish this before New Year's...I guess I didn't have as much time to write this as I thought I did...but anyways, I've got some bad news. Start expecting updates to be a little less frequent because winter break is over tomorrow so I have to focus on school. I will try to start on my next chapter today, but I have a bunch of other fanfictions to work on as well including one I gave up on six months ago...hehe. Anyways...I hope I'll be seeing you all soon! And thanks to everyone who's been reviewing! (GlambertBlog, PuzzlePrincess and Animorphgirl!)


	6. A Suprise Guest

My Life: A Surprise Guest

As soon as I got home from school, I went upstairs to my room, threw my backpack against the wall, grabbed my iPod touch, and put it on shuffle. Today had been pretty shitty, and I needed a way to unwind. I felt my muscles and troubles melt as soon as a familiar beat pumped through the speakers.

"_Show me how to lie, you're getting better all the time and turning all against the one is an art that's hard to teach." _The song began as I lied down on my bed and wrapped my black martial arts blanket around my tired body.

"_Another clever word sets off an unsuspecting herd and as you step back into line, a mob jumps to their feet. Now dance fucker, dance, man he never had a chance, and no one even knew it was really only you."_ I sighed as the sound of doors slamming and people shouting conflicted with the song.

"_And now you steal away, take him out today. Nice work you did, you're gonna go far kid." _As the song progressed to its chorus, I thought about what had happened today.

"_With a thousand lies…"_ Two of my best friends Kayla and Michelle were fighting over something stupid, and they decided to drag me into it and make me take a side. Since I didn't take a side, they both decided to get pissed at me.

"_And a good disguise…" _Lately it's seemed that my best friend that I happen to be head over heels in love with, Cody, is pretending that I don't exist.

"_Hit 'em right between the eyes, hit 'em right between the eyes…" _My parents were acting like children. They used to have at least half an hour to two hours a day of free time that they would spend with me, but now they're too busy to do anything, and they're making me do all of the household chores. Feed the dogs, empty the dishwasher, walk the dogs, do the laundry, pick up my parents messes…etc.

"_When you walk away, nothing more to say…"_ It seemed like I had no time to do anything else anymore, including homework. This obviously made my teachers angry, making things worse.

"_See the lightening in your eyes, see 'em running for their lives…"_ Then, an unfamiliar voice snapped me out of my music induced trance. I paused the song. The Offspring would have to wait.

I silently crept out of my room and sat at the top of the stairs so I could listen in on whatever was going on downstairs.

"I'm not saying I don't want him to visit, it's just that we're too busy to have anyone over." Amanda told someone.

"But he could help us out…and help Izzy…she seems pretty upset." John replied. At least he cared about my problems.

"Fine." Amanda gave in. "I'll give him a call."

I sighed in confusion and went back into my room. The only lights on were the ones from my mini Christmas tree that has been up for way too long. I sat down in front of it and brushed my hair back. Someone's visiting. Sometimes it's a good thing, but sometimes it means trouble. Especially if that guest is Jill. That usually means a big catfight between her and Amanda. I lied on my bed upside down with my head hanging off the bed while listening to my iPod until I heard the door close. I threw my iPod at my other bed and raced downstairs.

"Zepp!!!" I screeched, throwing myself into his arms.

"Izzy!!!" He shouted back, picking me up and swinging me around.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him after he set me down.

"I'm going to be here for the next few weeks or so to help take care of you while your parents are busy." He said excitedly.

"Seriously?! I get to spend the next few weeks with one of my favorite people?" I shouted.

"Am I one of your favorite people?" Zepp asked.

"Duh!" I replied, gently smacking him on the forehead.

Amanda had been watching us since he got here. She smiled a genuine smile. "Are you two gonna be okay without John and I? We have to go run a few errands."

"Sure!" Zepp answered before I could. "There's a lot of stuff to do here, right Iz?"

"Of course." I nodded.

"Just try not to rape her…" John mumbled, walking in with the car keys. "Come on Manda, let's go."

My eyes widened. "Jeez Dad…" Zepp responded by his face turning bright red.

As soon as the door closed, Zepp picked me up again. "Alright Izzy. Let's go rape each other or something." He joked.

"Okay!" I cheered.

Later that night, John arrived home with Amanda as well as Hoffman, who would be staying for the next two or three days as usual.

**John's POV**

I opened the door to let Hoffman, Amanda and I in. It was suspiciously quiet which calmed me down and worried me at the same time. I glanced around as I entered. No fires, no natural disasters, no dismembered bodies…so far, so good. I slowly walked into the living room to find Izzy asleep in Zepp's arms on the couch.

**Amanda's POV**

I thought it was very adorable! Asleep in each other's arms? I never realized Zepp and Izzy could be that close of friends! I wish John and I could have that kind of relationship again…maybe if I go shopping at Victoria's Secret or something…

**Hoffman's POV**

Psh. He sooo raped her.

**Izzy's POV**

I woke up to find Amanda, Hoffman, and John all staring at me. It took me a minute or so to process that I was lying in Zepp's arms. I sat up quickly and fell off the couch.

"So Izzy…what were you doing in Zepp's arms?" John asked, trying not to smile.

I tried to think back. What was I doing in Zepp's arms? If he had raped me, I would've remembered it. So what did happen?

'_I sat down on the couch and yawned._

"_Tired?" Zepp asked me, sitting down next to me._

"_Yeah. John and Amanda will be happy when they find out we didn't blow up the house or anything." I nodded._

"_I know, right?" He agreed. "Watching Groundhog's Day is way better than blowing stuff up."_

"_But do you know what would be even better than that?" I asked._

"_What could possibly be better than Groundhog's Day?!" Zepp shouted. "It's Bill Freaking Murray!"_

"_Watching Groundhog's Day while blowing stuff up!" I cheered._

"_We'll have to save that adventure until tomorrow Lil' Izzy. It's getting late." Zepp sighed._

"_True…" I laid my head down on his shoulder. "I'ma gonna fall asleep now, kay?"_

"_Kay." Zepp confirmed, wrapping his arms around me.'_

"I still think he raped her…" Hoffman muttered.

Zepp, who had just gotten up, rolled his eyes and laughed. "I didn't rape her Hoffman, Scout's Honor. We made chicken noodle soup and watched Groundhog's Day. Swearsies." **[1]**

Amanda smiled and shook her head. "Izzy, you need to go to bed in a bed. Zepp, you can sleep in her room because I trust you. Just use her other bed."

"But you wouldn't let me sleep in Izzy's room!" Hoffman protested.

"Next time Mark…next time…" She shrugged.

Everything from then on seemed pretty normal; except for the next day Amanda came home with a bag from Victoria's Secret. Zepp, Hoffman, and I still can't figure out why.

* * *

**BONUS LITTLE THINGY**

One day I came home from what I thought was the most random day of school ever. John and Zepp were waiting in the kitchen for me. John was watching CNN and Zepp was having some tomato soup.

The first thing that came out of my mouth when I came home?

"Hey Dad! In Health today, I gave everyone a sexually transmitted infection!" **[2]**

Zepp spit his soup all over John.

"Amanda?" John called. "I think you might wanna hear what Izzy just said…"

* * *

**[1] I may be putting in too many TDI/TDA references...  
****  
[2] In Health class, we played a game called the Sexually Transmitted Infection (STI) Game where we all got cards with colors on them, and we had to write the names of four other people's colors on our card. Then our teacher asked us if any of us had a red dot on our card. With my luck, it ended up being me. The red dot represented an STI. So everyone with my color (White) on their card got the STI. And everyone on their card got it, and everyone on their card got it, etc. So later that day I ran around telling my friends 'I gave everyone in my class an STI!!!' and Aj (Who said "Erin, have you been a naughty little girl?" XD) wanted to know what would happen if I said that to Jigsaw and Amanda. Since it was too short to be a chapter of it's own, I added it as a little vinette thing. Yay STIs!**

**A/N:** So I'm not totally sure what I'm going to do next...I know it'll probably involve Zepp and Hoffman...but never fear, I have a big list of ideas somewhere! I just have to pick one...


	7. Izzy Forgets Her Science Binder

**A/N: **Something tells me that American Idol fans will enjoy the first few lines...hehehe.

My Life: Izzy Forgets Her Science Binder

Yesterday was about as average as a day could get. I started it out annoying my family.

"Hoffman, put down the muffin, stop singing, and help me make breakfast." John ordered.

"Pants on the ground, pants on the ground. Lookin' like a fool with yo' pants on the ground." **[1]** Hoffman sang under his breath as I leaped down the stairs.

"Gold in your mouth, hat turned sideways, pants hit the ground!" I sang out as I rushed into the kitchen.

"Call yourself a cool cat lookin' like a fool." Hoffman and I sang together.

"Walking down town…" Amanda joined in.

"With your pants on the ground!" We all shouted together.

"Are you guys serious?" John shouted.

"Psh. You know it!" I fist bumped Hoffman and Amanda.

I went to school and started out the day with my best friends Kayla, Michelle, Cory, Trina, Alec, and Lindsey.

"Tackle!" I shouted as I arrived, tackling Kayla.

"No touchy!" She screeched, pushing me away.

Alec did what he usually did. He bombarded me with songs from other decades. As soon as I heard him sing some song from the 70s, I tried to identify another friend as quickly as possible. Michelle walked in just in time, followed by Cory, Trina, and Lindsey. That's when the bell rang and everyone shuffled off to homeroom. I had my science teacher Mrs. Chrysler for homeroom, and it was the only class I had with Alec besides Chorale on even days, and lunch on odd days.

Then the bell rang again and our assistant principal Miss Palmer came on. "Good morning students, morning announcements will begin in a moment." After a few minutes, she came back on over the speakers. "Good morning, today is Thursday, January 14, 2010 and today is an odd day 1. I would like to start the morning by wishing a very happy birthday to Caleigh Clark and Korrie Black. We would like to congratulate the boys soccer team on their win against the Rams last night, the score was 12-8. Goals were scored by Noah Liddell, David Reilley, and Brandon Parus. Math Mania is cancelled today. The next meeting will be on Tuesday. See you then! And finally, 8th graders make sure to turn in your baby pictures to Mrs. Goldiwitz by the 23rd if you want them to be in the yearbook. We need to see in the main office Kaitlyn Vollmer and Kyle O'Dell. Homerooms please stand to say the pledge of allegiance, and have a wonderful day."

We all stood up and said the pledge before heading to our first period classes. My first class was social studies with Ms. Morton. It was typically a boring class, except for today we recorded raps and I got to work with Trina and Alec's friend Tyler. Afterwards I had science with Mrs. Chrysler, which was also typically boring. Today was pretty lame, as usual. Next I had Spanish with Senora Bernal. I loved the class and the teacher, who I had known since I was 4, but I hated almost everyone in the class with me. All of the popular jerks were in it from Jerry Blatt to Livi Lands. I hated them, and they hated me. After a normal class of Jerry and the others pointlessly shouting things out, I finally got to walk in the hallways with Aj. My next class was gym with Ms. Hoag, then Health with Mr. Cooney. Then I had Study Hall with my 1st period teacher Ms. Morton. Finally I got to eat lunch with my friends. Today I sat with Alec, Michelle, Trina, and Tyler. Also sitting with us was a boy who reads a lot named Louis.

My friends were joking around and being crazy, so I shouted "You little brats best shut your yaps!"

I didn't expect anyone to understand until I heard Louis shout "Yes Mrs. So-and-so…erson." **[2]**

New best friend? Yeah, I think so.

Next was English with Mr. Reff, which was always pretty zany and fun. I got to hang out and goof off with my friend Alex Lopez. We joked about how he forgot to add the 'z' at the end of his name on a test so now his name is Alex Lope. **[3]** Afterwards I had math with Mr. Vincent. He was a pretty strict teacher, and we usually didn't do too many interesting things, but somehow I manage to have fun in his class. Finally, it was the end of the day.

"Good afternoon students, afternoon announcements will begin in just a moment. We need to see in the main office Amber Cantrall, Shannon Stevenson, Alex Blasting, and Erik Troyton. Mr. Prismo needs to see Andrew Gifford and Garret McNally in the band room." Our principal Mrs. Everding said over the announcements. After a short while, she came back on. "Good afternoon students. There are 2 bus changes this afternoon. Bus 219 will be replaced by bus 277. And Bus 247 will be replaced by Bus 226. Mr. Poster's after school extra math help will report to room 102 instead of 218. 5th and 6th grade Intramurals are cancelled for today. And finally, modified wrestling players taking the 3:15 shuttle to their meet should report to Ms. Tody's room until the bus arrives. Those are all of the announcements today, since today is an odd day I would like to dismiss students in odd numbered classes."

Mr. Vincent let us go whether we were in an odd class or even class, so I dashed out and met up with Alec, Kayla, Cory, and Lindsey who were all coming out of Latin. Then I went home. I guess the day was average. MLIA.

The next day was anything but ordinary however.

I woke up a little late and I was in a big rush to get to the bus on time. I was in such a rush that I left my science binder on the counter.

When I got to school and realized it was gone, I knew I was in serious shit.

I tried to ignore the fact that it was gone all through social studies, but I knew I couldn't. My homework was in there.

A few minutes later, I was ready to face my doom. I walked with Alex to science, randomly singing and dancing.

"Bum bum bum bum bum bum, bumbumbumbum…" He imitated a tuba.

"If you like to talk to tomatoes, if a squash can make you smile," I sang over his tuba noises. "If you like to waltz with potatoes, up and down the produce aisle…" Then we reached Mrs. Chrysler's room.

"Have we got a show for you!" We shouted in unison. **[3]**

I laughed as I tried to see if maybe my parents had been kind enough to drop my binder off in the main office. "Alex, I'll be right back." I told him, making a beeline for the office.

As soon as I got there, I barely had time to listen to the friendly secretary's "Hello Izzy!" because I needed to find the binder fast. Science starts in 3 minutes. I raced along the pile of dropped off belongings. Gym clothes? No. Lunchbox? No. Red folder? No. Nothing else. No green science binder.

I hung my head as I began to trudge back to the classroom. Then, something unpredictable happened. I looked up just in time to move out of the way of a green car zooming towards the school…wait, what?

The car crashed through the front doors, causing mass paranoia. What the hell? Then, the confusion was cleared up when Hoffman and Amanda hopped out of the car.

"You forgot your binder Izzy…" Amanda said, clearly shaken from the ride.

"That's the last time she'll probably ever let me drive." Hoffman laughed, handing me the binder, and then kissing me on the top of my head. "See you tonight!"

They hopped in the car and drove away. As soon as they were gone, all eyes were on me.

I glanced at the adults around me. "I have never met those people in my life." I lied, and then ran to Mrs. Chrysler's room.

Later that afternoon, I hopped off the bus and was home at last.

"How was school?" John asked as I walked in the door.

"Pretty average." I mumbled.

Hoffman burst into laughter.

**[1] AMERICAN IDOL FTW! Sorry if I got any lyrics wrong.  
[2] Teen Girl Squad! Cheerleader! So-and-so! What's her face! The ugly one!  
[3] Stuff like this actually happens with my friend Jamie and I...ahahaha...**

**A/N: **Excuse me for the crappiness of this chapter, I'm just really busy with school, karate, the school play...(Fiddler on the Roof Jr!) and other fanfictions INCLUDING one of the next chapters of My Life which we need to have a very serious discussion about right now...

**WARNING:** In either the next chapter, or the chapter after, things are going to be very different. The tone of most of these chapters are silly and odd, but the next one is going to revolve around a game involving a certain family member...let's just say the next chapter is going to be depressing and dramatic. Also, after I finally upload that chapter, I may go on a short hiatus. I'm not really sure. Thanks guys =]


	8. The Ultimate Sacrifice

My Life: The Ultimate Sacrifice

It was a pretty typical Saturday night for me. I was sitting on the couch watching a movie with Amanda while my dad was working on traps at an abandoned factory. The only thing that was different was that Zepp, Hoffman, Adam, and Lawrence were here too.

"There's a shortage of perfect breasts in the world." The actor in the movie said. "It would be a pity to damage yours."

I raised my eyebrow. "Yeah, I guess that's one way to pick up a chick."

Lawrence rolled his eyes. "I guess it's an okay movie, but personally I think the actor playing Wesley is pretty lame."

"Not to mention that that Cary Elwes dude is seriously unattractive." Adam added.

"You think I'm attractive right?" Lawrence asked, batting his eyelashes.

Adam smiled and put his arm around Lawrence. "Of course." He purred.

The phone rang. "I'll take it upstairs." Amanda announced.

I watched Amanda walk upstairs and heard her answer the phone. "Hello...Oh hello John. What? No, we're not busy, just watching The Princess Bride. You need what? Oh…okay fine then. See you soon." Amanda came back down the stairs. "Grab your coats everyone, John needs us in the factory."

"What for?" Zepp asked, while taking the DVD out of our Blu-Ray player.

"Just to help out I guess. He didn't really specify other than that he was having some problems and needed help." Amanda replied, putting her coat on.

Lawrence grabbed the portable DVD player and a few DVDs. "Okay then…"

I grabbed my iPod and phone. "So are we going to be setting up a game? And by we, do you mean that you set it up and do everything while I sit in a corner listening to music or watching a movie?"

"From the urgency in your father's tone, it sounds like everyone will be helping tonight. Even you." Amanda sighed, getting everything together.

The six of us piled into the car and drove to the factory where we arrived to a total mess.

"Jeez Johnny, you really let the place go." Hoffman cringed, picking up an oil-coated piece of paper.

"I'm sorry Mark…" John apologized. He was sitting at his desk drawing some sketches for traps. "I'm just really stressed about this game."

"What do you need us to do?" Amanda asked.

"Try to keep up…" John muttered. "Hoffman, go draw a sketch for this idea" He handed him a paper with a bunch of paragraphs. "Zepp, go gather materials for that trap once Hoffman is done with it. Adam, I need you to get some pictures of these people." John gave Adam a list with some names and addresses on it. "Lawrence, I want you to get some syringes ready to aid in the kidnapping. Amanda, I want you to clear the game area so we can fit our traps in there."

As everyone ran off, I knew this would be another time where I wouldn't be allowed to do anything. "Is there anything you want me to do?" I asked John.

"Actually Izzy, you're going to play a big part in this game." John turned to me with an evil smile.

My eyes widened. "Me? Important?" I nearly screeched.

"Yes you. You're going to kidnap the subjects and then play the game with them." He informed me.

"Wait, I'm going to be in the game?" This time, I did screech.

"Of course, I'll supply you with an advantage beforehand to make sure that nothing happens to you." John assured, holding out some folders to me.

"What are these?" I asked, taking the folders.

"They're going to be the participants of our little game." John pointed out.

I leafed through the files. Dylan Spina, Hannah Patrick, a few others…then I came upon one more than familiar name. Alec Masella.

"Please tell me you handed me the wrong file…please tell me you're secretly keeping a file on my best friend…" I began to cry.

"I'm sorry Izzy, but when you take my place someday, you need to learn that you can't let emotions get in the way of your work." John sighed.

"Well what did he ever do to you?" I sobbed.

"Alec would make a big benefit to the game. His eyes are closed to the world and he needs to open up and see what else the Earth has to offer." He explained.

"I can't believe you'd do this to me!" I shouted.

"Izzy, you're strong. Plus, you'll have the chance to help him. You may not be able to quickly get him out, but you can gently nudge him in the right direction. I know you can do it." John tried to encourage me.

I wiped the tears from my eyes. "Okay…so you want me to kidnap these seven?"

"Yes. Hoffman and Zepp can help you get them back. They're waiting for you in the car. Go. Now. Time is of the essence. Move it. Capiche?" He asked, handing me seven pre-prepared syringes.

"Capiche." I nodded, running off.

The first place we arrived at was the house of Hannah Patrick. Hannah was a drug dealer whose clients were primarily teenage boys. She had a tendency to rape her clients, which is the main reason she was going to be part of the game. I arrived and looked through the windows and found her in her living room doing nothing of much interest. I slipped through a nearby open window and put the pig mask and cloak that I was supplied with on. I quietly slipped behind her and pulled a syringe out of my pocket. She was fairly pretty, and if you didn't know about her dark occupation, you would think she was a nice woman. However, she seemed so vulnerable. I tried to find the right vein. It should be easy; John showed me how to do this when I was seven. I quickly found the vein and injected the drug into her system. She experienced some brief confusion, and then fell over, unconscious. Hoffman hopped out of the car and helped me put the body into the trunk. I pulled out a sheet with everyone's names on it and made a checkmark next to Hannah's name.

"One down, five to go." I said to myself. Next on the list was Dylan Spina. Dylan used to be a movie star, but later went down a dark path of many drug addictions, one of which caused him to kill his girlfriend and her best friend that he believed she was cheating on him with. He lived in a cheap apartment that was pretty easy to find. It also wasn't too hard to flirt with the building owner's son and give him 'my number' (which was really my worst enemy Juniper Dren's number) in exchange for Dylan's room number and the spare key. I entered the room to find that he was already asleep. I didn't need the cloak or mask. I gave him the drug and with Hoffman's help, piled him on top of Hannah's body.

"Next is…Ashlynne Veith." I handed Zepp the address, and we arrived at a large mansion. Ashlynne's job was to make sure everyone paid their taxes and then make sure that the money gets to the government. However, she uses that power to her advantage and sometimes 'loses' that money along the way, then fakes a few numbers, and boom. Fortune for her. Since this was a large mansion, I assumed security would be fairly tight, but I was wrong. The back door was wide open. I ran into the house…and ended up running right into Ashlynne.

Her blue eyes widened at the sight of my pig mask and cloak that I had slipped on before I entered.

"Omigod! You must be a palm reader or something!" She squeaked.

Palm reader? It was strange, but I had no choice to go with it. "Yes Ashlynne. I'm here to read your palm." I hissed.

"You even know my name!" She screeched. "You really are good!" From this I realized that she wasn't necessarily the brightest bulb in the box. I couldn't understand how she amassed this fortune.

I snatched her wrist and pulled a syringe out of my pocket and before she could realize what was happening, I swiftly inserting the syringe into one of the veins in her wrist. She fell limply into my arms, and due to her anorexia, I was able to carry her without the help of Hoffman.

The fourth victim of the game was a druggie named Andrew McDonald. The fifth was Margie Greenhouse, a stripper who killed anyone that would pay for her 'services'. Casey Frank was sixth. Casey was about my age, and he stole his father's car which resulted in ending the lives of 3 other teenagers. Finally, I reached the seventh and final person on the list. The one I wasn't looking forward to. Alec Masella. The name stared menacingly at my soul for having to do this. I remembered where he lived, which sped up the process. I also remembered where he hid the key. I slipped into his house and found him sitting on the couch watching something. I pulled the cloak and the mask on and held the needle up to his neck, but far away enough that he wouldn't notice. I looked at the back of his head. It seemed that no matter which way I looked at him, he was amazing. I took a deep breath in.

"I'm sorry Alec." I whispered. He turned around and before he could see me, I inserted the tip into his neck, knocking him out.

I began to cry as Hoffman helped me carry him to the car.

"Izzy, I know you care about him, but it's all for the best." He advised.

I nodded. "I know, I know. I just can't help myself."

The car ride back to the factory seemed longer than usual knowing that the unconscious body of my best friend was lying behind me.

When we reached the factory with the bodies, John seemed very pleased. "Now everything needs to be set into place." He handed me a needle. "Take this. It's the same drug we gave to the others." He then handed me a slightly smaller needle. "This is the antidote. Take this before you take the first one to assure the poison doesn't kill you. You will have an advantage over the others and you'll live as long as no one else kills you. I have faith in you Izzy. You're my daughter." He kissed the top of my head and led me to the room where Hoffman and Zepp were carrying the unconscious bodies of the other victims. I took the small needle out of my pocket and injected it before throwing it across the room. I look at my surroundings before taking the next injection.

"Goodbye cruel world." I muttered to myself before injected the drug into my skin and tossing it across the room along with other scattered needles before everything went dark.

I woke up to the sounds of screams. People were frantically running everywhere, just like school hallways. Except I wasn't at school, I was in a messy, old factory.

"Where the heck am I?"

"You've been asking that for the past few minutes!"

"I don't care who either of you are or what you want, I just wanna get the heck out of here!"

Strength slowly returned to my muscles as I stood up and looked around me. 'This is just like a play…this factory is like a stage…and now you have to act like a poor defenseless victim and not like Jigsaw's daughter.' I thought. I looked to my right to see Alec slowly getting up

"Wha…what's going on? I don't know you guys-Izzy? What are you doing here?" He asked.

"I'm just as confused as you are…" I sighed.

I caught Ashlynne's bright blue eyes staring a hole through me. She must know that it was me who kidnapped her. "Omigod…you're here too? Was there a meanie fortune teller for you too?"

"Um, no, and do I know you?" I asked.

"You do now!" She squealed.

"Hey guys." Dylan called. "Look over here." He was holding up a tape player.

"Play it!" Hannah urged.

"No freaking way. What if this is a bomb?" He snapped.

I snatched the tape player out of his hands and pressed play.

"Hello everyone. I would like to play a game. You have all been wasting the precious gift of life that you have been offered for various reasons. Hannah, you have been causing young teenagers to go down to dark path you went down at their age. Dylan, you murdered your girlfriend and her best friend while you were high because you thought she was having an affair with him. Ashlynne has been lying and taking advantage of the power in her job. Andrew, you're a druggie. Margie kills her clients, and Casey ended the lives of a few young people. Alec, you really need to open your eyes to the world. Izzy…you should really know why you're here. I don't think an explanation is needed." My father's voice came on the tape recorder, except it was all mixed. "Today you're going to prove that you deserve the lives that you're wasting. In two and a half hours, the locked doors to this building will unlock. However, in two hours, the poison that has been flowing through the vents here ever since you woke up will reach your heart and end your life. The antidotes are scattered around this abandoned factory. The bad news? There are only seven antidotes and eight of you. If you successfully escape the traps, only seven of you will survive." I knew that was a lie because the eighth antidote was given to me. If everyone played by the rules, everyone would survive. "Remember that at many points in this game, you'll need to believe none of what you hear, and half of what you see. Live or die. Make your choice."

"That's just freaking fabulous. We're all gonna die here." Andrew complained.

"Not if we all follow the rules." I told him.

"Rules? What rules? Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see." He sneered.

"If you don't follow by the rules, you'll die for sure." I snapped.

"Well I believe none of that." Andrew shouted.

Alec looked over at me. "Well, I believe you Izzy."

"Good. Are you with me?" I asked, pointing at the door.

"Why not." He shrugged.

Alec and I headed towards the door with Ashlynne, Dylan, Hannah, Margie, and Casey following us. The only one left was Andrew. He picked up a syringe on the ground that seemed to contain something in it. "Guys! I found an antidote!" He shouted. None of us paid any attention to him and we continued to trudge on in the game. "Oh well, all for me!" He said with a laugh. Andrew injected the fluid into his wrist and collapsed. I looked back just in time to see him fall over. I regretted not telling him that the syringe in that room was filled with poison, but I knew it was against the terms of me being in the game.

The room we arrived in contained four needles hanging from the ceiling. There was also a tape on a table that had Margie's named on it. Margie walked over, picked up the tape, and pressed play.

"Hello Margie. People that have seen your shows would call you a very talented stripper, but none of your clients could agree because your thirst for blood causes you to kill them. Now you'll have the chance to satisfy that thirst. One of the four needles hanging from the ceiling contains an antidote. However, the other three needles contain a large dosage of the poison that is being pumped through the vents and will kill you. You could either take a chance by guessing which needle contains the antidote by using it on you, but it could end in your death. Or you could test the needles on the other seven people that are in the room with you, but you could end up using the antidote on them. It's time to make your choice." The tape told her.

Margie examined the needles carefully. "There isn't even a difference between them. The liquid all looks the same."

"So what are you gonna do?" Dylan asked her.

She took two needles and held them up in comparison. "Test them out, what else?" She announced. Margie then reached up and grabbed the other two needles and jammed them into her arm. She fell over instantly.

"She's dead." Hannah said flatly as blood dripped from the marks on her arm.

"Hey guys, check this out. It fell from some trap door when Margie pulled the third needle out of the ceiling." Casey pointed out.

Dylan picked up a needle with a post-it around it. "Believe nothing of what you hear and half of what you see." He read. Dylan observed it for a second, and then injected it into his arm.

We all stared on in horror for a minute or so until we realized that he had found antidote one.

"So what's next?" Alec wondered aloud.

Something shiny caught my eye. It was a key. As everyone argued over what to do, I walked over and slipped the key in my pocket. That's when I noticed the hallway.

"Hey guys, there's a hallway right here!" I announced.

I lead everyone down the hallway until we ran into a door.

"I think this is the door we go through." Ashlynne suggested.

"But it's locked." Casey muttered, trying to open the door. Once I realized it was locked, I knew it was my time to shine.

I fell to my knees and started to fake cough.

"Izzy!" Alec shouted, diving for me.

"Go on without me." I fake choked. "There's another door right there."

"Please…don't let yourself succumb to the poison!" He begged.

"You're the only one who knows where to go, what to do…" Hannah added.

"Just go…my work is done here." I coughed and pretended to faint.

I couldn't see what was going on, but I could tell everyone was fairly upset. "Now what?" Dylan shouted.

"We have to go on without her." Casey sighed.

"No! Not without Izzy!" Alec disagreed.

"Alec, we're leaving. Whether you're with us or not." Casey scolded.

I could hear everyone slowly shuffle out of the room, the last one being Alec. A tear fell on my face, and then the door closed. My eyes snapped open as I looked around to make sure no one remained. Once I was done checking, I stood up, took the key out of my pocket, and unlocked the door. It was about a closet-sized room, and it contained one Post-It and the pig mask and cloak.

'Take the pig mask and cloak and kidnap the person of your choosing. Take them to the 3rd door on the left in the red hallway. Strap them in, and then catch back up with the others. Follow these instructions, and you will live. I have faith in you. Do not fail me.'

I searched the closet for a security camera, and upon finding it gave it a thumbs up to tell John that I was on my way. I slipped the mask and cloak on and headed down the hallway. I quickly fell in behind the others and blended in with the dark surroundings. Before anyone could notice me, I grabbed the closest person, which happened to be Dylan.

"What the-?" He shouted before I covered his mouth and jammed a syringe into his neck.

I slid back into the shadows and found the red hallway, then the 3rd door on the left. Strapping him into the restraints was fairly easy, but the hardest was yet to come. I threw the pig mask and cloak aside and started taking quick breaths to make it seem like I had been running and trying to catch up with the others.

I hardly had to introduce that I was still alive. Alec caught me as soon as I entered the hallway.

"Izzy? You're alive?" He shouted as soon he caught me in his eyesight.

"Yes…" I panted, beginning to take slow, steady breaths again.

"Thank God." Hannah let out a big sigh a relief. "No one else in this group has been making any sense at all."

"I think this door is the right one." Ashlynne said innocently.

"Why?" I laughed. I knew it was the right door, I just had no idea how she figured it out.

"Because it's the prettiest, that's why!" She stated simply.

I shook my head at her stupidity and opened the door. Inside was a glass wall with something behind it you couldn't see, and a chair with a tape on it. The tape had Ashlynne's name on it.

'Hello Ashlynne' The tape began as she pressed play. 'You've lied your way into getting millions of dollars, but now it's time to learn from those lies. Behind this wall is one of your little friends.' The room lit up, revealing Dylan, whose screams were muffled by the gag in his mouth. 'You will be asked a series of questions, and if you tell the truth, the little lie detector that's behind the glass wall as well will know it, and a vise will slowly tighten around his chest. If you lie, a vise will begin to tighten around your chest.' Before she could move, a giant Angel Trap like machine swung down from the ceiling and attached itself to her upper body. 'Remember, if you lie, you die. If you tell the truth, he dies. There is no in-between. Make your choice.' Ashlynne gasped as a piece of paper fell down from the ceiling.

'Answer in order.

Who did you first steal money from?

Why?

Who do you despise the most in this game?

Why?

How many affairs have you had?

Do you truly love your boyfriend?

Do you think Margie is a whore?

Do you think Izzy is hiding something?

Who do you truly love?

Did you ever believe what I said?'

"Uh…uh…" Ashlynne stuttered. "Samantha Conella?" The vise around her began to tighten. "Because I wanted to?" It tightened again. She let out a horrifying scream of pain. "I despise Andrew the most because he didn't follow the stupid rules!" Her vise tightened a third, then fourth time. "I haven't had any affairs! I love my boyfriend!" The vise slowly began to dig into her ribcage. Most of us turned away. "Of course! Margie is a whore!" Dylan's vise tightened so it would reach the level of hers. "Wait, Izzy is hiding something?" Both vises began to tear their ribs. "I love no one and I don't believe a masochistic murderer!" She screeched as the vise dug into her chest as well as Dylan's. It killed them both instantly. One single piece of paper fluttered from the ceiling.

'Believe none of what you hear, and half of what you see.'

I looked over at the dead body of Ashlynne and sighed. If only I could tell them.

We left the room and continued down the hallway until we reached a door with two signs on it.

'Open Me.' said one sign. 'Do not open me.' said the other.

"Believe only half of what you see." Alec recited.

"So which half do we believe?" Casey wondered.

I stared at the door. "Everyone move to the right side." I told them. After everyone moved, I opened the door. Two bullets fired out of it. They fired from the left side, and they just barely missed me. I closed the door, and then opened it again. "Ta-dah." I said flatly. Alec, Casey, and Hannah stared at the door in disbelief for a few moments before we entered. As soon as I entered, someone grabbed me and covered my mouth.

"Izzy!" Casey shouted. He tried to grab me from my captor, but whoever it was used a lot of force to drag me away.

The person kidnapping me dragged me into a dim room. I looked up confusedly at the person in the pig mask until they pulled it off and I realized it was none other than Hoffman.

"Hoffman!" I threw my arms around him. "What are you doing here?"

"John told me to come and 'take you away' so it wouldn't be suspicious when you left to set the pace for the rest of the game." He instructed, throwing the pig mask at me. "Go into the door over on my right. Put the pig mask on, put the restraints on, and sit there. Once the others arrive, they'll take the mask off of you. I'm going to apply some makeup to you so it looks like you've been beaten or injured or something. Start screaming and acting scared. If they fail the game, one of them will die, and we're going to use one of those effects that they use in cheesy horror films so it'll create the illusion that you died too. If they win, everyone will survive. You're an actress. You can do it."

I put the mask on after Hoffman finished with my makeup and headed into the room and slipped the fake restraints on. I waited for a few minutes or so until I heard the trio enter. I then heard a gasp, a click, and a tape beginning to play.

'Hello. If you are listening to this, you're at the end of the road in your game. It also means you may have found out the hard way that every trap that seemed inescapable really had a solution. There was the extra needle, the option of lying for half and telling the truth for half, and now, you're here. You may have noticed that you're missing a team member. Do you want to know where she is? Well, she's dead. And do you want to know who is under the mask? A criminal. Someone who hasn't paid enough for the damage they caused to dozens of lives. Here, I have supplied you with a gun. You can kill this woman without revealing her identity, or you could find out who she is, but you know what they say. Curiosity killed the cat. There are two bullets in the gun. Make your choice.'

I heard many rummaging noises and I looked over at the gun that was loaded next to me. If the pulled the mask off of me, the hidden gun would go off and kill whoever was in its path. Then I heard someone approach and rip the mask off my head. Instantly, I started screaming. That was supposed to be my natural reaction. I shut my eyes quickly and the gun fired. When I opened my eyes, the hidden gun hadn't killed anyone.

"I thought the dude said you were a criminal!" Casey complained.

"Believe nothing of what you hear…" I began.

"And half of what you see." The others finished.

"At least you're not dead." Alec smiled, wrapping his arms around me.

"That's just fricking fantabulous, now are you guys gonna untie me or what?" I shouted.

The others quickly untied me and I looked around. Wait, what now? Then, I noticed Hannah looking suspiciously at me. It was then that I found a tape with my name on it that had just slid under a crack in the wall. I picked it up, took one of the guns, and ran to another room to play it.

'Izzy? Izzy? You there? Are you alive?' Lawrence's frantic voice came over on the tape.

'Larry, give John the freaking tape.' Amanda yelled at him.

I heard the tape being handed over to my father. 'Hello Izzy. If our sources are correct, it appears that Hannah has found you out. I know it's the last thing you want to do, but I need you to kill her.' Just then, I heard a door slamming behind me.

"So." Hannah began. "You're the killer's little whatever. His pet. His protégé. I couldn't care less. All I know is that you lied to us, and now it's time for you to pay." I heard the sound of a gun being picked up and quickly turned around. Let's see, one gun was empty. The other gun had two bullets. What is the probability of my gun being the loaded one? One half. So which gun is loaded? Oh stupid math, don't fail me now!

Without thinking, I picked up the gun and fired it, closing my eyes in worry that this was the end.

I heard Hannah's body fall to the ground.

I rushed over to see her wound. It was a bullet to the chest. I felt a pang of sadness in my heart for her, but I knew it needed to be done.

"Just so you know…" I sniffed. "I did this for my father." I walked slowly over to the door, opened it, and stood in the doorway. "Game over." I said flatly, slamming the door.

I walked over to Alec and Casey. The three of us were going to be the survivors of Jigsaw's game.

"So according to the clock," Alec stated, pointing at a big clock on the wall. "We've got ten minutes left to get the hell out of here."

"And the doors will open in forty minutes." I finished.

"But we'll be dead by then." Casey muttered.

"So we need to either get a key, or find three antidotes." Alec confirmed.

"Everyone split up and find a key or antidote!" I shouted, running off in a random direction. It didn't matter where I went. I knew where all the keys and antidotes were; I just couldn't get them or find them. Alec and Casey were on their own. About 9 minutes later, I returned to find Alec and Casey standing in our original spot with two antidotes.

"You didn't find one?" Alec screeched.

I pretended to look down at my empty hands in horror. "No! I didn't!"

"But there's only one minute left!" Casey said frantically.

I knew it was time to fake die again. "Just go on without me…" I coughed, gently crumpling to the ground.

I knew that the antidotes hidden near the end would not only cure them of the poison, but knock them out. Once they took them, they would be out cold and I could get them home safely, as well as help John and the others with the bodies. In a minute or two, I heard the door open and people began to shuffle in. I slowly stood up and looked at the unconscious bodies of Alec and Casey. Ah, they looked so peaceful. Then I looked up at my family.

"So what now?" I shrugged.

**A/N:** LONGEST CHAPTER EVER! YES! So this is a pretty big chapter because it makes you realize there's another side to Izzy. A side of bravery, courage, and the ability to stand up in the face of death. So for those of you who like the sillier side of My Life as opposed to the more serious side, don't worry. I have an interesting plan for the next two chapters. One involves a popular video game, and the other involving the word 'cajolery'. So I'll see you guys soon! :) ~Izzy


	9. Mario Kart Tournament

My Life: The Mario Kart Tournament

It was a pretty typical Saturday. Nothing to do. I found myself sitting on the computer, surfing Facebook at about 10 in the morning until John came in and told me I had to get off. Bored, I headed upstairs and sat in the playroom. I looked around. I did have my Wii…yeah, I could play with that. When I turned it on, I noticed that the game currently in was Mario Kart.

An hour or so of addictive playing later, Hoffman was the first one to join in.

"Izzy? What are you doing in here?" He asked, entering the room.

"Running a marathon! What does it look like I'm doing?" I snapped at him. "Now shut up! You're gonna make me run into this Goomba!"

"Ooh, Mario Kart! Can I play?" Hoffman cheered.

"As soon as I'm done with this Grand Prix." I muttered, trying to avoid an obstacle. Then Amanda came in.

"Whatcha doin' Izzy?" She asked.

"RUNNING A MARATHON!" Hoffman and I shouted together.

"Okay…'cause it looked like you were playing Mario Kart…" She said skeptically.

"Do you want in?" Hoffman asked her.

"Sure!" She accepted.

"Hey, maybe we should get everyone together and have a big tournament!" I offered.

"Wow, sounds great!" Hoffman shouted.

"Amanda, could you go call everyone up?" I asked Amanda who was looking out the window aimlessly. "Amanda?" I asked again. "Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda…mom, mom, mom, mommy, mommy, mommy, mama, mama, mama, ma, ma, ma, ma, mum, mum, mum, mum, mommy, mommy, mama, mama, mama!" **[1]**

"WHAT?!?!?!" She screeched.

"Hi." I whispered, and then started laughing. "Just kidding! Chill…yeah so…can you go call everyone?"

"Oh…" She sighed. "Sure."

A few minutes later, everyone arrived, and things went crazy like they usually do.

"Hey Zepp, can you throw me the newspaper?" Hoffman asked. Zepp nodded and handed him the paper. "Hm, that's strange. I thought it would be big news."

"You thought what would be big news?" Zepp asked, tilting his head.

"Well, there seems to be an absence of a certain ornithological piece. A headline regarding mass awareness of a certain avian variety." Hoffman said flatly.

"What are you talking about?" Zepp lowered his eyebrows.

"Oh have you not heard? It was my understanding that everyone had heard." Hoffman told him, trying very hard not to smile. I knew what was coming.

"Heard what?" Zepp asked, very confused.

"Zepp, don't!" I warned him. But it was too late.

"That a bird bird bird, bird is the word!" Hoffman began to sing. I smacked my forehead and lead the others up to the playroom. **[2]**

I stood up in front of the TV to introduce the tournament. "Alright everyone, this is how the tournament will be set up. There's a list of who's playing who on the wall over there. So first up will be…John and Diana!"

"Playing against a little girl?" John said aside to Amanda. "This is gonna be easy!"

The two stepped up to the Wii, picked up the wheels, and started the Mushroom Cup.

Long story short, Diana kicked John's ass.

"I lost…to a freaking kid…" John said, mouth wide open.

"Look mom, I won!" Diana cheered, grabbing Alison's arm and pointing at the television.

"So John is out for now. The next matchup will be…Jill versus Hoffman!" I announced.

They stepped up to the Wii. "How do you use this thing?" Hoffman wondered aloud holding the wheel upside down and backwards. I walked over to him and adjusted it. "Oh. I knew that!"

The first race of the Mushroom Cup went pretty well. Jill totally and utterly kicked butt on the Luigi Circuit coming in 1st with Hoffman in 5th. During the second race in Moo Moo Meadows, the race ended in a close finish with Hoffman winning by a nose. During the Mushroom Gorge, Hoffman knocked Jill off a cliff, resulting in Jill finishing in 10th and Hoffman in 2nd. And in the final race, Hoffman secured his victory by coming in first with Jill in third.

"I was beaten by the guy who couldn't even hold the goddamn wheel at first." Jill scoffed. "You shouldn't have shown him!" She shouted, blaming me.

"Um, yeah…whatever. Our next race will be…Adam and Amanda!" I declared, brushing Jill's comment off.

"I'm up for the challenge if you are!" Adam exclaimed.

Amanda smiled crookedly and wordlessly stepped up to the Wii.

Amanda just barely beat Adam.

The next matches were Alison versus Zepp (Zepp won), and finally, Lawrence versus me, and I won.

After the next round, the race was narrowed down to the final two.

Izzy versus Zepp.

I stepped up to the Wii and chose the hardest cup of them all. The Special Cup.

The race began in Dry Dry Ruins, which Zepp won easily. The next race was in Moonview Highway, which I won. Zepp won again in Bowser's Castle, but was really nervous going into Rainbow Road. This was my worst stage, as well as Zepp's best. If I tried really hard, I could either tie with him, or beat him by one or two points. I remember how I felt zooming across the finish line on the final lap. Happy. On top of the world. I made it without falling off!

But Zepp finished in first. I finished in second.

While everyone hoisted him up into the air, I plopped down on the couch and tried not to look like a poor sport. One, I was upset about not winning, and two, I couldn't lift someone up for my life. Mainly the second one.

After they let Zepp down, he came over to me.

"Is everything okay?" He asked.

"I guess I'm a little upset I didn't win, but it's nothing." I shrugged.

"Izzy, don't worry! No matter what place you come in, you'll always be my winner." Zepp said insightfully, putting his arm around me.

I leaned against his shoulder. "You're a real sweetheart Zepp." I sighed.

"Really?" He wondered. "I'd think that a guy who nearly had to kill a mother and her daughter wouldn't be all that great…"

"Shut up!" I laughed, playfully slapping him.

"Well Izzy, here's your prize." Zepp said softly, picking me up and carrying me out of the room.

Ah, life is good.

* * *

**A/N:** I'll admit, this was more of a filler chapter to show you that I'm still alive as opposed to anything else. I'm happy I got it done, but I just hate the chapter in general. I had no choice though because I didn't have any other chapters in progress and I wanted to update soon...

**[1] **Lois, Lois, Lois, Lois...hehehe  
**[2]** BIRD BIRD BIRD, BIRD IS THE WORD! (This is what happens when Izzy watches too much Family Guy...)


	10. The Pretty Pony

My Life: The Pretty Pony

"_Once upon a time, there was a pretty pony named Mitchell. You could call him Mitch if you wanted. So anyways, this pony lived on Planet Sunshine where everyone is happy and does the Special Snowflake dance! So one day, Mitch and his BFF Rosy, who was another pretty pony, decided they wanted to go on an adventure! So they packed happy granola bars and sunshine bananas into their knapsacks and walked off into a random direction! They're talkin' like a duck quack quack something about pants on the ground…uhh…oh yeah! The adventure! So anyways, Mitch and Rosy were skipping and singing songs about happy things, when all of a sudden they came to the Happy River of Happiness! So they went swimming in the Happy River of Happiness, and then continued on their adventure. Next, they had to climb the Marshmallow Mountain, which was made entirely out of marshmallows! So instead of climbing it, Mitch and Rosy decided to eat it. First, they roasted it over a giant fire, drizzled it with giant chocolate sauce, then put it between two giant graham crackers and then finally ate it. It was very very very very very very very very very very very very very very…uh….very very very very delicious or something. So afterwards, Mitch and Rosy had to go and skip through the merry field of pretty flowers! There were daisies and roses and…uh…some other stuff…like…peanut brittle…peanut brittle! Wanna watch a movie? _**[1]**_ Oh yeah, sorry. So anyways…Mitch and Rosy skipped through the field and were very careful not to trample any of the delicate flowers. After they skipped through the field, they decided to sit down on a pretty purple and sky blue bench to eat a happy granola bar. As they sat on the bench, they saw one of their friends coming from afar! It was Jenny Penny, another pretty pony! She skipped up to the two best friends and said "Hello!" _

_Mitch asked Jenny Penny "Do you want to join our adventure?"_

"_I would love to Mitchell and Rosy!" She exclaimed, taking a happy granola bar from their knapsack and cheerily taking a bite._

_Rosy decided to engage Jenny Penny and Mitch in conversation. "So, do you like muffins?" She asked, her voice like the highest key on a piano._

"_Oh, I love muffins!" Mitch exclaimed. "Muffins are the greatest things in the entire world!!"_

"_I know!" Jenny Penny cheered._

"_So have any of you heard the story of the Little Engine that Could?" Mitch asked._

"_Ooh, tell us the story!" Rosy shouted._

"_Deep deep in the jungle there was this little engine that could. He was chugging his way across the enemy line. Chugga, chugga, toot, toot! This little engines mission was to carry some ak47's and a nuclear payload over the mountain to the 6023 battalion. Needless to say, there was plenty oppositions. Did that stop the little engine that could?" Mitch asked. Rosy and Jenny Penny shook their heads. No sireebob! He just kept chugging along! Chugga, chugga, toot, toot! " Rosy and Jenny Penny smiled at each other sweetly. "Not even when they climbed up on the train and popped the eyes of the conductor, and blood and snot was dripping out his eye sockets. Did that stop the little engine that could?" They shook their heads again, a look of worry crossing their face. "Damn Skippy, he just kept chugging along! Chugga, chugga, toot, toot! Until Johnny rigged the bridge with plastic explosives. Just as the little engine was making his way across the river, BOOM!" Mitch shouted, startling Rosy and Jenny Penny. "An explosion happened! Blood and guts and spit and ass was everywhere! And Bubba came crawling out the back door, both legs missing! 'Lola little baby boy!' He said looking up at me. 'I can't feel my legs!' I said 'Bubba, they ain't there!' And I looked down, and them little bloody nubs was kicking real fast, and I said 'Bubba, it's thirty miles to the next town! Unless you can flip upside down and walk on your head, you can't make it!' All of a sudden, Johnny was all over the place! Just me and my side on, and I had no other alternative…but to blast my way out!" Mitch then let out a blood curdling scream that sent Rosy and Jenny penny reeling behind the bench. "DIE PIG DIE! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE MAJOR BENSON WINNIFORD PAYNE ALIVE! BAM! I SAW WHAT YOU DID TO MY FRIEND! BAM! BAM! BAM BAM BAM!" Mitch stopped when he realized that Jenny Penny and Rosy were staring at him, their eyes wide with fear. "Uh…to be continued! When I get back to that story, I'll tell you what Bubba used as a penis!" _**[2]**

_Rosy and Jenny Penny had no other option but to run off into the forest and never look back. They dashed as fast as their little feet-er…hooves could carry them. It was then that they bumped into another pony friend named Mr. Mollywobbles. "MY NAME IS-" He began to sing._

"_No time for singing, just run!" Rosy shouted, grabbing his mane and dragging him to a cave._

"_I think we're safe." Jenny Penny whispered._

"_Safe from what?" Mr. Mollywobbles shouted._

"_Shh! Don't shout!" Jenny Penny hissed."We're safe from the worst story ever!"_

"_It was scary…" Rosy shivered._

"_So what now?" Mr. Mollywobbles asked, much quieter._

"_I can't think with you breathing so loudly Mollywobbles…" Jenny Penny muttered._

"_But that's not me…" Mr. Mollywobbles said, confused._

"_It's not me either…" Rosy said, afraid._

"_Then who-?" Jenny Penny asked, but was cut off by the roar of a bear._

_The three screamed, but screaming did them no good. The lucky ones got away with just a broken hoof. Rosy however, was eaten by the bear. Her blood and guts were spilled all over the cave as well as all over Mr. Mollywobbles and Jenny Penny. The two ran out of the forest, but were stopped by the blood stained figure of Mitch holding a gun._

"_You'll never get away from me alive!" He cackled._

_BAM! Jenny Penny fell to the ground with a thud, blood everywhere. Mr. Mollywobbles screamed and tried to run but BAM! Mitch shot him too. Then finally, BAM! Mitch had pointed the gun at his chest and shot himself as many times as possible. Blood gushed out of the wound and guts slowly began to seep out of it onto the unconscious body of Mr. Mollywobbles, whose brain had fallen out of his crushed skull and his face was-"_

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!" I shouted.

"What, you don't like my bedtime story?" Hoffman asked.

"That's not a bedtime story…" I muttered. "The Little Engine That Could is a better story!"

"Oh, so you want to hear what Bubba used as a penis?" Hoffman asked excitedly.

"God no!" I screeched in horror. "I think I'd rather go to bed. See you in the morning Hoffman." I threw the sheets over my head.

"Night Izzy!" Hoffman shouted over his shoulder as he left.

I sighed as I turned my iPod on and listened to it for a few minutes. I uttered one thing before falling asleep.

"Zepp, get out of my closet."

"Damn…" Zepp muttered, walking out of my closet with a sheet over his head.

* * *

**[1] Does anyone else LOVE that commercial besides me and my friend Amanda? (No, not Amanda from Saw! XD)**

**[2] I will give a cookie to anyone that can tell me what movie that quote is from!**

**A/N: **It's about time! I'm sorry for the lack of update. I had drama club and that took up all of my time...=P  
But anyways, special thanks to the following things/people: Mitch (One of my first friends who the character in Hoffman's story is named after. Thanks for randomly deciding to pretend I don't exist. I wish you the worst! (: ), the movie that I quoted in **[2]**, SpongeBob SquarePants, Cosmo Brownies, SawManiac211, Ryan Atkins, and the evil gnomes that live in my sink!


	11. Jigsaw Takes a Vacation

My Life: Jigsaw Takes a Vacation

"Bye Dad!" I shouted, waving at my father who was loading his bags into his car.

"See you in a week John." Amanda gave John a parting kiss, and stepped back as he got into the car and drove away.

"So what are we gonna do now?" Amanda asked me. "Hoffman isn't visiting again until next week, and Zepp has to work overtime at the hospital so he won't be home until really late."

"Idk my bff Amanda." I quoted the popular Cingular commercial.

"Well, are you hungry? I can make a mean Mac n' Cheese!" Amanda suggested.

"Um…I think I'm good right now." I sighed.

"Are you sure? Not even an apple?" She asked, persistent.

"I'm sure." I nodded.

"Well, I'll start on some dinner for you to eat later. Let me know if you get hungry." Amanda said, skipping off. I gave her a weird look, and then grabbed my cell phone.

About an hour later, I looked over at the clock in my room. I had been talking to Lindsey on the phone for about an hour now.

"I've made paper snowflakes before and they're lots of fun. I'm actually doing it right now! You should too!" Lindsey suggested.

"Sure, why not? So I need coffee filters and scissors?" I asked.

"Yeah." She confirmed.

I ran downstairs to get the supplies from Amanda's desk. When I went downstairs, I could've sworn that I smelt burning food, but I figured Amanda was working on a trap with fire and ignored it.

"So I just fold it a bunch of times then cut it up, right?" I asked Lindsey when I got upstairs.

"Yeah. Easy peasy lemon squeezy." She said.

I followed her instructions and opened it and found that it looked a lot better than I expected. "Ooh, pretty!"

"Bring it to school tomorrow and show me! I gotta go now, homework as usual. See you!" She said, and then hung up.

I sighed and set the scissors down on my desk and looked around. **[1]** That's when I realized that I could still smell smoke coming from downstairs somewhere. I decided to head down and investigate. When I got downstairs I saw an ominous black cloud lingering on the ceiling. But things were the worst when I reached the kitchen. I saw an entire pot on fire. On. Fire. Amanda was staring at it with a horrified but yet satisfied look on her face.

"What the hell Mom?!" I shouted, rushing for the fire extinguisher. The white substance put out the fire and also covered Amanda.

"Get this white stuff off of me!" She screeched like she had just been doused in acid.

"One, that's what she said. Two, why did you just set our dinner on fire?!" I yelled, throwing the extinguisher back into the pantry.

Amanda wiped the foam off of her face. "I guess I did something wrong…I'm sorry. Forgive me?" She extended her arms towards me for a hug.

"I'm not hugging you with that all over you." I teased.

She ignored me and pulled me into a hug, getting foam all over me. "Too bad!" She giggled like a schoolgirl.

"Oh come on!" I whined. "This is a brand new shirt!"

A few minutes later, I returned to the kitchen after finishing my homework to find a similar situation. The microwave was on fire this time, and I was forced to extinguish it a second time. Amanda insisted the same thing as last time.

"Why don't you make something that doesn't involve fire or microwaves? How about a bowl of cereal? I don't see how you could mess that up…" I suggested. When I returned, the bowl was on fire. "How the hell do you set a bowl of cereal on fire?!"

"I was just pouring the cereal into the bowl and then BOOM!" She explained. "Spontaneous combustion! Don't you just love those words?"

"Well yeah, but I never thought it would happen to me…" I rolled my eyes. "Here's your final test mom. Make take an Uncrustable out of the freezer, and let it thaw for a few hours. It's freaking frozen so there shouldn't be a problem. I'll pour some milk myself so you don't mess that up."

"You're such a milkaholic…" Amanda rolled her eyes.

"Milka-whaaat?" **[2]** I laughed, leaving the kitchen. As soon as I left the kitchen, I raced upstairs and peered over the ledge, which gave me a clear view of the kitchen so I could see if Amanda messed anything up. I watched her carefully take the frozen sandwich out of the freezer and place it onto the counter. Nothing happened, so she silently cheered and then left the kitchen.

About a few hours later, I came downstairs to find everything in one piece. No fires, nothing burned (except everything from before), and everything was totally normal. I found Amanda leaning against the fridge smiling. I smiled back, put the Uncrustable on a plate, poured some milk, then sat down at the 'bar' slash 'counter' where we usually eat. Amanda slowly picked up the plate and walked towards me…and then the plate suddenly burst into flames just as she set it down.

"I can't do anything right!" She wailed, bursting into tears.

"Amanda…I…I…I'm sorry." I said, trying to comfort her.

"No, I just can't do this! How am I going to handle John being away for a week?" She screeched. She fled the room and ran upstairs.

The next day, I dreaded seventh period. If Amanda burns just about everything she touches, I'll never get to eat proper food. She didn't even care enough to give me money to buy some food with. When I got to the lunchroom, I took a deep breath in and opened my lunchbox. Instead of finding burnt food, I found normal looking food and a note.

'Dear Izzy,

I know your mom can't cook, so I pre-packed your lunch for today, but for the next few days you might want to ask Hoffman or Zepp to make you lunch-preferably Zepp unless you enjoy an all muffin lunch. Trust me. It's fun for a day or so but afterwards you get sick of it. Call me if you have any issues.

Love, Dad'

I smiled and face palmed myself. I looked up at the sky and mouthed "Thanks Dad". I giggled to myself as I picked up a normal looking Uncrustable and bit into it.

"What are you laughing about?" Kayla asked.

"Nothing." I said softly, still trying not to laugh.

She gave me a weird look and went back to her food. "Whatever you say Izzy."

* * *

**[1] Remember this, it'll be a key point in a later chapter.  
[2] I love this commercial XD**

**A/N: **Not much to say about this chapter. Not sure what's next, just some more fun stuff and maybe a big plot chapter similar to The Ultimate Sacrifice. Talk to ya'll later, and feel free to ask questions or say anything about the story. AND KEEP CLICKING THAT REVIEW BUTTON! :D


	12. AIM

My Life: AIMs

glimmermuffins has signed in.

DetectiveAwesome has signed in.

DetectiveAwesome: Hey Izzy!

glimmermuffins: Hey Uncle H. What's up?

DetectiveAwesome: The usual. Strahm is being such a moron it's not even funny.

glimmermuffins: Haha sucks for you!

ZHheartsIYK has signed in.

glimmermuffins: ZEPP!

ZHheartsIYK: IZZY! :tackleglomp:

glimmermuffins: Are you two coming over for dinner tonight?

DetectiveAwesome: 'Fraid not kiddo. Perez thinks she has a 'lead' on the Jigsaw case.

ZHheartsIYK: I'll be over at 7. I'm on break right now and it ends in like…half an hour.

KillerInside666 has signed in.

KillerInside666: Go do your homework Izzy!

glimmermuffins: I finished it!

KillerInside666: That's what they all say…

DetectiveAwesome: FAIL!

KillerInside666: Shut up Mark…

JTuck09 has signed in.

JTuck09: What did I miss?

KillerInside666 has signed out.

ZHheartsIYK: I'm not even gonna comment on what just happened…

FeetAreOverrated has signed in.

PhotoDude200 has signed in.

FeetAreOverrated: Hey!

ZHheartsIYK: Paging Dr. Gordon, YOU'RE NOT ON BREAK LIKE ME!

PhotoDude200: Paging Zepp Hindle, the island called, they want Ben Linus back.

JTuck09: What does Lost have to do with anything?

glimmermuffins: Ben Linus…:dreamy sigh:

ZHheartsIYK: Ben Linus is overrated. What does he have that I don't?

glimmermuffins: Idk my bff Jill. **[1]**

JTuck09: What about me?

DetectiveAwesome: *headdesk*

FeetAreOverrated has signed out.

KillerInside666 has signed in.

KillerInside666: Is the horrid bitch gone yet?

PhotoDude200: Uh-oh…

JTuck09: Excuse me?

CherishYourLife has signed in.

glimmermuffins: Thank God! Someone that makes sense!

CherishYourLife: Hoffman, are you sure you can't come over? Izzy made muffins!

glimmermuffins: They were a labor of love :] **[2]**

DetectiveAwesome: MUFFINS? WHERE?

ZHheartsIYK: Do I get a muffin too?

KillerInside666: I swear…I didn't mean it…

CherishYourLife: You just need to come over.

glimmermuffins: Of course Zepp

JTuck09: Of course you didn't you skank…

DetectiveAwesome: Woo-hoo!

PhotoDude200: You guys scare me…

glimmermuffins: But you love us anyways!

KillerInside666: Look who's talking!

ZHheartsIYK: But she loves me the most…

CherishYourLife: I think they're chocolate chip muffins…

JTuck09: Excuse me you awful whore? Get the fuck away from MY family!

DetectiveAwesome: YES! My favorite kind!

glimmermuffins: Of course I do Zepp :D

PhotoDude200: Yeah, but I'm better =P

KillerInside666: Your family? Izzy is my daughter!

CherishYourLife: Look, can't we all just try to get along? **[3]**

PhotoDude200: NO! Izzy knows I'm the best!

JTuck09: NO! Your slutty second wife always ruins everything!

ZHheartsIYK: NO! Izzy loves me the most!

KillerInside666: NO! Your ex-wife can't stand the fact that you love me more!

DetectiveAwesome: Mmm…muffins…

glimmermuffins: TOO MANY VOICES!

FeetAreOverrated has signed in.

FeetAreOverrated: What did I miss?

CherishYourLife: Clearly everything…

PhotoDude200: And I refuse to be quiet until Izzy admits that I'm the best!

PhotoDude200: Blah

PhotoDude200: Blah blah blah!

PhotoDude200: I'm a little teapot short and stout!

PhotoDude200: Here is my handle, here is my spout.

ZHheartsIYK: SHUT UP!

glimmermuffins: Screw this, I'm gonna go watch Lost. Ben Linus is better than both of you :]

glimmermuffins is away: Hey, soul sisterrr...

ZHheartsIYK: I've been beaten…

PhotoDude200: Well, this should be interesting. Hehe. Ben Linus.

ZHheartsIYK: Don't you dare quote that idiot around me! Ben Linus is nothing. Nothing at all. I am Izzy's one true love, and she just has yet to realize it.

glimmermuffins: Abcdefg, gummy bears are chasing me. One is red, one is blue, and a yellow one just stole my shoe!

ZHheartsIYK: Oh…you're still here?

glimmermuffins has signed out.

PhotoDude200: Epic fail.

JTuck09: I hate Amanda.

JTuck09 has signed out.

KillerInside666: I hate Jill.

KillerInside666 has signed out.

ZHheartsIYK: I hate Adam.

ZHheartsIYK has signed out.

FeetAreOverrated: I hate Zepp.

PhotoDude200: Me too.

FeetAreOverrated has signed out.

PhotoDude200 has signed out.

CherishYourLife: …

DetectiveAwesome: So…is the dinner invitation still good?

CherishYourLife: Yeah.

DetectiveAwesome: I'll be over at 7:30.

DetectiveAwesome has signed out.

CherishYourLife: I'm always the last one to leave…

CherishYourLife has signed out.

Two hours later…

glimmermuffins has signed in.

DetectiveAwesome has signed in.

glimmermuffins: Are you still coming over?

DetectiveAwesome: Wouldn't miss it for the world :D

glimmermuffins: Great. Can you stick around and help with traps and stuff afterwards, or do you need to head back to the police station?

DetectiveAwesome: I might be able to. I'll talk to Erickson and see if I can get out of overtime.

glimmermuffins: Don't work yourself too hard, mkay?

DetectiveAwesome: Sure, sure, whatever.

Erickson approached Hoffman. "What are you doing Mark?"

Hoffman quickly closed the AIM conversation and whirled around in his chair. "Looking some information up on the Jigsaw case. Maybe the media found out something that we didn't know about."

"I doubt it." Erickson growled. "Now what were you really doing?"

"Talking to my niece on AIM." Hoffman said.

"Niece? Your sister is dead, and she was your only sibling." Erickson raised an eyebrow, a tone of suspicion in his voice.

Hoffman bit his lower lip. "Uh, well, technically, she's not my niece. She's actually my goddaughter, but she just calls me Uncle Hoffman, so I call her my niece."

"Who on Earth would trust you that much?" Erickson laughed.

"Oh, just a close family friend." Hoffman looked up at Erickson, hoping he would buy it.

"Whatever you say…" Erickson shrugged and walked away.

He walked into the hallways and found Agents Strahm and Perez discussing the latest victims of Jigsaw.

"I identified the bodies as Hannah Patrick, Dylan Spina, Ashlynne Veith, Andrew McDonald, and Margie Greenhouse." Strahm said. "We found that there were three survivors of the game, but we could only identify one. His name is Casey Frank. We're still looking into the other two, but we know their names are Alec and Izzy." **[4]**

"Hello Peter, hello Lindsey." Erickson greeted the pair.

"Good evening." Perez greeted him. "We were just discussing the latest victims."

"Or so I heard." Erickson said. "Listen, there's something suspicious about Mark, and I need your help to figure out just what it is."

"What do you mean suspicious?" Strahm asked.

"He was on the computer today talking to someone and he claimed it was his 'goddaughter'." Erickson explained what had happened earlier.

"You don't think…" Perez began.

"He's the next…" Strahm continued her sentence, but couldn't bear to finish it.

"Jigsaw apprentice." Erickson finished it for them. "Maybe."

"I have an idea." Strahm said. "Next week sometime, Lindsey and I will follow Mark around to see what he's up to. Then when we get back, we'll give you a full report and let you know if any arrests need to be made."

"Thanks Peter. You're always faithful to the force." Erickson nodded and left.

"I just can't believe it was Mark…he's always been a nice guy." Perez sighed.

"You never know what someone's thinking on the inside." Strahm said. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Bye." She said flatly. Strahm kissed her on the cheek, then left.

* * *

**A/N: **Dundundunnnn :D

**[1] Again with this commercial!**

**[2] SpongeBob!**

**[3] HSM2...I miss you so much :(**

**[4] Chapter 8, anyone? XD**


	13. You Will Not Remain Untested

**A/N: Warning. Very dark and angsty. :D**

* * *

My Life: You Will Not Remain Untested

I slammed the door and stared blankly ahead of me into my room. Everything had officially taken a turn for the worst. My friends were pissed at me. My grades were plummeting. Cody was…just being Cody. My entire family was of course, too busy to spend any time with me. Especially Zepp. Usually he's the nicest guy ever to me, but he was way too busy working overtime and helping with traps. I looked around and tried to find a solution, but everything seemed hopeless. Then, I saw it.

_"Bring it to school tomorrow and show me! I gotta go now, homework as usual. See you!" She said, and then hung up._

_I sighed and set the __**scissors**__ down on my desk and looked around. That's when I realized that I could still smell smoke coming from downstairs somewhere. I decided to head down and investigate._

The scissors. I took a deep breath in as I picked them up and tossed them back and forth between my hands. Taking one more breath, I pressed the blade of the scissors to my left wrist and dragged them across. It bled and stung like crazy, but I couldn't help myself. Tears slowly began to pour down my face, but I didn't stop. Instead, I lifted the scissors and pressed them to another point on my wrist. As soon as I finished, everything was shaking. My arm felt like it was on fire. The tears poured down even more and I pressed a wet cloth to my cuts to try to stop the bleeding. As I removed the cloth, it didn't help a lot. The tears fell into the cuts and it hurt even more, but for some reason I liked it. I snatched the scissors up and made another deep cut. The blood poured down my arm and stained the hem of my shirt. Then a knock came at the door.

"Izzy?" It was John. "Can I come in?"

"Uh, hold on." I tried to hold in the tears. "I'm not decent." I threw on a sweatshirt to hide my cuts, and then opened the door.

"I just wanted to let you know that we're having a family game night tonight. Me, you, Mom, Hoffman, and Zepp. Lawrence and Adam might join too, but we're not sure." John said.

I sighed and glanced at my wrist. "That's great."

"What's wrong?" John asked, narrowing his eyebrows.

"Oh, nothing." I looked back up at him with a smile.

"See you tonight Iz." He messed up my hair and walked away.

That night, Hoffman, Zepp, John, Amanda, Lawrence, Adam, and I sat around the table in the living room.

"Truth." Adam said. He had been asked Truth or Dare by Amanda.

"How far have you and Larry gone?" Amanda asked deviously.

"Uh…second base…" Adam said awkwardly. Lawrence's face turned bright red. A chorus of 'awww's and 'ooooh's followed it. "We were drunk, okay?"

"I wanna dare Izzy, I wanna dare Izzy!" Hoffman shouted, waving his hand in the air like crazy. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare me sucka!" I smiled cockily. **[1]**

Hoffman looked up at the ceiling. "I dare you to…let me drop something of yours into a glass of milk and you have to dig around to find it. Kinda like in that Angel Trap we designed."

"Easy peasy!" I said.

"Using your non-dominant hand." He smiled evilly at me.

"Oh." I mumbled. "Whatever."

Hoffman poured the milk into the glass and dropped one of my rings into the glass. Just as I was about to reach in, John interrupted me.

"Uh, Izzy, you might want to roll your sleeves up. I don't want you getting your sweatshirt all wet." He said, gesturing towards my left sleeve.

I began to roll my sleeve up when I remembered the cuts. "Shit." I muttered under my breath.

"What?" Amanda asked.

"Oh, nothing." I said. "Can I skip my turn and use a freebie or something?"

"You used that on your last turn." Hoffman smirked. "You have to do this."

"But I don't wanna!" I whined.

"You're just rolling your sleeves up, it can't be that bad." John laughed.

"Here, I'll help you." Amanda leaned over the table and began to roll up my sleeve.

"No, mom, no!" I screeched, but it was too late.

"I-I-Izzy…" She stuttered. "Are these marks what I think they are?"

"I swear…uh…Elvis scratched me!" I replied rather loudly, looking over at our black Labrador retriever.

"I was a self-abuser for many years. I know a mutilation scar when I see one." Tears filled my mother's eyes and the other members of the family turned and looked at me with concern.

"Tell me Izzy, where did those marks come from?" Lawrence asked.

I began to cry as well. "Okay, I confess. I did cut myself. I…I just don't know what got into me."

"Izzy…how could you do this?" Zepp asked, his voice and entire body shaking.

"I don't know." I said softly.

I took one quick look at the faces of my family and bolted up the stairs to my room, despite the voices calling after me. As soon as I got upstairs, I locked the door and brought the scissors to my wrist and made another deep cut. However this one hurt much more than the others. It felt like ten raging fires were burning inside my wrist while I was being stabbed by sixty knives. Tears streamed back down my face as I ignored the knocks and calls at the door while making more cuts, not just on my left arm, but my right arm too. After pressing a wet cloth to the cuts in an attempt to stop the bleeding, I curled up on the floor of my bathroom and fell asleep, my face full of drying tears and blood dripping down my arms.

About one week and multiple scars later, I awoke in the middle of the night to a strange noise coming from my closet. Usually when I heard a noise like this, it didn't wake me up, but this time it did. At first, I assumed it was Zepp or Hoffman playing a joke on me, but the noise heard and felt different. My heart raced and I got really nervous as a person in a pig mask emerged from the streamers at the doorframe at my closet. The cloaked figure moved closer and closer as I tried to convince myself it was just a nightmare. Finally, the person sat down at the foot of my bed and pulled out a cloth.

"I don't really think I'll need this." A feminine voice said, removing the pig mask and revealing it to be my own mother.

"Mom?" I asked.

"Izzy…I apologize for this, but…this was a choice made by almost the entire family." She sighed.

"The entire family?" I asked, stressing the word 'entire'.

"Zepp was outvoted 8 to 1." Amanda smirked, but her smile quickly faded as she brought the cloth closer to my face.

"Wait, no!" I screeched.

"You can't let emotions take control of you Izzy. This should teach you a valuable lesson." Amanda said softly. That was the last thing I heard before she pressed the cloth to my face and everything went dark.

* * *

Amanda sighed as she brought the unconscious body of Izzy downstairs. Zepp took the body from Amanda, set her down on a couch, and began to cry.

"Zepp…I know you don't like this, but we don't have a choice." Amanda said, wrapping her arms around Zepp.

Zepp sighed and gently kissed the hand of his love and picked her back up and carried her outside.

"Are we ready to begin?" Amanda asked John.

"We're ready." John nodded solemnly, following Zepp out to the truck. The game had only just begun.

* * *

**[1] Ed, Edd, and Eddy!!! "I dare you to skip your turn!" "Buzz, buzz, buzz off Johnny!"  
A/N: **Oh snap! Please let me know if I messed anything up in the cutting scenes...it would be really important. :P

**BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: THE MY LIFE AWARDS ARE COMING...DETAILS NEXT CHAPTER...**


	14. Hello Izzy

My Life: Hello Izzy

I would love to have an original phrase to describe what I felt when I woke up, but the only phase fitting would have to be stolen from my mom.

'_I woke up. All I could taste was blood…and metal.'_

I felt around my face. I knew this trap. It was the Reverse Bear Trap. I looked down at my arms. They were still littered with scars, but there was a huge lump on my left arm. Sitting right next to me was a tape recorder. My hands shaking, I picked it up and pressed play.

"_Hello Izzy. You have nothing to worry about in life. You have friends, a good family, and a generally happy life. Yet, you brought yourself to the point where you resorted to self-mutilation. Not only does self-abuse leave scars on you, but everyone around you. Now, you're going to show me whether you are truly deserving of life. As your father, I know you are, but you need to prove it. The trap attached to your face should be familiar. You know how to get out of it, so I don't feel the need to explain it. But you may be confused by the lump in your arm. To represent you cutting yourself, the key to the next room is inside your arm. You need to cut into your arm to retrieve the key. In the next room, you will find a furnace. The furnace represents all of the people you hurt or 'burned' due to your abusive actions. You must crawl into the furnace to get the key to the next room, which contains the key to your freedom. There will only be one thing in that room, and once you see that thing, you'll know that it holds your key, and how you'll need to obtain it. I'll give you a hint. Think of your mother. Live or die Izzy. Although all of us would prefer the former, you need to make your own choices and decide if this life has meant anything to you during your thirteen years of experience." _My father's voice sent chills down my spine, and I knew that I could possibly die in this very room. As soon as the taped ended, I heard the timer begin. Knowing this model of the Reverse Bear Trap, I knew that it gave the victim more time to get out of it. Time that I would need if I wanted to survive. I picked up the knife that had been in front of me the entire time and sighed. I've cut myself multiple times, and I could do it again. I quickly dragged the knife across my arm and the key slid out. It hurt like hell, but so did all the other cuts. I fumbled with the key before I made it to the door and opened it.

I assumed that the furnace would be the most painful part of this trap. I felt just like Obi in the Nerve Gas House. I stared into the furnace to see where the key was and of course, it was at the very end of it. I slowly reached my hand in to see if I could reach it without crawling in. I couldn't. I tried to lean in to get it, but I still couldn't. Finally, I made the mental decision to actually go in to get it. Right as my entire body was inside, I assumed the fire would just appear, but it didn't, meaning that the key was likely what triggers the flames. I crawled to the end of the furnace and found that the key was on a string. As soon as I pulled on the key and got it out, the door closed shut and the flames shot out.

"Shit…" I muttered. I had no idea how the hell to get out of this, which is a surprise. Being the person who designed this trap's daughter, one would think I'd know this trap better than any other victim could. I even remember helping with the mechanism that cause the door to close when the string was pulled and the key was freed. Then, it hit me.

'_Once you are in Hell, only the devil can help you out.'_

I looked around for the knob as the flames grew closer and licked at my legs. I found it at the very end, near where the door was. Taking a chance and reaching into the fire, I groped the walls until I could feel the knob in my grasp, and turned it. Instantly, the flames died down and the door opened. I breathed a sigh of relief and looked down at my arms. Not only were the cuts still there, but so was some burnt flesh from reaching into the fire. With the key still in my other hand, I crawled out of the furnace, opened the door and advanced onto the final stage of my trap.

As soon as I entered the room, I looked around for what would hold my key, and I found it. It was a person, lying on the floor.

'_It's in the stomach of your dead cellmate.'_

Amanda's first test came to my mind, and I knew that whoever the poor soul is that's lying on the floor, he sure isn't dead. I kicked the body over and scanned the face and tried to see if I recognized him. Unfortunately, I did.

_"Hey guys, check this out. It fell from some trap door when Margie pulled the third needle out of the ceiling." Casey pointed out._Casey Frank. From the game my father had me help out in.

"No…nonono." I whispered. I didn't want to kill him. He was a nice guy.

Casey's eyelids fluttered open a few seconds later. "Izzy?"

"Casey…" I said.

"What the hell is that on your face?" He asked, pointing at the Reverse Bear Trap.

"It's nothing. Now listen…I'm sorry for this but…I'm going to have to kill you." I said solemnly.

"What the…?" Casey shouted, backing up.

I picked up the knife that had been lying next to him. "My father told me to."

"Wh-wh-who's your father?" His voice quivered. Casey continued to back up until he reached the wall, and from the look on his face, he knew he was cornered.

"Jigsaw." I said. I thrust the knife into his stomach. I could hear the ticking of the trap getting louder, meaning I had twenty seconds to get the key. I continued to stab Casey until I could clearly see the key. I reached into his body and nearly dropped the key.

"Come on…come on…" I muttered, trying to find the lock. The clock slowly ticked down, and as it reached the last few seconds, I let out a bloodcurdling scream.

* * *

Back at home, the entire family was watching Izzy's trap on the large TV in the den and as soon as she screamed, there wasn't one dry eye in the room. Even Jill. Even Diana. They were all crying. Zepp was huddled in the corner of the den bawling, as he had been when the game first started.

"It's okay Zepp." Amanda said, patting him on the back. "The game is all over now…"

About a day or so later, Zepp went upstairs to Izzy's room. He found her body lying in bed.

"I wish you had never done this to me…" He said, even though she couldn't hear him. "You don't know how much this hurts." He sat down next to her and looked at her arms, covered with scars and burns. Then, Zepp looked at her eyes. "I love you Izzy." Then, feeling a bit of bravery, leaned in and kissed her on the lips, and then walked away. He was smiling for two reasons. One, he had just kissed his true love. Two, he had gotten to kiss her with _her jaw intact. _**[1]**

"Congratulations Izzy." Billy had said. "You are still alive. You have made the rest of your family and me proud."

I went over all of this in my head as I slept. I survived. And now, here I am. Wide awake but trying not to open my eyes as Zepp spoke to me. When he leaned in and kissed me, it took all of my strength to stop me from kissing him back. I figured I would wait a while to let him know that I was still awake when he kissed me. Maybe I'll wait a week. Or maybe I'll never tell him. Maybe.

* * *

**[1] You gotta admit that was a bit stupid. If he kissed Izzy...her jaw would be intact T.T**

**A/N:** I decided I'd kept you guys in suspense long enough...hehe. So anyways, looks like Izzy has finally proved herself worthy. And she got to kiss Zepp...yeah, I had to do that! I love you guys! Well thanks so much for reading this and I hope you like it because I don't T.T...well yeah. I still need to tie up the loose end I left for you guys at the AIM chapter, so I better get to that. See you laytah! Love and hugs, Izzy!


	15. Not An April Fool's Day Joke

My Life: Not An April Fool's Day Joke

When Hoffman woke up, all he could taste was…cardboard?

Well, that's what he told me.

"Gotta love an RBT replica to scare the hell outta me in the morning." Hoffman mumbled sarcastically.

"Happy April Fool's Day to you too." I stuck my tongue out at him.

Today was April Fool's Day. Hoffman's favorite holiday. By the end of the day I knew I would regret inviting him over, but putting a RBT replica on him in the morning and making him nearly wet his pants was worth it.

My parents left a minor bomb in my room which woke me up opposed to my alarm. The bomb gets bigger every year and it's pretty funny. The entire day was pretty much spent pranking my family, but a little time would be set aside at the end of the day to spend time with my best friends. Kayla, Michelle, Trina, Cory, Lindsey, Alec, Tyler, Jack, and Ben.

"Bye bye, Miss American Pie, drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry. And good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye, singing this'll be the day that I die, this'll be the day that I die!" Lindsey, Cory, Michelle, and I sang, complete with dance moves.

"You guys sing that song so much." Ben said, laughing.

"Yeah, but you know what song YOU sing too much?" I asked.

"What?" He asked, even though he knew what was coming.

"Stop talk-talk-talking 'bout blah blah blah!" We both burst out into song.

"Well this is certainly better than them singing the Santa song." Jack mumbled.

"Oh my god, that song!" Ben shouted.

"Bow down, bow down, before the power of Santa, or be crushed, be crushed, byyyyy his jolly boots of doom!" Ben, Michelle, Lindsey, and I sang, but Michelle didn't sing the last lyric.

"I know what happened that one time was…harsh, but we know you're saying boots now!" Lindsey comforted Michelle.

"Just shut up!" Michelle shouted.

"So how's life you guys?" Alec asked the group. He was responded by random shouting.

"Mmm…Stein." Cory mumbled. **[1]**

"We know you said boots!" Lindsey insisted.

"Just shut up Lindsey, shut up, shut up, shut up!" Michelle shouted.

"Kayla's texting Batman!" I shouted.

"Argh! I hate you Izzy!" Kayla said, hiding her phone. Batman was our nickname for the guy that she likes, but obsessed would be a better term.

"Blah, blah, blah!" Ben sang the Ke$ha song.

Trina was mumbling something incoherently about Naruto.

Kayla's phone went off. _'They call me Mr. A-Z they say I'm all about the wordplay…'_

"BATMAN!" Lindsey and I screeched.

"Too many voices!" Ben shouted.

"You guys are freaking crazy." Alec mumbled.

"It's true." Trina said. "I'm surrounded by psychos."

"BWAHAHAHA!" I cackled, scaring Trina.

"I wanna draw something with chalk!" Michelle shouted. She picked up a piece of chalk she found on the blacktop of the playground we were standing on. She drew a giant X.

"X marks the spot!" I shouted, jumping up and down.

"Uh, what?" Kayla asked, barely looking up from her phone.

"Er, never mind. It's sort of an inside joke." I muttered, remembering that they don't know about my past and my family's past.

"You have like waaay too many inside jokes." Cory said.

"It's true. Like…hm…butter is good!" I shouted, remembering an inside joke from lunch a while ago.

"I remember that!" Lindsey laughed. "Good times, good times."

"Squirrel!" Alec shouted, pointing somewhere.

"Squirrel!" Lindsey, Cory, and I echoed, looking for the squirrel like the dogs in Up.

"April Fools!" He shouted. I smacked him across the face. "Ow…"

"Look Alec, gullible in the sky!" Lindsey shouted in retaliation.

"Where?" He looked up. It took him a few minutes to realize what happened. "Argh! I hate you guys."

"We love you too!" I joked.

Then my phone went off. _'Ringity ding ding dong! Dingity dong ring ding dong!' _**[2]**

"Uncle Mark?" I asked, picking up the phone.

"We have a slight situation back home…" He said. I could hear our house's fire alarm going off in the background.

"Did you do what I think you did?" I shouted at him.

"Yup. Nearly burned down the house again." He said as if he was proud of himself.

"Damnit Mark!" I yelled. All my friends turned to look at me. "Uh…slight situation at home. Nothing to worry about."

"Oh, are you with your friends right now?" Hoffman asked.

"Yes…that explains the insanity noises in the background…" I sighed. Behind me, Lindsey and Ben were playing this 'game' where they stole I.Q. points from each other by hitting each other on the head. It made no sense to me, but it seemed to make sense to them.

"Sorry Iz." Hoffman apologized.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. Can you come and get me?"

"Hey look!" Kayla shouted behind me. "The bushes are moving!"

"It's like…someone's in them." Trina observed.

"Weird." Ben commented.

"Sure, no problem." Hoffman said over the phone. "I'll be there in five minutes."

"Don't drive, please." I pleaded.

"I can't guarantee it." He laughed.

"Oh god…" I mumbled.

"See you!" Hoffman hung up and I turned around to see what my friends were looking at.

"What's up guys?" I asked.

"The bushes…they're weird." Cory said.

"There's a rustle in the bushes…there's a tremble in the trees…hear it like a whisper, smell it on the summer breeze! Mhm!" I sang the song from Suessical, a musical I had done over the summer.

Behind the moving bush, a man swore under his breath. "Shit…she found me…"

Back with the group of friends, Izzy had broken out into song and dance.

"Something big is getting nearer! Something big is coming through! Got some monkey business, that's what we intend to do!" I sang, doing the dance that went with the song.

"What the hell is she singing?" Jack asked Tyler.

"It's like…the monkey song or something. She told me about it. She was a monkey in some musical about Dr. Suess." Tyler said.

"Come on! I wanna monkey, monkey around!" Just as I got to the 'around', a car came speeding into the playground, nearly hitting Jack.

"Uh…hi Izzy." Hoffman said, stepping out of the car.

"Who the heck is that?" Tyler shouted, rubbing his knee that he scraped from jumping out of the way.

"My crazy uncle…" I laughed, getting in the car. As Hoffman sped away, I saw the bushes move one more time and all my friends laughed and pointed at it. But from the car, I thought that maybe, just maybe I had seen a pair of eyes.

"Hoff, did you see that?" I asked, tugging on my uncle's sleeve.

"See what?" He took his eyes from the road to look at me. Not a very smart idea.

"I think I saw a person in the bushes. As we drove away." I said.

"Oh come on Izzy. Next you'll be telling me there's a man in your closet." Hoffman laughed, looking back at the road and just barely evading a tree.

"But there really was a man in Diana's closet!" I complained.

"Chill Iz. Everything is gonna be okay." He comforted me. I sighed and slunk back down in my seat. Little did I know that I was right. My friends were being watched, Hoffman was being watched, and I was being watched.

We were all being watched.

**[1] I promised I would do this Slinky!  
[2] That ringtone from the Geico commercial :D**

**Helpful Hints: For those of my friends that are wondering who they are in this story...  
Kayla=Lizzie  
Michelle=Ashley  
Trina=Emily  
Lindsey=Zoe  
Alec=If you can't figure it out, too bad.  
Cory=Xinhui  
Jack=Trevor  
Tyler=Ryan  
Ben=Bryce**

**A/N: Filler chapter! Epic fail! :D**

**Ringtones So Far: (Hey supervampy, hope you don't mind that I borrowed this idea)  
**Kayla: Wordplay-Jason Mraz  
Izzy: That Geico Ringtone


	16. Friends and Foes

My Life: Friends and Foes

_Two Days Earlier_

I hummed along to the song from the musical Little Shop of Horrors playing on my iPod as I walked down the street.

'_A matchbox of our own, a fence of real chain link, a grill out on the patio, disposal in the sink…'_

"Hey, watch where you're going!" A teenager shouted before crashing into me headfirst.

"You watch where you're going…" I mumbled after I toppled over.

"Excuse me?" He asked.

"Excuse me?" I said back in a mocking voice.

"Well who shoved a stick up your butt?" He said.

I sighed and looked down at the ground. "I'm sorry…I've been a little strange ever since I got out of the hospital. It's probably the pain meds."

"Ouch." The teenager said. "What happened?"

"Long story…I had some…self-mutilation issues. Anyways, I'm Izzy. Short for Elizabeth." I extended my hand out.

"Nice to meet you Izzy. I'm Rocky, short for…uh…nothing really." Rocky shook my hand. Then his phone went off.

'_Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer…'_

"Hello?" He answered the phone. I heard a little bit of talking. "Yeah, whatever Dad." More talking. "Okay, bye."

"What's up?" I asked him.

"Oh nothing, my stupid dad and his girlfriend are wondering where I am. I should probably get home." Rocky shrugged.

"Do you think your parents are crazy?" I asked.

"Yeah…" He muttered.

"Me too! I'm not alone!" I shouted.

"Well I better go." Rocky said. "They'll flip if I'm not home soon."

"Alright…um, before you go, can I have your number?" I asked shyly.

"Sure." He gave it to me. "I guess I'll see you around?"

"Yup." I nodded as he left.

* * *

_Back to the present…_

"Hoffman…watch out for that tree…" I muttered.

"I know, I know!" Hoffman shouted as we pulled…er, swerved into the driveway.

"Well, we didn't die, so I guess that's an accomplishment…" I chuckled to myself.

"I guess so." Hoffman said, stepping out of the car and heading inside. As soon as I stepped inside, I felt like I had walked right into some disaster movie.

"Oh my god…Hoffman, what the hell happened here?!" I shouted.

"I almost burned down the house. Again." Hoffman smiled as if it was a good thing.

"You are freaking crazy…" I muttered, checking out the damage.

John walked down the stairs. "Hey Izzy, are you expecting any friends over or anything?"

I looked up, confused. "No, why do you ask?"

"Because there's a car pulling up our driveway." John pointed at the black van pulling up to our house.

"What the…AMANDA! ZEPP!" I shouted for the other two family members that were around.

Zepp came downstairs, and Amanda came from the office.

"What's wrong?" Amanda asked. I pointed at the people emerging from the van. Three unidentified people stepped out of the van, walked up to the front door, and rang the doorbell.

"You get it." Hoffman poked Amanda in the side.

"No, you get it." Amanda poked John in the head.

"How about Zepp gets it!" John said, shoving a scared Zepp forward.

"Guys, just shut up." I complained. "I'll get it."

I took a deep breath in, walked towards the door, and opened it.

"Izzy Young-Kramer. So nice to see you again." The man at the door said with an evil grin on his face.

"Peter Strahm. I was wondering when we'd run into you again." John stepped forward.

Hoffman attempted to flee the scene, but it was of no avail. "I saw you Mark, there's no use running."

"How the hell did you find me?" Hoffman asked.

"We followed you here." Strahm smiled. "Thanks to Izzy here."

"I told you there was a man in the bushes!" I shouted, pointing at Hoffman.

"Wait, we?" Amanda asked.

"I'm sure you all know my partner and girlfriend Lindsey Perez." A woman stepped out from behind Strahm.

"Hello all." She waved.

"And this is my son." Strahm gestured to the boy standing behind him as well. There was something about him that looked familiar…I just couldn't put my finger on-

"Izzy?!"

"Rocky?!" I shouted. It was the boy I had met two days ago!

"Wait, you're the daughter of the Jigsaw killers?" Rocky asked.

"You're the son of an FBI agent?" I asked.

"Wow…I can see why you said you think your parents are crazy…" Rocky laughed.

"Hey!" John and Amanda shouted at the same time.

"And I can see why you hate your dad and his girlfriend…" I smirked at Strahm and Perez.

"What?!" They both shouted.

"I'm really confused…" Zepp said. "So you two are friends?"

"Yeah. We met on the street a couple of days ago." I explained.

"We've become pretty good friends, I guess." Rocky shrugged.

"And here's where things start to get complicated…" John sighed.

"I need a thinking muffin." Hoffman grumbled, then stomped furiously off to the kitchen and returned with a chocolate chip muffin.

"Chocolate chip. Nice choice!" Perez high fived Hoffman.

"Shut up Lindsey." Strahm muttered.

"So…what do we do now?" Amanda asked.

I gestured to Rocky and I. "Can't we all try to be friends for our sake?"

John shrugged. "I don't know…you two just…go up to Izzy's room and rape each other or something. We'll discuss things down here."

"Why is rape the solution to EVERYTHING around my house?" I shouted, heading upstairs. Zepp looked moderately alarmed, but he would be fine.

The few minutes that it took felt like hours, days, even years. Rocky and I just sat on the floor of my room in awkward silence for those 5 minutes.

"Izzy, Rocky, you guys can come down now." Amanda called.

"Finally…" I sighed, heading downstairs.

"So what's the plan?" Rocky asked as soon as we got downstairs.

"Well…" Perez began. "You guys seem to be close friends and even though we hate each other, we'll try to settle our differences and keep your secret."

I smiled and looked at Rocky who was smiling too. "That's great!" I hugged John, Amanda, and Hoffman. "Thanks guys."

"Don't I get a hug?" Zepp whined.

"No." I snapped at him. I wanted to say that he had already gotten enough action with me, but I didn't have the heart.

"Thanks Dad. You too Perez…er, mom." Rocky smiled at his dad and dad's girlfriend.

"You're welcome Rocky. It was a tough decision, but I think we can do it." Perez smiled and hugged Rocky. As soon as they were done hugging, I ran over and tackle-hugged Rocky.

"Hey guys!" No one had realized that after I had hugged Hoffman, he had ran out of the room and came back in with a boombox. "Listen to this!"

'_And girl you're my one love, my one heart, my one life for sure…'_ A Justin Bieber song started to play.

"Turn it off!!!" We all shouted, throwing things at Hoffman, who fled the room.

* * *

**A/N: **Yaaay I did it! I established the relationship with the Strahm's and the Young/Kramer's! Get used to this trio because they'll be back soon. NOW. Special thanks to supervampy, my fanfiction BFFFFF, who inspired me to finish this freakin' chapter, and has total control of the character Rocky. Go read his stuff because it's AWESOME!!! :D Anyways, I promise the next chapter is going to be less plot, more humor. See you laytah!


	17. Jigsaw's Boy Advice

My Life: Jigsaw's Boy Advice

"Okay Lindsey, truth or dare?" Kayla said.

"Hm…truth!" Lindsey shouted, rolling over on her sleeping bag. I was sleeping over at Michelle's house with all of my friends and we were engaged in a heated game of truth or dare.

"Who was your first kiss?" Kayla asked.

Lindsey shrugged. "Meh, I haven't had it yet."

"You're not missing out on much Linds," I reached in the popcorn bowl and popped a few kernels in my mouth. "First kisses aren't always that fabulous."

"Who have you kissed?" Cory asked. Everyone leaned in to hear.

I bit my lower lip and thought back.

__________

'_And now, here I am. Wide awake but trying not to open my eyes as Zepp spoke to me. When he leaned in and kissed me, it took all of my strength to stop me from kissing him back. I figured I would wait a while to let him know that I was still awake when he kissed me. Maybe I'll wait a week. Or maybe I'll never tell him. Maybe.' _

I still haven't told Zepp I knew about what happened. It would make for good blackmail material someday.

"No one you guys know." I rolled my eyes and reached for more popcorn.

"Alrighty…well Izzy, truth or dare?" Lindsey asked.

I sighed. "Truth, I guess. As long as we stay of the topic of kissing."

"Darnit!" Lindsey shouted. "Okay then…well, what was your Valentine's Day like?"

"You should know, Sherlock. You were there!" I laughed.

"Tell us anyways!" Michelle cheered.

"Fine…okay…

____________

* * *

"_I've always seen Valentine's Day as just another bleak, boring day in February. Usually it's spent at home watching movies with Hoffman and trying to ignore the questionable noises coming from my parent's room. But this year was different in many ways. For one thing, I was actually planning to ask someone out this year. For another thing, Zepp was acting really different. Tomorrow was Valentine's Day and he didn't talk to me a whole lot. He was being a little shady and very shy. But that didn't matter. I needed to get some boy advice from my father on how this would all work out. As soon as I got home, I approached John._

"_Hey Dad, can I talk to you?" I asked._

_John's eyes widened. "What did you find out about?"_

_I paused for a minute to think about what he just said. "…What?"_

"_Er, never mind. So what's up?" He asked._

"_I…kinda want to ask a boy out this Valentine's Day." I mumbled, looking down at my feet._

"_Izzy? You're…asking out…a boy?" John gasped. I nodded sheepishly. "Well sit down dear; I'll give you some advice." He led me over to the couch and sat me down._

"_So my main question is how do I get him to like me?" I inquired._

"_Well," He began. "It really depends what this guy is like. How much do you know about him? What does he like to do?"_

"_I know quite a bit. He's really nice, cute, and he likes sports..." I rambled._

"_Ah, a sporty guy!" John nodded. "Well, the best thing you can do is ask questions about him like about sports and stuff and act like a friend before you act like a girlfriend."_

"_But Valentine's Day is tomorrow!" I complained._

"_True…" John muttered. "Well, don't beat around the bush then. Just go for it! But always remember what to do if he tries anything funny…"_

"_Knee him to the groin, I know, I know…" I recited._

"_Good girl! Now go get 'em!" He cheered._

_The next day was the most nerve-wracking day of my life. My hands were clammy and sweaty, I couldn't stop shaking, and it was like the flu but worse. Far worse._

_I entered the school on Friday to find Alec with a daisy in his hand. "Happy Early Valentine's Day Izzy!" He said cheerily, handing me the daisy._

"_Aww! Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie!" I said, blushing._

"_So…planning on asking anyone out today?" He said awkwardly._

"_Actually yes…" I whispered, turning towards Cody. "And I'm going to do that right now!"_

"_Oh." Alec's face fell. "Good luck."_

"_Thanks!" I replied but I could tell Alec could hardly hear it because I was rushing to Cody._

"_What's up Izzy?" He greeted me._

"_Can I talk to you?" I asked, my eyes hardly meeting his._

"_Sure, what do you want to talk about?" Cody asked._

"_Well…I was just um, wondering if uh, maybe you…wanted to uh, go out with…me." I stuttered. It felt like an eternity before he answered._

"_Uh, sure, I guess." He said calmly._

_I gasped. "Really?"_

"_Yeah, sure. Why don't we go to the movies or something on Sunday?" Cody shrugged._

"_Uh, wow…sure!" I giggled._

"_See you around." He walked off. I stood there for about 10 minutes, absolutely speechless before running off to tell my friends._

"_OH MY GOD GUESS WHAT?" I screeched._

"_What?" Michelle asked with genuine interest._

"_Cody…said…yes!" I shouted, jumping up and down._

"_HE WHAT NOW?" Trina screeched._

"_I asked him out and he said yes!" I repeated, tackle-hugging Trina._

"_Congrats…" Alec sighed, wrapping his arms around me gingerly when I finished hugging Trina._

"_Please don't touch me." I hissed._

"_Um, sorry." He muttered._

"_So what are you guys gonna do?" Lindsey asked._

"_Go to...the movies!" I blushed and swooned._

"_Okay, I'll be honest." Kayla said. "You're acting way too dramatic."_

"_Says the girl who claimed you and 'Batman' were" I began, Michelle and Trina joined in. "Destined to be together," We said in a girly voice. I finished the sentence. "When he said hi to you once. Once!"_

"_Shut up!" Kayla blushed, looking away._

_The lunch monitors opened the doors and we all headed off to homeroom._

_The entire day was a struggle for me; I could hardly keep my mind off of Cody! Every couple of seconds I saw his face leaning in to kiss me, soft but dramatic music playing just like in a chick-flick. Or sometimes I saw him down on one knee proposing to me in some gorgeous restaurant with all of my friends there smiling and saying 'They were destined to be together.'_

_"Izzy…" Cody said in my daydream. "Izzy, Izzy? Earth to Izzy!"_

"_What?" I snapped out of my daydream and looked up at Ms. Morton._

"_Get your head in the game! What did you get for question four on last night's homework?" She shouted._

"_Oh, um, I got Adolf Hitler." I scrambled to come up with the answer, flipping through pages of my binder._

"_Correct. But next time, pay more attention. Moving on. Drew, can you give us the answer to number five…" From then on, everything she said was a blur."

* * *

_

I reached into the bowl for more popcorn, but there was none left after Trina and Cory's popcorn fight about halfway through the story. "C'mon you guys, what's with wasting all the popcorn?"

"Well we got excited!" Cory said, crossing her arms.

"So? How did the date go?" Kayla asked.

"I'm not saying anymore until SOMEONE gets more popcorn!" I gave Trina and Cory a death glare.

"Nah, how about you get it?" Trina smiled smugly.

"Fine. I'll finish the story after I get popcorn." I picked up the popcorn bowl, stood up, and headed upstairs towards the kitchen.

________________________

___

* * *

_

________________________

**A/N: **

I'm sorry for taking so long to update. I've had absolutely NO TIME whatsoever! I would love to promise that the chapter after the next one will be better (The next chapter is the explanation of what happened on the date.) but it might not be because sometime in the near future, my friend Ryan, who the character Tyler is based off of, will be writing a chapter. So far, I believe it has to do with Carrie Underwood and North Korea...here we go...


	18. Izzy's First Date

My Life: Izzy's First Date

I came back with the popcorn to find total chaos. Everyone was screaming, running around, and throwing things at each other. I laughed a little bit before I screamed "Quiet!!!"

My friends squealed and scrambled to their sleeping bags as I set the popcorn in the middle of our sleeping bag circle.

"So do you guys wanna hear about the date or what?" I asked. They all nodded.

"Okay, so the morning of the date…"

_I got up fairly early. 7 am to be exact. Even though our date was only 12 hours away, it just barely gave me enough time to make myself look pretty enough to be with Cody._

_At about 9 am, I had just finished taking a shower when the doorbell rang. Immediately, my thoughts went to Cody. Was he here early? Better yet, was he here early because he just couldn't stay away from me? I wasn't ready yet! I didn't have any makeup on! I threw a bathrobe on and tied my hair up in a damp ponytail and raced downstairs. I cautiously opened the door and found that there was no one there. I sighed and looked down at my feet but noticed something. It was a beautiful bouquet of roses!_

_I gasped and picked it up. "Who could possibly…?" I glanced at the tag._

'_To the most beautiful girl in all the land, I cannot give you my heart without dying, so allow these roses to cover for it. Love, Your Secret Admirer.'_

_Zepp raced behind me, sounding a bit out of breath. "Hey Izzy! Whatcha got there?"_

"_It's a bouquet of roses from a secret admirer…and I think I know who it is!" I smiled knowingly at Zepp._

_He raised his eyebrows and smiled smugly. "Hm, you do? Who is it?"_

"_It's Cody of course!" I cheered._

_Zepp's face fell. "Cody…who the hell is Cody?!"_

_My smile got even wider. "My boyfriend!"_

"_Your…what?" Zepp asked, beginning to tear up._

"_I asked him out on Valentine's Day and we're going to see a movie today." I explained._

_Zepp sighed and closed his eyes. "That's nice Izzy. Have fun." He walked downstairs into the basement._

"_Zepp, why are you going into the basement?" I shouted after him._

"_I need to think!" He shouted back._

_I shrugged and headed back upstairs. The next couple of hours were spent trying to make myself look nice. I put makeup on, a cute outfit, and straightened my hair. I was totally ready to go. I walked downstairs at 6:30 ready to get to the movie theater._

"_Woah…is that Izzy?" Hoffman dropped his muffin in shock._

_Amanda began to cry tears of joy. "I think it is…oh Izzy's first date! I have to get a picture of this!"_

_I rubbed my temples. "Do we have to?"_

"_Yes!" Amanda squealed, getting out her camera. She took about 20 pictures before John stopped her._

"_Mandy darling," John said, putting a hand on her shoulder, "I think she's had enough."_

_Amanda sighed and put the camera back in its bag. "Fine, fine."_

"_Hey, where's Zepp?" Hoffman asked._

_I looked around and realized that he wasn't there. Then, I heard some sobbing from beneath me. "Er, the basement."_

"_Why is he there" John asked, trying to contain a laugh._

_I shook my head. "No idea. No idea at all. It has something to do with Cody sending me roses."_

"_Oh yeah, I saw those," Hoffman said with a mouthful of muffins, "Pretty sweet guy if you ask me. But if I were a girl, I would be more impressed if a guy sends me muffins."_

"_Alright, well I guess I know who Hoffman will let me marry." I said._

"_The guy that brings you a muffin instead of a corsage." John muttered, messing up Hoffman's hair._

"_It's true!" Hoffman cheered. "Let me know when that kinda guy asks you out."_

_I said my goodbyes and hopped in the car with Hoffman because John and Amanda had some games to work on that they were putting into place tomorrow. The drive there was pretty awkward, Hoffman being the protective uncle that thinks I should stay single forever. I know he's afraid of what would happen if I were to ever have a serious boyfriend and he broke my heart._

_When I finally got to the mall, Hoffman gave me a kiss goodbye and sent me on my way. I met Cody in front of the theater._

"_Uh, hey Izzy." He said, waving._

"_Hi. So are we seeing that movie Valentine's Day?" I asked._

"_Well, I guess so." He shrugged._

"_There's not much else to see." I commented._

"_Yeah. Saw VII doesn't come out until October…" He mumbled under his breath._

"_What?"_

"_Never mind, it's nothing."_

"_We should probably get going then."  
_

_We headed in, found some seats, and the movie began shortly. Unfortunately, we had some company._

"_Izzy! What are you doing here?" I heard a familiar voice say sarcastically behind me. I turned around. Black spiky hair, adorable eyes…I did not say adorable…anyways, but I recognized those features anywhere._

_I threw popcorn behind me. "Zepp, get out."_

"_What? I just came to see the movie!" He gestured to the screen._

"_Why would you ever want to see a chick flick?" I asked._

"_Guys cry too, y'know." Zepp nodded._

_I facepalmed myself. "Zepp, you know what'll happen if you stay…" I made hand motions that represented putting a pig mask on, knocking him out, then chaining his foot to the bathroom. He bit his lower lip, took the hint, and ran out._

_I really wish I could say that the rest of the movie was as charming as my daydreams, but that wasn't true at all. About halfway through, Cody saw some of his friends here on dates and ditched me to go hang out with them. I even saw him sitting next to the prettiest and most annoying girl at my school, Karol Torres._

_After the movie, he approached me. "Hey Iz, sorry for ditching you."_

"_Only my family calls me Iz." I laughed, but tried to make my voice sound as bitter as possible._

"_Like what's-his-face that came in?" Cody asked._

_I sighed and rolled my eyes. "That's my cousin Zepp."_

"_Oh." He said. "Well anyways, I was sorta thinking we should be just friends."_

"_You're right." I muttered. "I guess we're not made for each other…plus I can tell there's something going on with you and Karol."_

_He blushed. "Nah, it's nothing. Well, see you later."_

"_By the way, the flowers were a nice gesture." I said before he left._

"_Flowers?" He looked at me, very confused. He's so cute when he's confused…_

"_Well someone sent me flowers this morning and I thought it was you." I explained._

"_Hm. Well, maybe you'll figure out who it was and you can date them." He suggested._

"_Yeah. Well, I'm not gonna keep you from Karol, you go have fun." I said. He waved at me and joined his friends, including Karol, who was staring daggers at me. I laughed and left._

"Bravo! Bravo! And Izzy wins a Tony Award or something!" Michelle shouted, sarcastically clapping.

"Shut up." I whined, sitting down.

"So did you ever figure out who the flowers came from?" Lindsey asked.

"Nah. But John and I found a nice vase to put them in." I shrugged.

"Weird." Lindsey sighed. "Let's watch a movie! I call watching The Princess Bride!"

"It's creepy how much Westley reminds me of my uncle…" I laughed and followed everyone upstairs.

* * *

**Unknown POV**

Everything had to be perfect. I snuck out of the house a few days before to buy the flowers. Stealing a car isn't that hard, especially when you can convince the person you stole it from that you bought their favorite food. I had to buy some just to be safe, but I can't really complain. I do enjoy muffins quite a bit. The actual day was the hardest part though. I snuck out of the house and placed the flowers on her front door and dashed off, hoping she hadn't seen. I reached my home out of breath, even though the distance was short. I dashed into the main hallway to find one of my 'family members' standing there, not even recognizing that I was there.

"Hey Izzy! Whatcha got there?" I asked.

"It's a bouquet of roses from a secret admirer…and I think I know who it is!" Izzy replied. She smiled at me. That was a good sign. Maybe I wanted to keep it a secret, but maybe she'll be happy that it was from me.

"Hm, you do? Who is it?" I smiled back at her, waiting for her to say it.

"It's Cody of course!" She shouted. Wait, what?!

"Cody…who the hell is Cody?!" I shouted. I knew she could see my face fall.

Her smile suddenly got wider. "My boyfriend!" At that point, it was all over. Everything that was said or heard afterwards was a total blur to me. All I remember was crying and heading down to the basement. I'll probably never tell Izzy those flowers were from me.

For a perfect girl like Izzy, everything had to be perfect.

* * *

**A/N: **Hey guys! Alright so the next chapter should hopefully be Ryan's, unless he doesn't finish it by tomorrow. There may not be a new chapter of mine for a while otherwise because I'm going to Boston for three days, and then I have other stories to work on. I quit track though so I should have a lot more time on my hands. Buh-bye.


	19. Road Trip

My Life: Road Trip

"John, put my red suitcase in the trunk. The purple one is going with me in the car." Izzy said, giving her purple suitcase to her father, John Kramer.

"Sure." John nodded. "Can you do me a favor and put the snacks in the backseat?"

"No prob." Izzy shrugged, picking up the cooler. Then, an exhausted Mark Hoffman wearing rocket ship footie pajamas walked down the stairs.

"What's going on?" Hoffman muttered sleepily.

"We're going to Boston dipstick. Remember?" Amanda asked.

Hoffman woke up instantly. "That's today?"

"You've got five minutes to pack your stuff and get in the car before we leave." Amanda smirked.

"Hey John, how many seats are in the car we rented anyways?" Zepp asked.

"Hm…" John thought for a moment. "There might be only four."

Amanda smiled and turned to face Hoffman again. "Hear that? If there's only four, you're not going!"

"No, wait, there are five." Izzy's voice drifted from the garage.

"Crap…" Amanda muttered under her breath. Hoffman giggled and dashed upstairs. Five minutes later, he came downstairs, fully clothed and packed.

"Wow. That's impressive." Izzy smiled.

"I know, right?" Hoffman threw his blue bag in the trunk.

John walked out of the house and locked the door. "Alright family, one minute until the bus leaves the station."

Amanda was the first one in the car to assure that she didn't have to sit in the back. John sat in the driver's seat, and the remaining three sat in the back. Hoffman sat on the left side, Zepp was in the middle, and Izzy sat on the right.

"How did I get stuck in between these two jokers?" Zepp shouted.

"Because I refuse lose my sanity." Amanda smirked and put her ear buds in. She typically played screamo music to drown out her family.

About 10 miles later, John had been driven to insanity.

"DO WHAT YOU WANT 'CAUSE A PIRATE IS FREE, YOU ARE A PIRATE! YAR HAR FIDDLE DEE DEE, BEING A PIRATE IS ALRIGHT TO ME, DO WHAT YOU WANT 'CAUSE A PIRATE IS FREE, YOU ARE A PIRATE!" Izzy and Hoffman shout-sang at the top of their lungs.

"It's been 10 miles and you've already sang that song 274 times…WILL YOU SING SOMETHING ELSE?" John screamed at the top of his lungs, something he doesn't do often in his old age.

Izzy and Hoffman quieted down and looked at each other in awkward silence for 5 minutes before they started singing again. "I'M A BANANA, I'M A BANANA, I'M A BANANA, LOOK AT ME MOVE!"

John took a deep breath in and yanked an ear bud out of Amanda's ear, nearly driving the car into a truck in the process.

"What?" Amanda snapped. John could hear the ear shattering music from where he was sitting.

"You need to sympathize with your husband for a while and listen to this torture." John snarled.

Amanda looked back at her family.

"CHICKEN, CHICKEN, CHICKEN, I AM CHICKEN, CHICKEN!"

She smiled smugly. "No thanks." She said, putting her ear bud back in.

John groaned and turned his attention back to the road where he just managed to avoid turning into the other lane.

Many song-filled hours later, they stopped at the nearest rest stop. John ran out of the car, screaming. "MAKE THE MUSIC GO AWAY!"

Zepp, who had remained silent throughout the entire ride, sat there in silence. "Is it over yet?" His voice just barely came out. His skin had turned pale white from the singing.

Izzy and Hoffman skipped out of the car, arms linked, towards the Burger King that John was heading to.

Amanda had fallen asleep and her screamo music still blasted from her iPod.

At the Burger King, the cashier was facing some problems.

"Okay…can I have a Big Mac?" John asked, looking at the menu board.

"For the twelfth time, this is Burger King. Not McDonald's!" The cashier with a name tag that read Frank said.

John looked back at Zepp, Hoffman, and Izzy. "Then how about…a Happy Meal for the kids over there?"

Frank looked behind John. "You mean the adult men and the teenage girl?" He asked. "And Happy Meals are at McDonald's, stupid."

"Oh trust me. They're kids." John sighed.

"Right…now do you want to order a Burger King Kid's Meal?" Frank sighed.

"Sure, a Happy Meal. Whatever." John's attention was more focused on what trouble Hoffman was getting into.

Frank clenched his fists. "For the millionth time…this. Is…"

"Sparta!" Izzy ran up and shouted.

"I was gonna say Burger King, but that works too." Frank said.

John rolled his eyes. "Fine. Just give me the damn food."

Over at the little table, just as John arrived, Hoffman, Zepp, and Izzy were discussing something very…er…important.

"Are you seriously gonna do it?" Izzy asked.

Hoffman grinned. "Probably."

"You'll get murdered!" Zepp shouted.

"What's going on over here?" John approached the table holding three kid's meals.

Izzy jumped up. "Yay!" She squealed, grabbing a bag and digging into it. "I hope I get a cool toy!"

"A cool toy that will end up in the garbage can a week from now…" John muttered.

Izzy gave John a death glare. "So?"

"So anyways, are you really gonna do it?" Zepp asked Hoffman.

"Do what, dare I ask?" John gave the trio a fatherly look. Izzy reached into her purse and withdrew a purple Sharpie. "What's that for?" John lowered his eyebrows. Hoffman grinned even more and John came to a sudden realization. "I'll pretend I didn't hear about it." He said after taking a deep breath in.

A half an hour and two French fry fights later, the group found themselves back in the car and on the road again.

"What do you want to sing this time, Hoffman?" Izzy asked.

Zepp sat upright. "No! No more singing!"

John rolled his eyes. "I'll let you guys sing if you sing something good."

Hoffman and Izzy looked at each other for a few minutes. Hoffman's face lit up and he reached into Izzy's purse, grabbed her iPod, found a song, and showed it to John.

John squinted at the music player. "Oh…that…" He chuckled. "Go ahead."

About 2 minutes later, Amanda woke up to find the entire car shout-singing.

"Pressure! Pushin' down on me, pressin' down on you, no man asks for! Under pressure! That burns a building down, splits a family in two, puts people on streets!" Everyone sang.

Amanda giggled softly. "I'm glad you guys found something good to sing." She glanced briefly in the mirror, hardly taking in her reflection, then back at John.

"And I'm glad you're not mad at Hoffman for…I mean…never mind." Izzy began to say, but caught herself.

"For what?" Amanda asked. Then she looked into the mirror. She had purple Sharpie all over her face. A muffin drawn on her right cheek, squiggly lines on her forehead, and many other things.

"I wonder who did that…" Hoffman said, trying not to laugh.

"Hoffman…" Amanda spat. "You're going to be coming home in a body bag in the trunk."

Hoffman just laughed. Who takes death threats seriously anymore?

* * *

**A/N: **I decided to do this one in 3rd person just for the heck of it. This is a two-part chapter, btw. So the next one'll be up in a while. AND THE RYAN CHAPTER WAS CANCELLED. JUST SAYING.


	20. Boston!

My Life: Boston!

The car came to a screeching halt while the entire family except for Amanda was singing Jedward, sending Hoffman, who wasn't wearing a seatbelt, face-first into the back of Amanda's chair.

"Izzy! I got an owwie!" He shrieked.

Izzy hopped out of the car and opened the trunk to get her other bag. "Pretending to care in three, two, one…" She clasped her hands together and made puppy-dog eyes. "Oh poor Hoffy! It's okay, mommy's here for you!"

Zepp smirked and got out of the car too. "Nice one Iz." He playfully shoved her.

"Don't touch me." She said seriously, slapping the back of his hand.

John got out of the car with Amanda, helping her hold a blanket to her face. "Easy does it Mandy. We'll be in the hotel room soon enough and then you can wash your face."

Hoffman was the last one to get out of the car. "My face hurts…" He mumbled.

"Yeah, and it's killing me!" Izzy shouted.

The family walked into the hotel lobby and waited as John checked in their rooms.

"Now listen up guys!" Amanda ordered, her voice muffled by the blanket. "We ordered two rooms. One has two queen beds, and the other has one queen bed. I figured the three apprentices should all be in one room which means…"

Izzy and Zepp snapped out of their 'We-don't-care' trance. "We're sharing a bed?" They shouted together. Izzy's look was a look of sheer horror, and Zepp's was a look of excitement until Izzy looked over at him and he tried to look annoyed.

Amanda smirked and tossed them each a room key. "One of you guys could sleep on the floor if you want…"

"But you never know what kind of things are there from the last visitor." Hoffman teased.

Izzy put her hands on her hips. "Fine…but Zepp is sleeping on the floor!"

"Again?" Zepp whined. "This is just like when I shared a room with Hoffman in Canada!"

"Ah, Canada. Good times, good times…" Hoffman smiled.

The family went up the elevator and set their stuff down in their rooms.

"I was really hoping Mom was kidding about the sharing a bed thing…guess not." Izzy sighed, looking at the single bed.

Zepp threw his things on the bed. "Can I please sleep on the bed Izzy?"

"Fine…" Izzy said, annoyed.

"Whatever happened to you Izzy?" Zepp asked. "I thought you loved me like a really close family member…"

"Lover's quarrel!" Hoffman shouted from the other room.

"I'm putting my bet on the black belt…" John laughed.

Izzy giggled at the comment and fired a left leg roundhouse kick to Zepp's head, missing it by an inch.

John appeared in the door frame. "Alright guys. It's 11:30. Get a decent sleep tonight because tomorrow we're leaving to see sights and stuff at 8, whether you're there or not." He smiled evilly and closed the door. "Game over."

"I really hate it when he does that." Zepp said.

"Yeah, especially when he turns the lights off too…" Izzy groped in the darkness for the lamp switch. She grabbed onto random things. "Help me out here Zepp…eep! Something just brushed up against my leg!"

"Ack! I just brushed up against something that felt like a leg!" Zepp screeched. **[1]**

"Wait…I think I found the switch." Izzy muttered. When she flipped the switch on, she found Zepp only inches away from her face with his arms around her waist and her other arm around his neck.

Zepp hardly blinked. "How did we get here?" He asked, a tone of suggestiveness in his voice.

"Zepp. Away. Now." Izzy hissed.

When the sun shone in through the window to wake Izzy up the next morning, she got an interesting surprise.

"Good morning dear." A voice murmured into her hair.

She wrapped her arms tighter around the neck of the man in front of her. "Good morning…how did you sleep?"

"I slept better when you joined me." The man sighed, pressing his lips to her forehead.

Izzy pawed him affectionately. "Oh, you." The two removed their arms from each other, opened their eyes…and screamed.

"ZEPP! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED?" Izzy shrieked.

"Your bed?" Zepp shouted back. "You slept on the couch remember?"

"No, I didn-" Her face went pale. "Oh my god. I did."

"Now may I ask why you fell asleep in my arms?" Zepp asked.

Izzy put her hands on her hips. "I was probably sleepwalking. We'll solve this later. I'm using the bathroom first."

In half an hour, the family was eating breakfast in John, Amanda, and Hoffman's room.

"So Amanda, you got the marker off your face!" Zepp grabbed a box of Froot Loops and poured himself a bowl.

"Yeah, no thanks to Hoffman…" Amanda sighed, gesturing towards Hoffman who was carefully taking a cranberry muffin out of its packaging.

Izzy skipped into the room. "Hey ya'll!"

Zepp smirked. "Good morning dear." He said sarcastically. Izzy picked up a plastic knife and threw it at him. He used the Froot Loops box to block it.

"Nice save." John nodded.

"I don't get it…" Amanda said.

"Well, you see…" Zepp began, but was hit with a spoon. He looked towards Izzy who was staring daggers at him. He raised his hands in surrender. "Never mind."

"So anyways, did you guys sleep together last night?" Hoffman asked, raising an eyebrow.

Izzy and Zepp looked at each other, and then turned back to Hoffman. "Nope. I slept on the couch." Izzy said proudly.

"Good choice Izzy!" John said before taking a sip of his orange juice. "Alright gang, let's finish up and head out. We've got so much time and so little to do!"

"Strike that, reverse it?" Amanda asked, predicting what he would say next.

"No seriously. We actually don't have a whole lot to do today. Tomorrow will be the really busy day." John smiled.

Pretty soon, the group found themselves standing in front of the stadium of the Boston Red Sox.

"So this is Fenway Park?" Hoffman asked, digging into his bag for a muffin.

"Yes it is, and are you really carrying around a man-purse?" Amanda gave him a 'You've-got-to-be-kidding' look.

Hoffman put his hands on his hips in a girly fashion. "It's not a man-purse, it's a satchel! Indiana Jones has one!" **[2]**

"Of course he does." John rolled his eyes and opened his itinerary.

The tour guide met everyone including a few other tourists outside and led everyone around the park. Hoffman took pictures of absolutely every little thing. They sat in the Green Monster and were told the history of the Red Sox.

"And we played the Pirates in that World Series." The tour guide explained. "And guess who won?"

"The Pirates?" Hoffman raised his hand. **[3]**

The tour guide rolled his eyes. "Put your hand down, dumbass." Hoffman's face fell as he slowly put his hand down.

Later, when they sat in what was called 'The Most Uncomfortable Seats in Baseball', the tour guide explained some other interesting facts. "We actually have a man proposing to his girlfriend here tomorrow. Do we have anything like that here? Anyone proposing? A birthday?" He asked.

Zepp bit his lip and looked over at Izzy. John, who was sitting next to him, noticed this and whispered something into his ear. "Zepp, I've known about your little crush for a very long time. I only want the best for Izzy. Right now, since she acts like she hates you, you are absolutely out of the question." Zepp, dejected, sunk into his seat.

"Any Yankees fans converting to the Red Sox side?" The tour guide asked. Hoffman eagerly raised his hand. "Well congrats, young dumbass."

"Really Hoff?" Amanda asked. Everyone knew she was a die-hard Yankees fan.

Hoffman shrugged her glare off. "I like the name…Sox…"

The next stop was a history tour, and by the time that was over, just about everyone was either sun burnt, exhausted, or in John's case, both.

"John, you really should've known how much you burn. Remember our vacation to Mexico?" Amanda tried to help but couldn't touch John without him yelping in pain.

John gave Hoffman a death glare. "Well it's not my fault SOMEBODY sold the sunscreen to buy more muffins!"

"I just wanna go to bed!" Hoffman whined, covered in muffin crumbs.

"Can we please buy an extra room?" Izzy asked, inching away from Zepp.

John crossed his arms, wincing from the pain. "We already spent enough money on this vacation and your damned Japanese hair straightening treatments!"

Izzy ran a hand through her chocolate brown, straight hair. "And it looks fabulous, does it not?"

"Although it does, we can't afford another room, alright dear?" Amanda put a hand on her daughters shoulder. "Another night with Zepp won't be so bad, right?"

"Uh…" Izzy looked over at Zepp who was blushing.

As soon as they got to the hotel, Zepp and Izzy were faced with a new dilemma. "Alright, so what are we going to do to assure this never happens again?" Izzy asked.

Zepp stroked his chin and looked around. "How about you sleep on the bed, and I sleep on the couch?"

"Sounds good." Izzy shrugged, throwing her stuff on the bed.

* * *

**[1] TOTAL. DRAMA. ACTION!  
[2] The Hangover FTW!  
[3] This actually happened in Boston with Mateo...hahaha**

**A/N:** I know I said this would be a two-part chapter, but I might do one for each day instead just so I don't end up with a hysterically long chapter. I left out the tour because it was BORING AS HELL! Anyways...bye guys!


	21. Whale Watching and Failing

My Life: Whale Watching and Failing

As expected, Izzy woke up completely unharmed, and for once, alone. The room next door however, wasn't having as much luck.

"John, explain to me how Hoffman sings in his sleep?" Amanda screeched. It was seven in the morning and Hoffman was still asleep and singing very loudly.

"Hot potato, hot potato…hot potato, hot potato…"

"Now normally I wouldn't have a problem with this…but The Wiggles is rather annoying." John stroked his chin. Then, he had an idea. John walked over to the wall and knocked on it really loudly. "Izzy, get over here!"

Within minutes, Izzy was in the room. "Alright, I see the problem."

"Cold spaghetti, cold spaghetti…" Hoffman continued to sing.

Izzy tilted her head and smiled. Then she began to sing a slow, lullaby version of a popular song. "Tsamina mina zangalewa, porque esto es Africa!" Soon enough, Hoffman joined in with a harmony part. **[1]**

"Tsamina mina, eh eh. Waka waka eh eh. Tsamina mina zangalewa, anawa aa. Tsamina mina eh eh. Waka waka, eh eh. Tsamina mina zangalewa, porque esto es Africa!"

It worked. Hoffman stopped singing and started snoring instead.

"How did you do that?" Amanda asked.

"By using the scientific process of singing a song that…" Izzy began, but then gave up. "Eh, I don't know. I just started singing and it worked."

John looked around. "Where's Zepp?"

"Getting ready. Why?" Izzy asked.

"Tell him to put on some warm layers and grab a breakfast muffin." John smiled and punched Izzy's arm. "We're goin' whale watching!"

After a quick breakfast, the gang hopped in the rental car and started driving to the harbor.

"Hoffman," Izzy asked while texting one of her friends. "Did you really think it was necessary to wear two pairs of pants and a pair of snow pants? It's not gonna be that cold…"

"Maybe it will be!" Hoffman protested, crossing his arms. Hoffman was wearing a red fleece sweatshirt over a long sleeved shirt and another t-shirt with two pairs of pants under a pair of bulky snow pants. He was also wearing five pairs of socks. He basically looked like a giant marshmallow.

"Well when you light on fire, I'll laugh at you." Izzy rolled her eyes.

"And when you turn into an icicle, I'll laugh even harder!" Hoffman retorted, gestured to what Izzy was wearing. She was wearing a comfortable pair of jeans, and a fleece track sweatshirt over a graphic t-shirt and she had also brought along an optional pair of gloves and a rain jacket.

"At least you're not Amanda…" Zepp pointed at Amanda, who was wearing a black t-shirt and red shorts with black Uggs.

"You guys know I never get cold…" Amanda, who was driving this time, laughed.

They arrived at the harbor and got their tickets. As soon as they got on the boat, Hoffman started to complain.

"I'm too cold!" Hoffman whined.

"You're kidding, right?" Izzy asked. "I'm wearing half of what you are and I'm getting a little warm."

Amanda tugged at the collar of her shirt. "I'm absolutely boiling!"

"Ah, what a family we have…" John shook his head and laughed.

The boat began to move within a couple minutes, and it took Amanda and Izzy a full ten minutes to get Hoffman to stop screaming like he was on a scary rollercoaster.

"Dude, Hoffman." Amanda patted his back. "Chillax."

"Do I need to sing Waka Waka again?" Izzy asked.

Hoffman took a couple of deep breaths. "I'll…be…fine…I hope."

"You might wanna save the screaming for tomorrow when I force you to go on every single rollercoaster in the park." Amanda grinned evilly.

"Yeah Hoff, you know how Mandy here loves her rollercoasters!" John added enthusiastically.

Hoffman calmed down. "Okay…I think I'm fine…" Then he gasped and covered his stomach. "Oh god…"

"Quick, Hoffman, run!" John grabbed his arms and ran to the nearest bathroom.

They returned a couple minutes later with an apple and a bag.

"I understand that the bag is a barf bag," Amanda looked at the items. "But what's the apple for?"

Hoffman shrugged. "I have no idea. They said apples are good for seasick people."

"Just go…I'll see you guys later when we start seeing whales." Amanda brushed Izzy, Hoffman, and Zepp off, following John who was heading downstairs.

"Great. I have to spend the next couple of minutes of my life with him." Zepp said to Izzy, pointing at Hoffman who was of course, singing something totally random.

"The pathetic Americans kneel on the ground, they beg for mercy!" Hoffman skipped around with a muffin in his hand, singing very loudly and off-key. **[2]**

"When will he stop singing that stupid North Korean nursery rhyme?" Izzy shouted, covering her ears.

"When did we ever decide to show him that damned documentary in the first place?" Zepp shouted back.

Izzy laughed. "I remember that narrator lady…she looked a lot like Lynn!"

"Even though Hoffman is annoying us, we've still got each other." Zepp smiled, trying not to piss her off.

Izzy gave him a weird look, and then gradually smiled back. "Yeah. We do."

When John and Amanda returned, they found Izzy and Hoffman singing. This was normal. But what wasn't normal was that Zepp was singing too.

"I don't know why but today seems like it's gonna be a great day! There's something in the air that makes it feel like things are gonna go my way!" **[3]**

"There has been way too much singing on this trip." John shook his head.

Amanda tilted her head. "I don't know why, but I'm tempted to join them."

John gave her a look. "Please don't."

About an hour later, the boat stopped and everyone raced to the sides to try to see who would be the first to see a whale. It turned out to be Hoffman.

"There's a muffin bobbing in the ocean!" Hoffman gasped, looking through his binoculars.

"Give me that!" Amanda snatched them from him. "That's not a muffin…it's a whale!" Gasps and whispers erupted among the crowd of tourists who all snapped out their cameras and binoculars.

The whales did some pretty neat stuff. They flipped over, showed us their fins, and at one point, two jumped out of the water at the same time and did a huge dive.

On the way back, Izzy got a text from Amanda.

'_U hve 2 come 2 the front of the boat where we saw the whales at high speed! F'in hysterical __'_

Izzy, Hoffman, and Zepp headed to the front of the boat where they found the wind blowing really hard and fast in their faces, and Izzy, being the smallest of the group, was nearly blown back.

"Fun, huh?" John shouted. Normal voice volume could hardly be heard here.

Izzy gripped onto Zepp's arm tight to keep from being blown away. "Yeah, easy for you to say."

Hoffman, who was eating a muffin, accidentally dropped it in the water. "Oh blueberry!" He shouted, digging into his satchel for another.

"Blueberry?" John asked.

"My version of 'Oh crap'." Hoffman explained.

Izzy, who was still helplessly clinging to Zepp, looked up at him. "How much longer am I gonna be here for?"

Zepp smiled. "As long as I need to keep you here." He winked at her, which made her quickly run over to Hoffman and cling onto his arm instead.

When the boat pulled into port, Hoffman was the first one off and was kissing the ground. "That…was…terrible!"

John and Amanda walked off the boat holding hands. "Certainly interesting…" He remarked.

"Next time, we're throwing Hoffman overboard." Amanda smiled.

Izzy and Zepp raced each other off the boat and to the car. "I totally won!" Izzy shouted.

"That's because you tripped me…" Zepp muttered.

The next stop on the trip was to Quincy Market. It had a lot of great vendors with food, drinks, and random stuff. Hoffman found a little place selling pranks and bought a fake bug.

"Hi! I'm a buggy!" Hoffman said in a squeaky voice, putting the bug on Amanda's shoulder.

Amanda flicked it away. "Get that away!" As Hoffman bent over to pick up the bug, somebody tripped because of him.

"Who just tripped over me?" Hoffman asked, standing up.

"I did." A woman's voice said. He saw her standing up and gasped. She had hair that was dyed brown that really brought out her green eyes. She wore a black shirt that said 'Boston' on it and faded skinny jeans with red Converse.

"H-h-hi…" Hoffman stammered. "I'm Mark Hoffman."

"Hi Mark Hoffman! I'm Amy." She glanced down at the ground and frowned. "Aw, you made me drop my muffin!" She picked up and examined what looked to be a smushed chocolate chip muffin. **[4]**

Hoffman reached into his bag and pulled out his own chocolate chip muffin. "Here, I carry them everywhere."

Amy took the muffin from him. "Really? I should probably start. Have you seen any places that might sell them around here?"

"Well," Hoffman began. "I think I saw a bakery over by the-"

Amanda grabbed Hoffman by the ear. "Come on Hoff. We need to get ready for the dance tonight, remember?"

Hoffman whimpered like a dog. "Yes ma'am."

"The dance?" Amy asked. "I'm going to that too!"

"That's wonderful, now let's go!" Amanda snapped, dragging Hoffman along with the rest of the family.

Later that night, at a small ballroom, everyone was dressed up nicely, not totally formal, but not casual.

John was wearing a black dress shirt and khaki's. Amanda was wearing a green peasant blouse and tan dress pants. Hoffman wore a white checkered dress shirt, black dress pants, and a tie with muffins on it that he clearly didn't know how to tie. Izzy wore a pink strapless dress with skinny jeans, and Zepp had on a white and blue striped polo shirt and tan dress pants.

Zepp looked down at his shirt. "Does this look too formal? Or maybe too casual?"

Izzy smirked. "I'm the one wearing jeans here, I might be too casual…I guess."

Amanda put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes. "I don't know about you, but I'm gonna go dance." She rushed to the dance floor where Pyromania by Cascada was just finishing up.

"Alright guys, I'm your DJ for the night, and we're going to slow this down a little bit, so grab your special someone and let's dance." The DJ started playing 'Miserable at Best' by Mayday Parade.

_Katie don't cry, I know you're trying your hardest and the hardest part is letting go._

_Of all the nights we shared, Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting._

Izzy looked around. Amanda and John had their arms wrapped around each other and Amanda's head was on John's chest as they swayed. Hoffman was awkwardly edging closer and closer to Amy who was sitting down and wearing a yellow blouse and a black skirt and holding a muffin.

Zepp was sitting in the corner of the room and holding a glass of water. Izzy approached him and gave him a look. "You want to dance with me, don't you?"

Zepp gave her a strange look. "Erm, why do you ask?"

"Do you want to or not?" Izzy asked, holding out her hand.

Zepp bit his lip and stood up, taking Izzy's right hand in his left hand and putting his other hand on her waist as she put her hand on his shoulder.

_But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright._

_And when we look to the sky, it's not mine, but I want it so._

"Your eyes are very bright Izzy…" Zepp smiled softly.

"You better watch it Hindle, I'm gonna rip that smile off your pretty face." Izzy snapped.

"So you admit I'm pretty?"

"Shut up."

They continued to sway to the music, Izzy awkwardly trying not to make eye contact the entire time, and as soon as the song ended, she gave him a hug, started crying, and ran for the exit.

Hoffman, who was holding hands with Amy, walked over and patted Zepp on the back with his free hand. "You finally got some, mm?"

"Yeah, but judging by the way that she just ran out of the room crying, I don't think it went over too well." Zepp watched her run away.

Amanda and John, who were still slow dancing despite the up tempo song playing, realized that Izzy had run out of the room and chased after her.

"What did you say to her?" Amy asked.

Zepp looked at the floor. "Nothing. That's probably why she's upset."

Izzy came back with Amanda and John about 30 minutes later, and her eyes were red and puffy. It was because of this that the family decided to leave early.

"I'll see you soon, right Amy?" Hoffman asked.

Amy smiled and hugged him. "Of course."

When they got to their rooms, Amanda gave Izzy a big hug. "Zepp will take care of you, but I need you to stop crying, alright?" This made Izzy cry even harder. "Oh gosh…uh, John, say something and make her feel better!"

"Izzy, I can only help if you tell me what's wrong." John kneeled in front of her.

"Everything's wrong!" Izzy wailed. Hoffman looked over at Zepp and gave him a dirty look.

"Zepp…just talk to her and figure out what's wrong. I need to get some sleep for the big Six Flags day tomorrow." John stood up, patted Zepp on the back, and headed into his room with Amanda and Hoffman.

Zepp looked at Izzy. "Iz, whatever I did, I'm really sorry."

Izzy looked down at the ground and walked into the room with Zepp behind her. As soon as they got in, Izzy collapsed on the bed and started crying more.

"Uh, maybe some TV will help…" Zepp grabbed the remote and turned the small TV on.

Izzy lifted her head up as soon as the TV turned on. "Is that Wipeout?"

"Oh my God, yeah! I love this show!" Zepp sat down next to Izzy, who was getting up to sit cross-legged.

"Same here!"

As they watched the show together, all of the awkwardness between them seemed to fade as they laughed. Soon enough, they both fell asleep together.

* * *

**[1] WAKA WAKA! XD  
[2] For Ryan, of course x3  
[3] Saturday Night Live! Lawls.  
[4] SawManiac211, ENJOY!**

**A/N:** IT IS ABOUT TIME I FINISHED THIS FREAKING CHAPTER! XD


	22. Three, Two, One, Fly!

My Life: Three, Two, One, Fly!

Zepp woke up just as Izzy had finished up packing all her stuff.

"Are you feeling better?" He asked, getting out of bed.

Izzy gave a sweet smile and nodded. "Yeah, I guess I was just being a bit dramatic last night."

"You should admit though that you think I'm pretty." Zepp laughed.

"Guys can't be pretty. Handsome, yes, but pretty? No." She dug into her bag for a small bottle, took a pill out of it, and swallowed it.

"Fine. Be that way." Zepp stuck his tongue out and finished making the bed.

Izzy rolled her eyes and picked up her bag. "John said to meet him in 5 minutes with your stuff all packed. We're not coming back here after Six Flags."

Zepp packed his things and met Hoffman, John, Amanda, and Izzy outside of the hotel. Standing with them, surprisingly, was Amy.

"We're taking Amy too?" Zepp asked.

Hoffman smiled. "Yeah. She's getting her own ride home though."

Izzy smiled and high fived Amy. "Great to see you again!"

"Same!" Amy replied.

"Alright, if everyone's ready, let's head on out." John announced, clapping his hands.

"Hey Johnnifer **[1**]," Hoffman began. "Is there a water park there?"

"One, you know I hate it when you call me that, and two, yes, but it's closed right now." John said. "Do you have any more stupid nicknames and questions, or can we go now?"

"Well…" Hoffman began, but he was cut off when Amanda smacked him across the face.

"Let's go." She snapped.

In the car, it seemed to be Team Rollercoaster versus Team Baby Rides.

"So Hoff, are you and Amy gonna be cool and go on the big strong rollercoasters with John and I," Amanda began. "Or are you gonna be a wimp like Zepp and Izzy?"

Izzy crossed her arms. "We are not wimps!"

"Yeah!" Zepp backed her up. "We just go slowly on things!"

"That's not the only thing Zepp goes slowly on…" Hoffman smirked, teasing Zepp. Zepp responded with a punch to the face.

"So what rides are you guys excited to go on?" Izzy asked.

"The Bizarro, by far!" Amanda shouted. "Then maybe the Flashback, the Mind Eraser, and the Scream."

"What about you, John?" Izzy turned to her father.

"Well," John tried to keep his eyes on the road while answering. "Definitely the Bizarro, as Amanda said, and the Mind Eraser too…maybe also the Thunderbolt, the Catapult, and the Scream."

"I love the Scream." Hoffman smiled wickedly. "There's a lot of screaming involved."

"No shit, Sherlock. That's why it's called the Scream!" Zepp rolled his eyes.

"What kind of rides are you wimps planning to go on?" Amanda turned around to face Izzy and Zepp.

"Probably Tea Cups and the Crime Wave." Zepp shrugged, looking at Izzy.

"I guess whatever appeals to us." Izzy smiled up at Zepp. There was hardly any sign of previous awkwardness between them.

"Your choice, wimpy wimps." Amanda cackled, already imagining the rides.

They arrived at the park, checked in, and Amanda immediately grabbed John's hand and dragged him to the Bizarro.

"It's now or never!" She shouted as she ran.

Amy pointed at a different ride. "Let's go on the Kontiki, Mark!"

Hoffman shrugged as they headed towards the ride.

That left Izzy and Zepp, alone, at the front of the park.

"Wanna go to Wiggles World?" Zepp asked, holding out his arm. **[2]**

"I thought you'd never ask!" Izzy said proudly, taking his arm as they skipped off.

Amanda and John hit the Bizarro first, and then ended up going on the Flashback, the Catapult, and they managed to drag Hoffman and Amy on the Mind Eraser and the Ride of Steel. Meanwhile, Izzy and Zepp went on lame rides such as the Crime Wave, Teacups, and Splashwater Falls. However, Amy, Hoffman, Izzy, and Zepp somehow managed to find themselves in front of the Skycoaster near the end of their trip. **[3]**

"You do it." Hoffman said nervously, nudging Amy.

"No way!" She poked Zepp. "Zepp will."

Zepp shook his head and pointed at Izzy. "Don't think so. Izzy, go ahead."

"Heh, no." Izzy said, laughing nervously. She gestured towards Hoffman. "I'm sure Hoff over there will."

Hoffman smirked and folded his arms. "So we've determined that none of us will do it. Why don't we wait for Mandy and Johnnifer?"

"They already went." Zepp reminded him, holding out a camera. "Don't you remember? You took pictures of them."

"Oh yeah…" Hoffman sighed.

Izzy looked around for a moment, and then stepped forward. "I'll do it." She said firmly.

Zepp, along with Hoffman and Amy, turned and looked at Izzy with surprise. "You're kidding, right?" Zepp asked.

Izzy shook her head. "Give me the money. I'm going to sign up for a time." She said solemnly. Hoffman handed her some crumpled bills from his pocket and watched as she approached the booth and received a small card that said 7:30 on it.

"You're actually going to do this? You're the biggest chicken ever!" Hoffman shouted.

Izzy smirked. "How about we make a little bet then? If I do it, you give me 50 dollars and access to your muffin stash for life."

"What's in it for me?" Hoffman asked.

"If I chicken out, I'll pay you 100 dollars." Izzy said confidently.

About an hour later, Izzy stood and watched two young women drop from the high point of the Skycoaster, screaming their lungs out. She took a deep breath in as she walked into the little room where they fitted her with a suit that was part of all that safety crap.

"Okay, so the cord attached to your suit will be the thing that drops you. When the voice says, 'Your flight is ready in 3, 2, 1, fly!' you have to pull the cord. Got it?" The employee informed her.

Izzy nodded and they lead her to the loading place where the two women were getting off. As they attached her to the cord, Hoffman was freaking out.

"She's not seriously gonna do this, is she? I don't wanna lose my muffin stash!" He shrieked.

"Smile to the camera, Mark! I'm getting all of this for future reference." Amy said, laughing and pointing the video camera at him.

Mark stared daggers at her and then looked back up at Izzy who was slowly being pulled up until she reached about 180 feet off the ground.

"Your flight is ready in 3, 2, 1, fly!" The voice boomed over the intercom.

Izzy yanked the cord and immediately started screaming as she fell on the other cord, then began to curve as she neared the bottom.

"Holy crap, she did it!" Zepp cheered as she flew over them.

"There goes my muffin stash…" Hoffman sighed.

Izzy was lowered, the cords and suit were removed, and she walked proudly towards the other three. "Pay up."

Hoffman dug into his pocket and retrieved what was left of his money and reluctantly handed it to Izzy. "I still can't believe I lost."

Izzy smiled evilly, but then her face softened. "You know what, Hoffman? I'll be nice. I'll change my 'prize'."

"I'm listening." Hoffman said warily.

"You don't have to give me access to the muffin stash; instead, Zepp has to go on the Skycoaster with me." Izzy put her hands on her hips and smiled.

Hoffman arched an eyebrow. "I don't see what that has to do with me, but sure." He shook Izzy's hand and nudged Zepp. "You're up. Skycoaster time."

"Wait, what? Me? On the Skycoaster? I didn't agree to this!" Zepp wailed.

Izzy rolled her eyes. "Too bad." She grabbed his hand and dragged him to the booth, where they signed up for a time that was in about 20 minutes.

"For the eighty-sixth time, no!" Zepp shouted twenty minutes later, as she pulled him to the place.

"And for the eighty-seventh time, yes." Izzy responded playfully. The two got their suits, and switched places with the group currently on.

As they were lifted up, Zepp was panicking, as expected by Izzy.

"But Iz, what if the cord snaps on the way down and we fall?" He asked.

"There's water below us. You can swim, right?" She teased.

"But what if we fall over the park?"

"Hoffman and Amy will catch us."

"But what if we-"

"Your flight is ready in 3, 2, 1, fly!" The man said, and Izzy yanked on the cord, sending them down.

"I love you, Izzy!" Zepp screamed during their initial plunge.

"I love this too!" Izzy screamed back, and then continued screaming.

As soon as the initial plunge ended and they began to slow down and curve, Zepp calmed down and stopped screaming in fear. "That was weird." He said after the two got off.

"Weird?" Izzy asked. "That was the experience of a lifetime and you're calling it weird?"

Zepp sighed. "Yeah. It was weird."

The group finally all met each other at the end of the day in front of the entrance.

"It was great seeing you again, Amy!" Izzy gave her a hug and smiled. Hoffman hugged her next.

"Do you think I'll ever see you again?" Hoffman asked.

"Probably not. I don't live around here." Amy shrugged and looked down.

Hoffman tried to smile. "Well neither do we. Can I at least have your number?"

"Sure. Give me your phone." Amy took the Env Touch from Hoffman's hand and put her number into it. "There. See you soon!" She waved and walked away. Hoffman waved back as he was dragged to the car by the rest of his family. Unlike earlier, the drive back home was quiet, and as soon as the group reached home, almost all of them collapsed and fell asleep immediately.

Well, almost.

'_Dear Diary,_

_I told Izzy that I loved her today. I'm pretty sure she didn't hear me. Oh well. Maybe next time.'_

Then he fell asleep.

* * *

**[1] HUGE SHOUT OUT TO JONNIFER JANACK ILY! XD  
[2] Lizzie, can we go see the Wiggles Show?  
[3] This is based on a real experience. I ACTUALLY DID GO ON THE SKYCOASTER!**

**A/N: **Hm...this chapter sucks...oh well. I needed it done because there will be ANOTHER new chapter tomorrow ;)


	23. Surprise?

My Life: Surprise?

Izzy woke up at about 10 in the morning, which was average for her in the summer. What wasn't average though, was that she woke up in the house of Jill Tuck, her father's ex-wife.

"Whoa, what the…?" She exclaimed as she sat up.

"Good morning Izzy!" Jill said, coming in. "I was wondering when you were going to wake up."

Izzy raised her eyebrows. "Not to be rude, but why am I at your house?"

"Your parents are busy and weren't able to take care of you so you get to spend the day with me!" Jill clapped her hands together excitedly.

"Busy? On today of all days?" Izzy asked. "Hoffman was busy too?"

"Yeah. He was." Jill responded, shrugging.

"Zepp? Adam? Lawrence?"

"Them too. They're all working on the same thing."

Izzy crossed her arms and sighed. "Well, I guess whatever they're doing is important."

"I suppose so." Jill muttered, heading into the kitchen. Izzy followed, and there they had a breakfast of Cocoa Puffs and white buttered toast for Izzy, and bacon and coffee for Jill.

"Don't you have anything to say to me?" Izzy asked expectantly.

"Yeah." Jill smiled, taking a sip from her mug. "We're going bowling today."

The two headed to a bowling alley and ate up about an hour without bumpers, pretty much throwing gutter balls the entire time.

"Okay, this is my fifth gutter ball. Let's get a lane with bumpers." Jill said with a laugh.

She approached the counter and caught the attention of a tall woman working there. "How may I help you?" The woman, whose nametag said 'Rachel', asked.

"Are there any lanes with bumpers available?" Jill asked.

Rachel glanced at the computer then looked back. "I'm sorry, but there aren't any bumper lanes available until tomorrow, the 16th. If you'd like to book one then, feel free."

Jill shook her head. "No thanks. Come on, Izzy. Let's go somewhere else."

The next place Jill took Izzy was a popular science museum. Although most museums were boring and lame, this one wasn't it was called BEST, which apparently stood for something involving the name of the man who built it. There, they spent a couple of hours running around the museum, but most of their time was in the Science Playground.

"Ready or not, here I come!" Jill shouted, barreling through two small children to try to find Izzy, who was hiding somewhere in the playground. Jill ran up some steps, down a slide or two, through a ball pit, and around about twenty children until she found Izzy hiding behind some foam blocks near the bottom.

"Now why didn't I think of that before?" Jill asked herself out loud.

"Yeah, that was kind of dumb seeing as you hid there last round." Izzy reminded her. "My turn to count!" Izzy found Jill within a couple of seconds hiding amongst small children in the ball pit.

"Well, I tried, y'know?" Jill shrugged.

"You're wearing bright yellow, Jill. Seriously. What were you thinking?" Izzy said, smirking.

The next stop was Starbucks where Jill picked up a latte and Izzy tried her very first decaf coffee.

"It seriously tastes like crap." Izzy said, taking a sip.

"How do you know what crap tastes like?" Jill asked, laughing hysterically.

Izzy rolled her eyes. "Out of all the people to make that joke? Honestly Jill, I think there's something wrong with you."

Jill tilted her head. "And why is that?" She asked.

"You're usually so serious and calm, why are you suddenly crazy now? I mean, having a crazy family is great and all, but whenever I need someone to help calm everyone down, I usually talk to you. If you go insane too, I'm not sure what I'll do. I'll be…I'll be…" Izzy looked around in a loss for words.

"Surrounded by loons?" Jill suggested. **[1]**

"That. Sure." Izzy said, shaking her head and looking down. "I just want to go home. I don't care if my parents are busy, I'll stay out of the way, I promise. Today is one of the worst days of my life."

Jill pouted. "Why?"

"Look at the calendar, Jill." Izzy said seriously.

Jill opened her phone and looked at the date. "July 15th." She replied seriously.

"And do you know what day that is?" Izzy asked.

"Um…don't tell me…I know this." Jill pondered it for a moment then responded. "It's the 125th birthday of Josef Frank!" **[2]**

Izzy's eyes filled up with tears as she sat down. "Yeah. Sure. That's it."

Jill tried to smile, but couldn't. Just then, her phone vibrated and she quickly glanced at it. It was a text message. "Izzy, your dad just texted me and said that they're done with whatever they're doing." This time, she could smile. And she did. Proudly. "Come on, I'll take you home."

The two got into the car and had a brief conversation on the way home.

"So what was everyone busy doing today anyways?" Izzy asked.

"Well, I'm not sure. But whatever it was, it was probably really important." Jill said, fighting back a big smile.

"Maybe they're setting up a new game." Izzy gasped. "I hope it's not for me again."

"Not today, Iz." Jill laughed and shook her head.

They pulled into the driveway of Izzy's house about half an hour later and before they headed inside, Jill did two things, only one of which Izzy found suspicious. First, she sent someone a text. Probably John. Next, she took out a blindfold.

"Jill, what's with the blindfold?" Izzy asked, giggling.

"You have to put it on." Jill stated, walking behind her and tying the blindfold.

"Hey! I didn't agree to this!" Izzy shouted, randomly swatting in the air.

"Too bad!" Jill shouted back, grabbing her by the shoulders and beginning to lead her inside.

"Ugh this is so unfair…" Izzy mumbled, and then she attempted to take in her surroundings. "Is it dark in here or what?"

"Okay Iz. Take off the blindfold." Jill said, trying harder than ever to suppress her laughter.

Izzy took off the blindfold and for a second, she noticed that it was dark. She faintly heard Jill turning the light switch on, and she hardly had enough time to take in everything around her before everyone yelled,

"SURPRISE!"

Izzy's eyes widened and she blinked multiple times before realizing that everyone she knew was standing in front of her, except for Jill who was next to her, and the entire house had been decorated with streamers, confetti, and other random things. John approached her first.

"Happy birthday Izzy. You probably thought we all forgot about you, didn't you?" John said calmly, giving his daughter a huge hug. "Looks like we managed to pull it off."

A bunch of people approached her and gave her gifts, but one was the most special to her.

Zepp handed her a small box wrapped in purple paper and tied with a shiny silver ribbon. "I really hope you like it, Elizabeth."

Izzy was a little confused as to why he was using her full name, but forgot about it when she opened the gift. It was a silver necklace with a beautiful pink heart in the center with a gold lining. "Zepp…this is…beautiful."

"Not nearly as beautiful as you." He said softly, surprising himself that he had the courage to say it.

"I love you Zepp." Izzy hugged him and he began to cry. "You're the best unbiological cousin ever."

Zepp's face fell a little bit and Hoffman covered his mouth with his hand and laughed. Zepp shook it off anyways and kissed Izzy's forehead. "I love you too."

Other gifts that Izzy received were a new iPod, some books, a DVD, a charm bracelet with a muffin charm on it (courtesy of Hoffman), and many other fun things.

But Izzy wasn't the only one receiving gifts today.

"Hoffman, we have a surprise for you." Amanda announced, gesturing towards the front door. The door opened, and standing there was Amy.

"Nice to see you again." Amy waved at Hoffman, who rushed at her and gave her a huge hug.

"It's great to see you too." Hoffman whispered.

"And happy birthday Izzy!" Amy managed to say while Hoffman was still hugging her.

Izzy smiled and looked around. It really was a happy birthday.

* * *

**[1] TDA Reference...I had to x3  
[2] Thanks for telling me that, Google...O.o**

**A/N: **It's true! It's all true! Today, July 15th 2010, is my 14th birthday ^^


	24. Flash Mobs

**A/N: JUST SO YOU GUYS KNOW, from now on, I'm spelling 'Zepp', 'Zep'. Yeah, I converted to the script way. Live with it.**

* * *

My Life: Flash Mobs

Zep is almost always the second one up, and almost always beat by John, the only exception being the morning of July 31st.

What normally happened if Zep was staying overnight, was that John would get up and make coffee. Zep would get woken up by the smell and unwillingly head downstairs and have a brief chat with John before the he ran off, leaving Zep alone until Izzy or Amanda woke up.

But this time, Zep woke up without the coffee and John. This time, when Zep walked down the stairs, he knew that everyone was fast asleep. And this time, Zep had to make the damn coffee.

John woke up about an hour later and found Zep finishing his coffee and reading the newspaper.

"Whoa, how did you manage to get up before me?" John asked, pouring himself some coffee.

"Just…naturally." Zep asked, at a bit of a loss for words.

"You do realize that's yesterday's paper, right?" John smirked, taking a sip.

Zep face-palmed himself. "Geez…that was dumb. These articles are pretty neat though." He scanned the page and picked out a couple of random articles, mostly about stupid stuff going on in the community, the usual lameness about the oil spill, and of course-articles about the Jigsaw murders. Zep chuckled and turned the page.

"Did you read the one about the flash mob?"

"The what-now?"

"It's called a flash mob. A bunch of people go places and do crazy stuff. They do that kind of stuff all the time in New York City."

"Oh yeah, I think I've heard of that, those Improv Everywhere guys."

John smiled and nodded, grabbed the paper, and pointed at an article. "They're doing something like that nearby today. Maybe we could all head down there and join in."

Zep gave a little grin. "Let's do it."

It took a few hours for everyone else to get up. Amanda was first, then Izzy, and last, of course, was Hoffman, who had also been staying overnight, but instead of sleeping in a bed, he slept on the couch.

"What's all the excitement about?" He mumbled.

"We're gonna go to a flash mob!" Izzy cheered.

Hoffman rubbed his eyes and laughed. "What's a flash mob? Is it a thing where you flash people?"

Amanda half-choked on her cereal laughing. "Wow Hoffman, words just don't describe how ignorant you are."

"No." John shook his head. "By definition, it's a large group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual and pointless act for a brief period of time, and then disperse. And they're always preplanned."

"In stupid person terms, it's when people go to a place and do crazy stuff." Izzy explained.

Hoffman smiled and nodded. "I like this! What do we do?"

"We're all supposed to download a certain mp3 file onto our iPods and we all press play at the same time. Then we just follow the instructions of the guy on the file." Zep said, holding up his small, red, iPod nano. "I took the liberty of downloading it onto yours, seeing as you probably would forget." He held up Hoffman's pink iPod shuffle in his other hand.

Hoffman snatched it out of Zep's hand. "Thanks Zep…" He mumbled.

"What time does it start?" Izzy asked.

"Four o'clock." Zep looked at John to confirm this. John nodded and Zep turned back to Izzy. "It's twelve now, so we have four hours to prepare."

"Preparation!" Izzy and Hoffman shouted at the same time.

Four hours later, everyone was dressed in insane outfits with the exception of Hoffman, who was too lazy to change out of his dinosaur footie pajamas.

"You're gonna boil out there." Amanda laughed at his outfit. "It's supposed to be really hot today."

Hoffman rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "Big deal. Everyone loves footie pajamas!"

The family arrived at the specific spot around 3:50, all carrying umbrellas per request by the person setting it up. Finally, at 4:00, someone blew an air horn, which signaled everyone to press play.

The man on the tape had everyone perform a few simple tasks first. For example, they had them wave, tell people they brought umbrellas because of the rain, open their umbrellas, and point at things. The next thing they did was find a dancing apple, or at least a man dressed up as one, and have him be put on trial for silly charges, only to have a polar bear admit to doing it. The next thing everyone did was 'compete in a triathlon'. Everyone pretended to swim, ran in slow motion, and used umbrellas as handlebars of a bike.

"Having fun?" Zep asked Izzy as they were running in slow motion.

"Wwwwhhhhaaatttt?" Izzy replied in slow motion.

Next, everyone did the YMCA, formed a conga line, drew circles on the ground, and had a pirate sword fight. They celebrated a wedding and a funeral, and last but not least, all gathered in a big circle, holding their umbrellas. The voice said that it was as if they were all specks of dust and he was allergic to dust so if he sneezed, everyone would scatter in random directions. He did, so everyone ran around, holding their umbrellas, laughing and talking. It was all over.

"Did you like it?" Zep asked everyone.

Amanda and Hoffman grunted in response as they tried to untangle their umbrellas, while John and Izzy high-fived and nodded.

"We should do these more often." John added. "I love the looks on everyone's faces when they see a conga line in the middle of the city."

Amanda yanked her black umbrella away from Hoffman's pink and purple one and nodded. "They were all so confused!" She said. "It was effing hysterical."

"I guess we have to wait until next year to do it again…" Hoffman sighed, closing his umbrella.

"Well, the least we can do is make a conga line back to the car, right?" John suggested.

Everyone looked up and nodded excitedly. Amanda grabbed onto John's shoulders, Hoffman grabbed onto Amanda's, Izzy grabbed Hoffman's, and Zep held onto Izzy's shoulders as they all conga-ed all the way back to the car.

* * *

**A/N: **Flash mobs are entertaining, no? Well, lame chapter. Kbye. BTW, thanks soooo much for all the reviews! You don't know how much they mean to me!


	25. Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, and Dodge

My Life: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, and Dodge

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1, okay Hoffman, you have to drop the ball." Amanda jeered.

"What? Why?" Hoffman protectively clutched a Hello Kitty bouncy ball to his chest.

"The 30 second rule." Amanda reminded him. "You can't hold onto a ball for longer than 30 seconds."

Hoffman pouted, dropped the ball, and watched it roll to the other team.

Izzy cheered and snapped it up. "My Hello Kitty ball!" She pelted the ball and it hit a dejected Hoffman in the arm.

"I miss it already…" He whined, sitting down on the sidelines next to John, who was the official judge in the spontaneous Young-Kramer dodgeball match. It was Team Muffin (Zep and Hoffman) versus Team Girl Power (Izzy and Amanda).

"Looks like Zep is the last one in." Amanda said with a mischievous grin. She picked up a small green ball and bounced it on the grass.

Zep gulped and backed as far away as he could from the line of sticks that separated the two teams. He stopped as he reached the sticks that ended the court and picked up a nearby ball to defend himself with.

Izzy snatched the ball from Amanda and chucked it at Zep, who was hit in the face.

"That's a headshot!" John shouted, and then pointed at Izzy. "You're out."

Izzy groaned and sat down. Now, it was all Amanda and Zep.

Amanda leaned over and picked up a ball. Zep mirrored her movement, both of them not taking their eyes off of each other. When Amanda wound up to throw the ball, Zep did the same and they both ended up throwing them at the same time. But Amanda was quicker and managed to jump out of the way, unlike Zep, who got hit in the chest and didn't catch it in time.

"And that's the game!" John announced as Izzy leapt to her feet and cheered.

"Why do the girls always win?" Hoffman whined.

"We're girls." Amanda explained. "Naturally, we kick ass."

"I've noticed. " Zep groaned, sitting down next to Izzy.

"Y'know, if we had more people on our team, then maybe we could actually win." Hoffman said to Amanda. "After all, there are more men in our family than women."

"But then it would be unfair." John interjected, waving his hand like a referee with a flag on a play. "The least we could do is give the girls some extra players."

"Why don't we do it then?" Zep suggested, standing up and facing John. "A big dodgeball match. Maybe invite some friends too."

"So let's see, we can invite Adam, Lawrence, and Jill, who else?" John asked.

"Amy." Hoffman said loudly. "Definitely Amy." He sighed happily and stared off into space for a moment before snapping back to reality.

"I could get some of my school friends. Kayla, Michelle, Cory, Lindsey, Trina, Lydia, Alec…" Izzy counted her friends on her fingers. "And we could invite Rocky too. I haven't seen him in a while."

John tapped his chin. "Mmm, not Alec. Too dangerous after that trap. And if we invite Rocky, then we should probably invite Strahm and Perez too."

"Don't forget Alison and Diana. They probably don't hate me that much…" Zep added with a laugh.

Izzy bit her lower lip and nodded. "So how will we divide up into teams?"

"Two team captains. They pick. Simple enough for everyone including Hoffman." John shrugged.

Hoffman looked up with a blank expression on his face. "But I don't get it. What does the team captain pick again?"

"Amy must be one of those 'brawn over brains' type of girls." Zep rolled his eyes, but then cringed as Hoffman tripped over his foot. "I take that back. Maybe she just feels bad for him."

About two days later, everyone sat cross-legged in front of John.

"There will be two team captains that will be picked randomly out of this hat. Everyone's name is in this hat except for Hoffman and me, so everyone has a fair chance." John announced.

"Why not me?" Hoffman whined.

Zep turned towards him. "You can't count to five."

"One, two, three, four…uh, seven, sixty-twelve…" Hoffman stared into space.

John ignored Hoffman's stupidity and reached into the hat. "First team captain is Adam!"

Adam fist-pumped Lawrence and cheered.

"Next name is…Zep!" John pointed at Zep who smiled. "You can pick first."

Zep stood up, looked around and laughed. "Do I even have to say who?"

Hoffman raised his hand. "I know you're picking me." He said sarcastically, and then nudged Izzy forward. "Get up there, Iz."

Izzy rolled her eyes and stood next to Zep, laying her head on his shoulder. Everyone 'awwww'ed. Zep's face turned red.

"And my first choice is obviously Larry!" Adam took Larry's hand and they both stood up. Everyone 'awwww'ed.

Zep picked Lydia next, per request by Izzy. Adam then picked Hoffman. Zep ended up also picking Rocky, Perez, and Kayla. Adam picked Strahm, Amanda, and Michelle. Next to be picked were Diana, Trina, Allison, Lindsey, Cory, and last was Jill. Before the game began, the two teams had a meeting.

"We need a strategy." Zep said to his team, pacing back and forth.

"Dodge, duck, dip, dive, and…uhm…dodge?" Izzy suggested. **[1]**

"It works for now." Zep shrugged.

"We don't have anything better." Perez said, shaking her head.

"Other than let's go out and kick ass!" Lydia cheered, pumping her fist in the air.

The other team had some better ideas.

"I know a handful of great dodgeball tactics. They should help us." Amanda offered.

"How do you know them?" Strahm asked.

Amanda shot a look at Strahm. "Trust me. If I wanted to, I could kill you with a dodgeball."

Strahm squeaked in fear and hid his face.

Within five minutes, the teams met up on the 'court'.

"You should all know the rules of dodgeball. I shouldn't have to explain them. Now, captains, please shake hands." John ordered.

Adam extended his hand, and Zep warily shook it, staring Adam down.

"Please back up to your starting positions." The two teams did so. "On your marks, get set, dodgeball!" John shouted. Immediately, the two teams dashed for the dodgeballs in the middle of the court, and Adam's team seemed to get control of most of them first.

"Not playing, eh?" John asked Amy, who was sitting on the sidelines and holding a muffin.

"Well somebody has to be the cheerleader, right?" She replied.

The first person to get out, no surprise, was Hoffman. "I'm sorry Amy, I failed you."

"Well now that you're on the sidelines, you can spend more time with me." She grabbed his hand and smiled.

Strahm was next, followed by Lydia, Perez, Diana, and Amanda.

"Shit…hit by my own daughter." She cursed under her breath as Izzy cheered.

Adam leaped into the air and caught a ball. He landed on his knees and immediately motioned for Amanda to come back in as Kayla sulked over to the sidelines.

Zep was the first captain to get out as Larry hit him in the leg. Izzy got really pissed.

"Did you really just get Zep out?" She asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"Yeah, why?" Larry asked, trying not to laugh.

Izzy smirked and began to sing. "Let me tell you something mister…" **[2]** She was interrupted by Michelle hitting her in the head with a ball.

"Headshot!" John and Amy shouted, pointing at Michelle.

"I really hate it when you sing songs from that stupid 'Teens in Hollywood' show or whatever it's called." Michelle mumbled, and then stuck her tongue out at Izzy.

"Teens in Tinseltown, Michelle." Izzy rolled her eyes and hit Lindsey in the shoulder.

Allison caught a ball and brought, no surprise here, Diana back in. Cory caught another and brought Zep back in. This got Larry and Jill out.

Adam's team had Adam, Amanda, and Trina left on the field. Zep's team had Zep, Izzy, Rocky, Allison, and Cory until Amanda pelted a ball towards Rocky, who wasn't paying attention.

"Move the hell out of the ball's path!" Izzy shouted, running towards him and getting hit.

Rocky looked up. "What just happened?" Izzy was lying on the ground and looking up at him, the ball lying idly next to her foot. "Did you get hit?"

"Yeah. I got hit for you." Izzy got up, smiled at him sweetly and headed towards the sidelines.

Diana and Allison quickly got hit by Adam within the next couple of seconds, turning the game into a three-on-three.

Cory and Trina, being friends, threw balls at each other and missed about twenty times before they finally hit each other.

The final four on the field were Zep, Rocky, Adam, and Amanda.

"We don't stand a chance…" Rocky muttered.

Adam chucked two unsuccessful balls at the two remaining members of the opposing team and cursed under his breath. The main reason was probably Amy, Izzy, and Lindsey doing some stupid cheer on the sidelines.

"Brusha brusha brusha! Get the new Ipana! With the brand new flavor, it's dandy for your teeth! Brusha brusha brusha, new Ipana toothpaste! Brusha brusha brusha-" **[3]**

"Do you guys really have to do that right now?" Zep asked, looking at the three teenagers.

"It's better than singing Teens in Tinseltown." Izzy nodded, crossing her arms. Amy and Lindsey laughed in agreement.

"Can you guys please-" Zep was cut off when he was hit in the head pretty hard with a ball thrown by Adam.

"That's a headshot!" John shouted.

Adam sulked off the field. "Damnit…"

"Zep!" Izzy screeched, running onto the field.

Zep looked up at Izzy. "I'm fine, relax." That clearly didn't stop her from giving him a death hug. "Or you could do that…" He gasped.

"Sorry." Izzy mumbled, heading back to the sidelines.

"Hey, I don't get a hug?" Rocky asked, but was then hit by Amanda with a ball.

Kayla laughed. "After getting hit by Izzy's mom, I think he deserves one."

Izzy shrugged and hugged him as they walked over to the sidelines. Zep and Amanda were the only ones on the field, but it ended up being rather anticlimactic when Zep was hit in the shoulder after being distracted by a shiny object.

"And that's how you dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge." Amanda gloated as her team rushed out to congratulate her.

"Sorry that happened." Izzy comforted Zep.

Zep smiled and threw an arm around Izzy. "Thanks."

Over with the other team, Amy was congratulating Hoffman. "You were amazing!"

"I was the first to get out." Hoffman smirked.

Amy laughed and kissed him on the cheek, which made his face turn red. "Thanks."

* * *

**[1] Ah, dodgeball. The movie that inspired this chapter.  
[2] TEENS. IN. TINSELTOWN. FTW. I MISS YOU ALL  
[3] Best part of Grease ever! I miss everyone from Grease too times 100000000!**

**A/N: **Everyone go 'awwww'!


	26. Not Mister, but Doctor

My Life: Not Mister, but Doctor

"So what did you do over the weekend, Tyler?" Izzy asked her friend that was sitting on her right in Social Studies.

"Absolutely nothing." He rolled his eyes. "Hey, where's Trina?"

Izzy looked around the room. "No idea, she's usually here before me. Her homeroom is closer to here than mine."

"Yeah, she's in my homeroom. Remember?" Tyler asked, laughing.

Trina ran into the classroom and slid her binders into the desk. "Sorry, I dropped my stuff in the hallways."

"So today we find out who is replacing Ms. Morton on maternity leave, right?" Izzy asked.

"I think so. I hope we get someone nice." Tyler nodded and looked towards the door.

It took a few minutes of awkward chatter before someone entered the room. As soon as he took his place at the desk, everyone fell silent. The new teacher was fairly short and had black hair, almost similar to Zep's. He wore a sweater vest and typical male teacher dress pants. "Good morning class."

"Good morning." Everyone repeated back lazily.

"My name is Doctor Linus. Yes, Doctor." Dr. Linus told everyone. "Don't call me Mister."

"Whatever you say Mister Line-man!" Bryan Endell shouted from the back of the room, and then turned to high-five his friends.

"Bryan Endell and your entourage." Dr. Linus glanced at his attendance sheet. "Ms. Morton has said a lot about you."

"What can I say?" Jasper Frankel, one of Bryan's friends shouted. "Mrs. Dirty loves me!"

"Yeah right." Rochelle Diamond spat.

Jasper winked seductively at Rochelle who immediately turned back to Dr. Linus.

"You can save your middle school hormones for after class. Right now, I need to take attendance." Dr. Linus adjusted his glasses and glanced at the sheet. "Alexander Lopez?"

"Yo!" Alex called from the corner of the room.

"No need to say anything, just raise your hand." Dr. Linus shot a look at Alex. Izzy and Trina giggled. "Rochelle Diamond, Yasmin Heru, and Monica Jensen?" They raised their hands. "Trina Ebert, Alexis Dremlin, and Tyler Wind?"

Tyler looked up. "What?"

"Pay attention." Dr. Linus snapped. "Jasper Frankel, Bryan Endell, and Hanna Powers?"

"Hey Line-man!" Bryan shouted.

Dr. Linus brushed off the comment and continued. "Nicholas Verns, Elizabeth Young-Kramer, and Louis Jan?" The last three raised their hands. "Good. Do any of you go by nicknames? I know Nicholas probably goes by Nick, correct?"

Nick nodded and folded his arms. "Whatever."

"Louis, do you go by Lou?" Dr. Linus asked.

"I go by Mr. Extreme!" Louis joked, high-fiving Jasper.

"What about Elizabeth and Alexis?" Dr. Linus ignored Louis.

"I go by Lexi." Lexi said quietly.

"And you can call me Izzy." Izzy nodded.

"Good. Now that that's all settled, can anyone tell me what the homework was last night?" Dr. Linus asked the class.

"Yo man, we didn't have no homework." Louis called out.

Dr. Linus smiled in a way that said 'I'm going to destroy you.' "Thank you, Mr. Extreme. Hanna, can you please tell me the homework?"

The class went on like any other class. Sarcastic remarks from the three idiots in the back, the popular girls giggling, Izzy and Trina doing something stupid, the usual.

As soon as kids from the next period started to gather around the door, Dr. Linus nodded. "You may go. Have a good day."

Izzy, Trina, and Tyler bolted out of the classroom. Trina headed to Spanish, which was right across the hall, and Tyler went to English, which was right next door, leaving Izzy to walk all the way to Science until Alec stopped her on his way to English. "So Izzy, what's the new teacher like?"

"Really…" Izzy paused, at a loss for words. "Weird. Kind of strict. Do you have a bunch of morons in your class?"

"Pretty much." Alec said with a smile.

Izzy shook her head and laughed. "Then they're screwed. Have fun." She waved him off and continued to walk to Science.

Izzy got home at her normal time, three o'clock. Amanda was sitting Indian style on the dining room table, reading the newspaper.

"Mom, what are you doing?" Izzy asked.

Amanda looked down at her daughter. "Reading the paper. Duh."

"I meant the table." Izzy crossed her arms.

Amanda rolled her eyes and got down from the table. "Do you have any idea how boring chairs are?" She threw the paper behind her and walked towards the kitchen. "If you tell me one cool thing that happened at school today, I'll tell you one cool thing that happened at home today."

"We got a new teacher to replace Ms. Morton."

"What, did she get arrested or something?" Amanda grabbed a banana off the counter and peeled it open.

"Nah. Maternity leave." Izzy said, laughing. "I thought you hated bananas?"

"I do." Amanda grinned and threw the banana at Elvis and Maxine to eat, and held the peel up.

Izzy blinked a few times then laughed. "I didn't hear it from you."

After Amanda strategically placed the banana, she turned back to her daughter. "Anyways, we have a new neighbor."

"Geez, I thought that house would never sell." Izzy laughed. "Who moved in?"

"Some guy named Benjamin. That's all I know." Amanda shrugged. "Let's go welcome him!"

Izzy laughed nervously. "Let's not and say we did." As if on cue, the doorbell rang.

Amanda rushed to the door and opened it. "New neighbor! Come in, come in."

When Benjamin walked into the kitchen where Izzy was, both of them did a double take.

"Doctor Linus?" Izzy asked.

"Hello Elizabeth." He said warily.

"Mom," Izzy turned to Amanda. "I didn't know that my new teacher is our neighbor."

"And his name is Ben Linus. Weird, huh?" Amanda grinned and shrugged.

"Like from Lost?" Izzy asked hopefully.

Ben sighed. "Well…not really." Izzy's face fell. "I really should be going now, I have to prepare tomorrow's lesson."

"You can't play without playing one round of Super Smash Brothers Melee!" Amanda protested.

Ben turned around and narrowed his eyes. "You guys play Melee?" He asked in disbelief.

Izzy and Amanda responded by grinning wickedly and nodding. By the time John, Hoffman, and Zep arrived, the three were locked in a fierce 12 person tournament.

Hoffman entered first. "I'm home!" He walked in and slipped on the banana peel. "Damnit, not again!"

John smirked as he walked by Hoffman. "Have a nice trip, Mark."

"And see you next fall!" Zep chimed in.

"Where's the girls?" John asked, looking around at an empty house.

"Well clearly Amanda was here." Hoffman said, rubbing his head.

Zep looked up the stairs and could faintly hear an announcer shouting the word 'Game!'. "They must be playing Melee upstairs."

"Are you sure it's Melee and not Brawl?" John asked.

"The announcer sounds different." Zep said. "Duh."

The three headed upstairs and found Izzy and Amanda, but also someone new. He looked quite similar to Zep, but wore glasses and was more formal.

"Who the hell is this?" Hoffman asked.

Izzy turned around and smiled. "This is my new Social Studies teacher, Doctor Linus."

"And he's also our new neighbor!" Amanda cheered.

"Funny thing is, his name is Ben Linus, and he looks like Ben from Lost!" Izzy giggled.

"But I'm not." Ben snapped.

Hoffman extended his hand. "Nice to meet you." Ben reached to shake it, but Hoffman pulled away. "Psyche!"

"This must be the really weird one you mentioned." Ben smirked and looked at Amanda.

"Burrrrn!" Zep shouted.

"I didn't get the chance to tell you about my father John and my cousin Zep." Izzy turned and pointed at the two. "They have some intelligence."

"Mi inteligente!" Hoffman shouted in protest.

Amanda sighed. "Hoff, you just said 'Me intelligent' in Spanish."

"Can we continue with Melee?" Ben whined.

"I call being Mewtwo." John stated, snatching a remote.

Zep grabbed Hoffman by the arm and pulled him aside. "Mark, I don't like this guy."

"Why not? He seems cool." Hoffman asked, staring at the muffin next to Ben.

"But Izzy…" Zep began.

Hoffman looked Zep dead in the eyes. "Listen to me. Ben is old. Old enough that if anything happened in-between them, he would get arrested. With you, it doesn't matter. It's not like you're the apprentice to Jigsaw or anything." **[1]**

Zep blinked. "Maybe…you're right."

Hoffman and Zep looked back to the trio to find Izzy staring at them. "Are you gonna cheer me on, or what?" She said, smiling.

Zep shook his head. "I think I'll cheer for Ben." He said, laughing.

_The next day…_

"Alright class, looks like our time is up. We'll pick up on North Korea tomorrow." Doctor Linus announced. "Oh, and Izzy, I need to see you after class."

"Oooohhh…" Everyone in the class chorused.

After everyone left, Izzy approached his desk. "Yes, Be-I mean, Doctor Linus?"

"Your house, five o'clock, melee tournament. This time, I will win." He winked at her and smiled wickedly as Izzy shook her head and left.

* * *

**[1] This is a big realization for Zep, as well as a possible turning point in the way he acts.**

**A/N: **Oh. Hey look. I updated. With a crossover. BAM. Anyways, coming up is a Halloween chapter and a chapter based off of an event that happened at another school. This is also Izzy's last chapter in middle school. I promise her next adventures will be as a freshman like me! Toodle-oo! PS: Thanks Colleen and Allana for helping me get this chapter up :D


	27. Movies and Revelations

My Life: Movies and Revelations

"So Hoff, what are you gonna be for Halloween this year?" Izzy asked while putting orange and black streamers in front of her door.

"Probably a muffin." Hoffman replied, handing her another roll.

"You were a muffin last year." Zep poked his head out from John and Amanda's bedroom, where he was hanging fake spiders. The Young/Kramer/Hoffman/Hindle family was known for their obsession with decorating for holidays. Especially Halloween. Even the games they set up around that time involved jack-o-lanterns and fake skeletons.

"Yes, but this year I'm going to be a raisin muffin!" Hoffman corrected.

Izzy stuck her tongue out. "Gross."

"Yeah, I'm going for the scary theme this year." Hoffman nodded.

"What are you being?" Zep asked Izzy.

"I'm probably gonna be Princess Peach." Izzy replied.

Hoffman gasped. "Are you gonna die your hair blonde?"

"Heck yeah!" Izzy shouted.

"I can't wait to see that." Zep said with a smile. Izzy shot him a weird look, and he shrugged and ducked back into the room.

"So what are the plans this year?" Izzy wondered aloud.

"We're probably doing a horror movie marathon again like we did last year." Hoffman suggested.

John headed up the stairs and nodded. "That's right. We're doing yet another horror movie marathon!"

"And maybe Izzy won't be a chicken this year." Zep popped back in and stuck out his tongue.

Izzy shook her head. "Of course I won't be!"

"Yeah, that Freddy Krueger movie last year was good. Can we watch that again?" Hoffman begged.

"No, because this year I've got something even better!" John said, smiling.

"A non-scary movie, I hope?" Izzy whimpered.

Zep rolled his eyes. "You know better, hon."

"Hon?" Izzy asked, arching an eyebrow. Zep simply smiled and shrugged.

"As I was saying before I was interrupted," John said, glaring at Izzy, who giggled girlishly. "This year, we're gonna watch a movie series that has six movies."

"Six?" Hoffman asked. "Damn, that's a lot."

"I know. It's called Saw or something like that." John shrugged and held up the DVD case. It said 'Saw' in creepy letters, and there was a severed foot on the front.

Izzy flinched. "Gross!"

"Very." Zep nodded.

"From what the movie store clerk told me, it's about two guys who have to like…kill the other guy or else they'll both die. And there's a dead guy somewhere in there, and the police force…I don't know. Personally, it sounds kinda weird." John explained. "Apparently I look just like this one character…I can't remember his name. But he's in like all of the movies and he's really important."

"I wish I looked just like a character." Hoffman crossed his arms and pouted.

"While you, Zep, and Hoffman go trick-or-treating, Amanda and I are planning on watching some other movie." John held up another DVD. "It's called Clay, and it's supposed to be really lame. I'm sure we'll be the judge of that."

"Can I watch that instead?" Izzy pleaded.

Hoffman shook his head. "Nope! You have to watch Saw with the rest of us."

"Fine." Izzy groaned, throwing some streamers at him.

That night, the family gathered around the TV.

"Ladies, gentlemen, and Hoffman." John announced. Hoffman rolled his eyes. "Today will be the official Young/Kramer/Hindle/Hoffman/Whatever Amy's Last Name Is premiere of Saw."

"Yay!" Amy and Izzy cheered, throwing popcorn at each other. Zep leaned against Izzy's right leg, which was dangling off the couch. Hoffman sat next to Amy, with one arm around her shoulders. Amanda sat next to Zep, with a bag of potato chips in her lap, and John had been sitting next to Amanda, but he had gotten up to put the DVD in.

"Is everyone ready?" John asked, before he put the DVD into the player.

"Wait!" Hoffman raised his hand. "I have to go to the bathroom."

"Too bad." John said, putting the first movie in the DVD player, and then taking his seat next to Amanda.

The movie opened with some weird water, and then the title. A man struggled and eventually got out of a bathtub, dripping wet.

"That dude kinda looks like Adam." Zep remarked, stealing some popcorn from Izzy.

As it turned out, later in the movie, the man from the bathtub, as well as another man, it was revealed that their names were Adam and Lawrence.

"Weird." John commented. From then on, no one spoke a word until the end of the movie. Things continued just as awkwardly throughout the other movies, until the end of the sixth.

"What. The. Hell. Was. That?" Most of the family said in sync afterwards. Then it turned into an explosion of pissed off yelling.

"I didn't die! Stupid people." That was Zep.

"They copied my ideas! These people are terrible. We should put them in a game and see what happens." That was John.

"That was nowhere near what happened to me!" That was Amanda.

"Could be worse, right?" That was Amy.

"Well, they got the jaw part right at least." That was Hoffman.

"I wasn't even in the movies! Shut up!" And then Izzy.

As soon as the yelling died down, John was the first to speak. "Personally, I think the weirdest part was that Hollywood knows more about us and our games than the FBI."

"You have a point." Hoffman nodded, taking the last of the popcorn.

"I say we burn our copies of the series and pretend that we never saw any of this." Amanda suggested.

"Deal." The others agreed.

The silence that followed was pretty awkward until Izzy broke it.

"I heard that there's gonna be a seventh coming out soon. And it's in 3D."

There was more silence.

"I'll go buy tickets online."

* * *

_Halloween Night_

"We're home!" Izzy shouted triumphantly, Hoffman and Zep following. Izzy was wearing a pink dress, red heels, white gloves, and a crown. As promised, her hair was dyed blonde. Hoffman was in what looked like a giant blob with mini purple blobs stuck to it, and Zep wasn't dressed up because someone had to cart the two crazies around the entire neighborhood.

"How's Clay going?" Hoffman asked. He looked towards the screen and there was a young boy with long brown hair running around.

"Weird." Amanda commented.

Izzy and Zep caught up in time to see a young girl with dark hair and a chubby face peek out of a door, look at the boy for a moment, and then close the door.

"Funny, that girl kind of looks like you when you were younger." John said with a smirk.

"Yeah, weird." Izzy shrugged before she headed upstairs.

* * *

**A/N: **Happy Saw VII Day! PS, even though Clay is an awful movie, go check it out because I'm in it ;)


	28. BELLSFIEL7!

My Life: B-E-L-L-S-F-I-E-L-7

John and Amanda had left for the week. It was their tenth anniversary and they felt the need to take a week off from everything. They figured that Hoffman and Zep could drop everything to watch over Izzy, and they did without a choice. But on Saturday, they were out of ideas for what to do with her. That's why Izzy found herself lying on the floor watching Zep and Hoffman play in a Super Smash Brothers Brawl Tourney.

"I swear, these level nine computers are the death of me." Zep grumbled. On the screen, a red Link was in a tight battle with Bowser.

"Could be worse." Izzy rolled over so she was lying on her back. "You could be Hoffman who lost to a level 2."

The tourney ended later with Zep in second place. He had lost to a level nine Peach.

"Peach is the most kickbutt character in Brawl. Admit it." Izzy said with a laugh.

Hoffman groaned and sunk down on the couch. "How many more Brawl tournaments are we gonna play? This is getting old, quick."

"Like fifty." Zep said sarcastically. "Get over yourself."

'_He's climbing in your windows, he's snatching your people up, trying to-'_

Hoffman picked up his cell phone. "Daddy G! What's up?" Izzy and Zep turned to look at him, trying not to laugh. "Say what? That's great! I'll tell Z and I. Talk to you soon."

"What was that all about?" Zep asked.

"Good news guys," Hoffman shouted. "Lawrence has tickets to a Bellsfield game!"

Izzy sat up. "You're kidding, right? Don't joke with me, Hoff."

"You know how much we love college American football." Zep added.

Hoffman smiled and shook his head. "Put some yellow on, and let's get going!"

Lawrence and Adam pulled up in their car about half an hour later, and it took an insane one hour long ride to get there.

"We haven't seen you guys in forever!" Zep exclaimed while in the car. "How have you guys been doing?"

"Pretty well." Adam responded. "Taking care of Diana whenever Alison isn't being a bitch, the usual."

"And how have you and Izzy been?" Lawrence teased. "Have you two hooked up yet?"

Izzy crossed her arms bitterly. "In your words, 'I don't think so.'"

Adam cracked up. Lawrence and Hoffman huffed and ignored her. Zep just buried his head in his hands.

Conversation topics for the rest of the ride consisted of Boston, why they thought Bellsfield would totally suck this time, reasons why Adam and Lawrence should be on the Kiss Cam, and why the mascot of the team was a lemon named Lennie. They got there about five minutes before the game started, found their seats, and got pumped.

"This is gonna be awesome!" Hoffman and Izzy shouted together.

"They're gonna lose." Zep crossed his arms and smirked.

"Lighten up!" Adam nudged him and laughed.

Lawrence smiled at all of them but then shushed them. "They're about to sing the National Anthem."

After the whole introduction, the game started. It started out pretty well. Bellsfield had scored two touchdowns, the gang was having fun, and all-together, this looked like it would be an awesome game.

Then the Kiss Cam came on.

Of course, Adam and Lawrence were the first ones on.

"Thank God the KC doesn't discriminate against gay couples." Zep said, turning to Izzy. "I probably would've stabbed someone."

Lawrence cupped Adam's face in his hands and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. Everyone in the crowd awww'd.

A few other couples followed, and they were honestly adorable. But no one could prepare for what happened next.

Hoffman pointed at the screen. "Izzy, Zep, look, you're on!"

Izzy and Zep turned to the screen and realized that they were on the Kiss Cam.

Some various people in the crowd starting chanting 'Kiss, kiss!'

"I won't do it!" Zep shouted back. Izzy took a nervous, deep breath in.

Finally, Zep caved. He turned to Izzy, ran his hands through her hair and pulled her in. Not knowing what to do, Izzy followed along and soon enough, Zep pressed his lips to hers. Everyone awww'd like they did for Adam and Lawrence, even though it seemed a little strange. The screen faded and went back to the game, but the pair stayed the way they were. Even after Hoffman nudged Zep, they remained with their lips tightly locked. It took a little bit for Izzy to finally push him away and turn away from Zep. Following the awkward kiss, Hoffman suggested getting food. Not knowing where else she could go, Izzy followed him.

"I'll take a bag of M&M's, a hot dog, and a water bottle." Hoffman said to the perky young woman behind the counter.

"Sure!" She cheered.

The lady in the line next to us turned towards Hoffman. "Funny, you look and sound just like this guy from my favorite movie."

"Don't tell me." Izzy cut in. "Is it Saw?"

"I get that a lot." Hoffman said with a smirk.

The woman extended her hand. "My name's Allana. Nice to meet you."

Hoffman shook it. "Nice to meet you too."

Izzy looked at her outfit. "I see you're supporting the other team." She commented.

"Well, I just moved here last month, but I grew up there. I guess I didn't have a choice." Allana said, shrugging. "By the way, I didn't catch your name."

"Drew." Hoffman cut in before Izzy could say anything. "And she's Gabby." Izzy looked up at Hoffman and laughed. "Do you want to come sit with us?"

"I'm sure you'll get some weird looks, but it'll be okay." Izzy shrugged.

Allana agreed, and after getting their food, the three headed back to the seats.

"Hey look, fresh meat!" Adam joked as Allana entered with Hoffman and Izzy.

"Very funny." Hoffman rolled his eyes. "Allana, the stupid one is Matt, his boyfriend is Clark, and sulky over there is Alex." Lawrence shot Hoffman a questioning look, but Hoffman shook his head and mouthed 'Follow along.'

"Hey, I saw you two on the kiss cam!" Allana pointed at Adam and Lawrence, then to Zep. "And you were on there with Gabby!"

Izzy sat down next to Hoffman and looked in the other direction. Just as things got awkwardly quiet between the group, Bellsfield got a first down. Everyone stood up and cheered.

"B-E-L-L-S-F-I-E-L-7!" Hoffman and Izzy cheered.

"Why do you guys always add some nonsense to the end when everyone spells the team's name?" Lawrence asked.

"We're cool, shut up." Hoffman replied.

After a long game, it finally ended in overtime with Bellsfield winning.

"Sorry we crushed your team." Izzy apologized.

"Eh, it's no big deal." Allana brushed it off. "It was nice meeting you guys. I'll try to stay in touch. You have my number, right Gabby?" Izzy nodded. "Great. See you around!"

It seemed that she was the only thing holding the group together, because after she left, things got fairly awkward. The drive home was eerily quiet, and seemed to last forever. When they got home, things got even worse.

"So…about that kiss…" Hoffman began, but Izzy and Zep stormed off in separate directions.

* * *

**A/N: **DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG I'VE BEEN WAITING TO WRITE THAT? Anyways, Bellsfield is completely fictional, and it represents the local college team for the gang. Huge shout out to Allana, but I promise that this is the last friend I'm putting in a story! (Psh, watch me break it in like 2 chapters...)


	29. Awkward Dinner FTW!

My Life: Awkward Dinner FTW!

"Deck the halls with lots of traps, falalalalalalalala! 'Tis the season to be game-y, falalalalalalalala!" Izzy sang out while decorating the plastic Christmas tree.

John rounded the corner and stared at Izzy. "Are you okay?"

"It's Christmas, Dad, how could I not be okay?" Izzy cheered, taking a red ornament out of a box.

Amanda smirked as Zep slumped down the stairs. "You could be him." She said, pointing at the dejected family-member-friend who sat down on the couch holding a mug of tea. Izzy's face fell as she turned away from him to put the ornament on the tree.

"Hey Izzy, don't forget to put my muffin ornament that I made last year near the top!" Hoffman shouted from the office.

"You know I can't reach that high, dipshit!" She shouted back.

"Zep, why don't you help Izzy out with the decorations?" Amanda suggested, nudging him.

Zep looked up at her with eyes that said 'Go-to-hell'. "I'd really rather not."

"What about Hoffman?" John asked. "What's he doing in the office anyways?"

"Playing 625 Sandwich Stacker." Hoffman's voice floated into the living room.

Izzy squealed and jumped up and down. "I love that game!"

John shook his head and sighed. "You're really giving up a good family moment to play a game on the Disney website?" He shot Izzy a look before she could say anything.

"I would do anything to get out of this house…" Zep mumbled.

"That's why I slashed your tires!" Amanda said cheerfully.

Zep's eyes widened. "You what?" Amanda shouted something back, and it turned into a full-blown argument. Izzy snuck away and pulled her cell phone out, dialing speed dial number twelve.

"Hello?" A voice answered after two rings.

"Rocky…help." Izzy said quietly.

"What's going on in the background?"

"Zep and Amanda. Want to bring your parents over? They'll distract my family."

Rocky paused for a moment. "Alright. I'll be over in five."

John ended up preparing dinner, and as if on cue, the doorbell rang once he had just finished making everything.

"Oh my, I wonder who it is?" Izzy asked out loud, clearly fake.

"Shut up and open the door." Someone shouted from outside. Amanda jumped in front of Izzy and opened the door. The voice that had shouted arched an eyebrow. "Mrs. Kramer. Nice to see you again." Strahm said with a slight smirk.

Perez pouted. "I thought you saved the sexy smirk for me?" Rocky, who had been standing behind them the entire time, nudged her with his foot. Perez nodded and smiled again.

"Nice timing! John just finished dinner. I'm sure he won't mind some more mouths to feed." Amanda informed them. John shouted something from the kitchen, but Amanda ignored it and told him blatantly where his complaints could go.

Izzy grabbed Rocky's hand and lead him into the kitchen, where Hoffman was banging on metal pots and pans with a spoon, Zep was being an angsty bitch, and John was grumbling about having to make more food. "Ignore the two angsty bitches and the meathead on the floor. It's a pretty typical thing around this house, you know?"

"I'm surprised no one is suggesting that we go rape each other." Rocky shrugged.

"I made chicken." John said to Strahm and Perez. "If you don't like it, then your complaints can go to the same place as mine did." The two looked at each other, shrugged, and then found a place to sit down.

After dinner, as soon as Hoffman started singing, everyone split. Strahm and Perez went with Amanda, who was telling them all about the Saw movies. Zep sulked off somewhere upstairs, John went outside to get the mail which he had totally neglected for the past few days, and Izzy and Rocky went to Izzy's room.

"Make sure to leave the door open!" John shouted after the two, who ignored him but followed his instructions.

"So what's the deal with Zep?" Rocky asked, sitting down against the wall.

Izzy looked off into the distance, as if trying to recall the memory back. "Well, it all kind of started at this American football game a while back." Izzy attempted to explain the story as best she could, but just couldn't bring herself to telling him about the kiss.

"But I still don't-" All of a sudden, Izzy heard a noise, and made a sudden movement. Grabbing Rocky by the front of his shirt, she kissed him on the lips. The kiss lasted for about five seconds before Izzy pushed him away and looked into the doorway to see Zep standing there, in the same position he had been before the kiss started.

"Hi Zep." Izzy said dryly. Zep shook his head and ran out of the room, sobbing.

"I don't understand what the hell just happened." Rocky said softly, wiping his lips. "By the way, your lips tasted like…fruit?"

Izzy smirked and crossed her arms. "Lip gloss, kid. But anyways, I got kinda scared and almost sort of wanted to…"

"Make Zep jealous?" Rocky finished her sentence.

"No. Well, yes. No, wait…" Izzy looked down at the floor.

Rocky smirked and held onto Izzy's chin and pulled her face to eye level. "You need to face facts now, Izzy. You have feelings for Zep."

"Do not!" Izzy pushed herself away from Rocky.

"Rocky, we're going home. Either you're coming with us, or walking home." Strahm shouted from downstairs. Rocky nodded at Izzy, and then headed downstairs. It took Izzy a while to get out of that spot and head back downstairs to be with her family-and to take the pots and pans away from Hoffman.

But right before Izzy went to bed, she stopped in the game room, which was being renovated into another bedroom. Zep had been staying there. She knocked on the door, and when Zep looked up, he nearly jumped.

"You don't look anything like yourself." He mumbled. It was true because Izzy had changed into her pajamas-a pair of fleece plaid pajama pants and a grey camisole. Zep was simply in the clothes he had been wearing all day. A red sweatshirt, a white undershirt, and jeans.

"Clearly you've never watched me sleep before." Izzy said, laughing a bit and walking in. "That's good. It means you're not like Edward Cullen."

"Who says I haven't? Remember Boston?" Zep smirked.

Izzy made a face and crossed her arms. "I wish I didn't." She sat down on the couch next to Zep. "So, about earlier."

"Just drop it." Zep said flatly. "It's one of those things that are better off left alone."

"Are you sure?" Izzy said softly. This was a rare moment for her, because she was speaking in her gentle voice that almost showed compassion and the real Elizabeth that hid behind a mask that was her insanity. For once, things felt right.

Zep sighed. "I'm absolutely positive."

"See you in the morning, then." Izzy said. But before she left, she gave Zep a hug. A real hug.

Maybe things would turn out okay.

* * *

**A/N: **Everybody go 'awwww'! Maybe, if you guys review a lot, the magical Fanfiction Fairy will add a nice, adorable moment for Izzy and Zep in the next chapter ;) But if you don't, then the Fairy will break into your house and eat your cookies before Santa can get there. Take that!


	30. Sledding Happy Fun Time

My Life: Sledding Happy Fun Time

"Here's the mail, it never fails, it makes me wanna wag my tail, when it comes, I wanna wail," Hoffman sang as he danced around the house holding the day's mail. "MAAAAAAIIIIL!"

John plucked the envelopes from Hoffman's hands. "Now that you're done singing Blue's Clues, let's see what we have." He shuffled through the various letters. "Bills, bills, junk, bills, magazine, and a letter addressed to Gabby Fisher."

"Ooh, it's for me?" Izzy leaped up from the couch and grabbed the letter. "It's from Chris McLean and others. Poor Peter and Chef."

"Anything else?" Hoffman asked, peering over John's shoulder.

"Yeah, you got another letter from Allana. I think it's cute that she's like your little pen pal now." John handed him the small envelope.

"So when are you going to tell her that you have a girlfriend?" Amanda piped up from across the room.

Hoffman smirked and raised an eyebrow teasingly. "Who says I have to?"

"You sneaky bastard!" Amanda joked as Hoffman shrugged and headed into the office.

Zep rounded into the living room after coming down the stairs. "What's all the excitement?"

"Snow day!" Izzy cheered, spinning around.

Zep peered out the window and realized that he could barely see anything outside. Snow was practically piling up to the top of the window. "Holy…what are you guys planning on doing?"

"Not sure yet." John responded. "I was about to ask for suggestions."

"Hey, where's Hoffman?" Izzy asked, looking around. Amanda pointed in the direction of the office.

"Hoffman, quit playing that stupid sandwich game and get out here!" John hollered. Hoffman slid out of the office and starting whining.

"I wasn't playing Sandwich Stacker this time! I was playing Robot Unicorn Attack! I'm ranked second out of all my Facebook friends!"

"Really?" Zep asked. "Second?"

"That's only because a, he doesn't have a lot of Facebook friends, and b, the only score below him is John, who played once, decided it was stupid, then gave up." Amanda replied before Hoffman could say something cocky.

"Then who's first?" Zep asked, looking around. Izzy raised her hand. "Really? You are?"

"Yeah, but I'm ranked fifth out of my friends. It's not that special." She responded, sitting back down on the couch.

John crossed his arms and sighed. "We still haven't decided what we're doing today that doesn't involve Robot Unicorn Attack." Hoffman raised his hand. "Or Sandwich Stacker." Hoffman raised his hand higher. "Or baking muffins." Hoffman grumbled and put his hand back down.

"Let's go sledding!" Zep suggested.

"Sledding!" Izzy and Hoffman screeched.

John and Amanda covered their ears. "Sledding sounds like a nice change of pace. A good family building activity."

"I'll go get the sleds!" Hoffman shouted excitedly, rushing to the garage. Within fifteen minutes, everyone was dressed warmly, outside, and waiting for John to instruct them to go. Everyone was prepared for a race.

"On your marks, get set," John began, gripping tightly onto his saucer. Amanda clutched on her red sled and leaned forward. Zep kicked some of the snow off of his boots and brushed off his dark blue plastic sled. Izzy shifted her weight back and forth on both feet and shook her purple saucer back and forth. Hoffman looked up at the sky, holding his Hannah Montana sled in front of him. "Go!"

The five of them leaped forward and took off in a race from the top of the hill on their front yard to the bottom of the hill. Hoffman slowed to a stop within a few seconds and struggled to push himself forward. Zep and John were neck in neck with Izzy right behind, and Amanda slightly slower. The two men made quick eye contact, but turned back to the front just in time to see Amanda rocket forward and across the road.

"I win! I win!" Amanda shouted, standing up and dancing around.

"I demand another race!" Hoffman shouted, still struggling to push himself forward to the end. "This one's for all the marbles."

John cocked his head. "But there wasn't a prize." He said confusedly.

"How about…" Hoffman reached into his pocket. "Twelve cents, a red paperclip, um, what do you guys have in your pockets?"

"A screw, a used tissue, and a broken pencil." John pulled out the contents of his pockets. Amanda pulled up the cover for a Coldplay CD. Izzy pulled out a tag and a Hershey's Kiss wrapper. Zep pulled out a pen cap and some confetti.

"Well, looks like this race is for all of that pointless crap." Zep said with a shrug, trudging to the top of the hill. John set them off, and as predicted, Amanda won again.

"Hoffman, I don't know why you even try anymore." Amanda laughed. Hoffman demanded at least six more races. Five were won by Amanda, and one was a tie between Amanda and Zep.

"Just face it." John said, shaking his head. "You'll never win. Might as well give up."

Hoffman drooped over and sighed. "Fine, be that way. Can we head inside and get hot chocolate?"

Everyone agreed and the group headed inside. John prepared the chocolate, and as a better prize for Amanda, he gave her extra marshmallows. "Gracias!" Amanda replied cheerily, nodding at her husband.

"So what did Allana say in her letter?" Izzy asked, taking a sip of her warm drink.

"I don't know, I never got the chance to read it." Hoffman reached forward and took the letter from the counter. "Let's see, life is going well, she misses me, not much." He said, scanning the letter. "Wait a second, did that just say that she's thinking about moving up here?"

John cracked up. "Seriously? Can I see?" Hoffman nervously handed him the letter and John read it, trying not to laugh too much. "I wonder how Amy is gonna like this."

"God, I don't even want to think about that right now." Hoffman sighed and his face fell into his hot chocolate. "Gah! Hot!"

"That's why it's called hot chocolate, stupid." Amanda smacked him in the back.

Zep chuckled and grabbed the remote for the small TV in front of them. "I wonder what's on." He pressed a button and the TV lit up.

"Ooh! True Blood! I love this show!" Amanda squeaked. "Vampires are freaking awesome."

"That Carrie Preston lady is in it." Zep smiled dazedly. "What a pretty woman. Michael Emerson is one lucky man."

"Hey, wasn't Michael Emerson that guy that played you in the movies?" John asked.

"And he plays Ben Linus too!" Izzy screeched, clapping. "What a hottie!"

John shook his head, looking at Zep. "Meh, I don't see a resemblance. They should've cast based on that."

Zep shrugged and pressed another button.

* * *

**A/N: **Happy one year anniversary to possibly one of the only things I've been able to stick with for an entire year :) It's crazy how much things have changed. I hope my writing style has improved a bit since the beginning at least. I'm literally too embarassed to look at my old ones because of how bad they are. Now please, please, please guys, I **really** want you to do this. Send me a PM with how you think I should improve this story, and be TOTALLY HONEST. Not like 'The story's perfect! Don't do anything!' unless you completely honestly feel that way. If there's something you think I should fix, tell me! Thanks so much for an amazing year!


	31. It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Xmas

My Life: It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas

'_Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house_

_Not a creature was stirring, except for Hoffman, who just dropped a present on his foot, and Zep who was yelling at him._

"Damnit Mark, you're gonna wake up the whole rest of the house!" Zep shouted at Hoffman, who was slowly picking up the present.

_The stockings were hung by the chimney with not much care, because John couldn't be bothered to decorate_

_In hopes that the rest of the family remembered to buy presents this year. Obviously no one believed in Santa Claus anymore._

Hoffman looked around in the silence. "Seems like it didn't manage to wake anyone up."

_Izzy and the rest were all snug in their beds_

_While visions of Nyquil penguins danced in their heads. At least John had them; he was having a bit of trouble sleeping._

"Stupid penguins…" John mumbled sleepily, tossing and turning. "No, stay away from those pancakes!"

_And Amanda in her skimpy Victoria's Secret pajamas, and Izzy wearing one of Zep's sweatshirts_

_Had just settled their brains for a long winter's nap._

Hoffman went to put another present under the tree, when he dropped it and it fell on his foot yet again. "Sweet deep-fried muffins on a stick!"

_When down by the tree there arose such a clatter,_

_Izzy lazily slouched up from her bed to see what was the matter._

_Down the stairs, she slumped like a slug,_

_Practically tripping and falling on the rug._

"Way to go, Hoff." Zep said, face palming himself. "You woke Izzy up."

_She was still very tired, annoyed with the snow,_

_Barely noticing the two idiots below._

_When what to Izzy's tired eyes should appear,_

_A stern-looking Zep, and Hoffman wearing footie pajamas adorned with reindeer._

"Sorry for waking you up, Izzy. Hoffman's too gay to function." Zep said, looking over at Hoffman.

Hoffman gasped. "Hey, it's only funny when Strahm says it! And John, and Erickson, and…pretty much everyone else."

_With a little insanity, like everyone else,_

_Izzy knew in a moment that this Christmas would be far from normal._

_More rapid than eagles, Hoffman gave her a bone crushing hug,_

_While Zep tried to hide Izzy's presents the best he could._

"Hoffman, if you don't let go of me, I'm going to stab you." Izzy mumbled.

"No you won't!" Hoffman giggled.

"_Zep, Zep, go get some hot coffee._

_I think we might need it for this situation."_

_As quick as Santa's sleigh through the night,_

_Hoffman jumped away from Izzy and backed against the wall._

"Works every time." Izzy said with a proud nod.

_As snowflakes fluttered about the blizzard sky,_

_Izzy knows that when she meets an obstacle, she'll karate chop it and move on._

_So wandering up to the two, the crazies, she walked,_

_With a deranged looking smile and her hand ready too._

"Izzy, you should head back to sleep. It's way too early." Zep said, almost a little worried as Izzy inched towards the pair.

But Hoffman was focused more on what was on the ceiling, and he slowly backed away further, leaving Izzy and Zep still standing under the lower part of the ceiling.

_And then, in a moment, Izzy heard Hoffman giggle._

_His crazy giggle that made children cry, and sometimes Amanda too._

_As Izzy and Zep looked up to see what Hoffman was doing,_

_They realized that he was pointing towards the ceiling._

"Hoffman, what the hell is wrong with you?" Zep asked, his face moving into that distinct face he made when he was utterly confused. But since Hoffman was still pointing, the two caved and looked up.

_It was easily recognizable, its signature green,_

_No, not marijuana, you idiots!_

_It was the lovely mistletoe, and you know the tradition,_

_But poor Izzy and Zep (Along with you readers) were probably sick of the kissing._

Izzy sighed and pouted. "Do I really have to kiss Zep again?"

"It's a holiday tradition!" Hoffman whined. Zep just shrugged, smiled, and nodded. Izzy looked up at Zep for a moment.

_His eyes, they were dark, yet happy._

_His face attempting to smile, his hair like-_

**Lawrence, get on with the damn story!**

_Don't kill the storyteller! Sheesh._

Izzy rolled her eyes and kissed Zep on the lips for about one second, and then pulled away.

"_I don't see what the big deal is," Izzy bared her teeth at Hoffman._

_Zep smiled dazedly and backed into a wreath._

_Hoffman shrugged and grabbed Izzy, ready to shove her upstairs,_

_But Izzy frowned and protested, completely unprepared._

"Do I have to go to bed now, Hoff?" Izzy asked, whining.

Hoffman nodded. "You should also probably give Zep his sweatshirt back. It's only moderately creepy that you sleep with his sweatshirts on." Izzy stuck her tongue out at him and stalked upstairs.

_Short and insane, a right crazy young girl,_

_They laughed and watch her go, in spite of themselves._

_A wink of her eye before she left,_

_The two men shrugged and headed back to their life._

_They spoke not a word as they finished their gift placing,_

_Filled all of the stockings, and grabbed a muffin or two._

_Tired, cranky, and done with their work,_

_The two headed upstairs to finish their sleep._

"That was actually a pretty close summary of what happened last night." Izzy said, laughing.

"You guys have more fun than my mom and I do." Diana flipped through a magazine and drew stupid things on celebrities with permanent marker.

"And Izzy did kind of nearly kick my ass…" Hoffman said sheepishly. Zep shook his head and laughed.

Lawrence beamed as Adam came out from the kitchen, dressed as Santa Claus. "Ho ho ho! Who wants a candy cane?"

"I do! I do!" Izzy, Diana, and Hoffman shouted.

"One for you, Diana Gordon. One for Izzy Young-Kramer." Adam handed out the candy canes to the eager friends. "Four for Zep Hindle, you go Zep Hindle! And none for Mark Hoffman, okay bye." Adam popped back into the kitchen as the rest of the family laughed.

_The family laughed as Hoffman felt like a fool._

_Holidays at the Gordon's were always too cool._

_And the family smiled as Adam shouted to the night,_

"_Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"_

* * *

**A/N: **Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Merry Kwanzaa, whatever you celebrate :) I don't like this chapter, but oh well, I'll get on with it XD Happy holidays, ya'll!

PS: Mean Girls reference ;)


	32. Budgies Don't Like Nuts

My Life: Budgies Don't Like Nuts

"No, no, no, a thousand times no!" John shouted, waving the DVD away from his face. Hoffman pulled it back, looking slightly dejected.

"Does that mean we can't watch the Mermaid Barbie movie either?" Hoffman asked, pouting.

John crossed his arms and bitterly shook his head. "I told you we were narrowing Guys Movie Night down to either The Birds or Inception."

"Pft, it's not a guys movie night if you can't watch Rapunzel Barbie." Hoffman groaned, flopping back down on the couch. "Whose idea was this anyway?"

"Mine." Zep jumped up from the couch. "After Izzy and Amanda decided that rock climbing would be girls only…we had to make other plans."

Hoffman huffed. "Well my vote is for Inception."

"And I'm voting for The Birds." Zep added just to oppose Hoffman. "That means John's our tie-breaker."

"Hm…" John paused for a moment. "Sorry Mark, but I'd have to go with The Birds." He grabbed the DVD and put it into the player while Hoffman mumbled under his breath annoyedly.

Izzy and Amanda came home around eleven. They were practically falling over each other in laughter, and Izzy was carrying a small cage with a blanket covering it.

"Hey, there are my two favorite girls!" John was pouring a cup of coffee in the kitchen as the two walked in. "How was rock climbing?"

"It was awesome! Izzy was a lot better than she gives herself credit for." Amanda nudged Izzy and smiled.

"Other than the fact that I nearly died about seventy times." Izzy muttered, setting the cage on the counter and walking away.

Amanda laughed and called after her. "It was only fifty!"

"What's in the cage?" John asked, lifting up the blanket. Underneath it was a small bird peering back at him. "Ack!" He jumped back and frowned. "What the fuck?"

"It's a parakeet!" Amanda squealed. "Well, some people call it a budgie, but I call it a parakeet."

"Where the hell did you get a fucking budgie from?" Zep asked, wandering into the kitchen.

"Well, while we were rock climbing, we ran into this random noob." Amanda explained. "He was 'starting over his life' and all that shit. So he was getting rid of some stuff."

"That's a good philosophy." John nodded, leaning against the counter and crossing his arms.

"But anyway, one of the things he was giving away was this budgie named Raymond. So Izzy and I took him." Amanda finished.

"Who was the guy you got him from?" Zep asked, poking his fingers in the cage.

"No idea…" Amanda realized, staring off into space.

Izzy rounded the corner and came back into the kitchen. "His name was Bobby. Bobby Dagen."

Everyone else in the kitchen did a double take. "Bobby Dagen?"

"Yeah, why?" Izzy responded.

"Oh God…not the dumbass SURVIVE guy." John moaned. "Is he doing another tour again?"

"The dumbass what-now guy?" Izzy asked. "You mean that was the guy you were talking about?"

Amanda nodded grimly. "Well this is just fucking wonderful."

"Hey guys, how a-" Hoffman wandered into the kitchen but fell over once he saw the bird. "What the fuck is that thing doing here?"

"It's…a budgie." Izzy said slowly.

"It's a fucking bird. And it's gonna fucking attack me." Hoffman backed into a wall and started sobbing.

Zep cracked up. "You didn't think that stupid bird movie was real, did you?"

"What bird movie?" Amanda asked, slightly tilting her head in confusion.

"The Birds by Alfred Hitchcock. While you guys were out, we watched it. Hoffman's been losing his shit over it ever since." John explained, trying to keep a straight face.

Izzy grinned and let Raymond out of his cage. "Go! Attack! Go!" The bird flew out of its cage and perched itself on Zep's shoulder.

"Hey there, little guy." Zep cooed.

"No!" Izzy shrieked, annoyed. "That's not what you're supposed to do!" She pointed over at Hoffman, who was cowering in the corner.

"I think you're just jealous that the bird likes me better." Zep teased, holding out his finger as the bird flew onto it. "Does the little bird want some nuts?"

Amanda shook her head. "No, budgies don't like nuts."

"What do these damn things eat anyways? Did Boob give you any food?" John asked, using a nickname for Bobby.

"I have no idea." Amanda checked her bag. "He probably said something about food but neither of us were paying attention…" She admitted shamefully.

"Great, now we have to go to some damn pet store and figure this all out…" John groaned, rubbing his head.

"It'll be like an adventure!" Izzy cheered, prodding Raymond, who was still on Zep's finger.

Hoffman looked up at the family. "There is no way in hell that we're keeping that demon!"

"Aw come on, it's cute!" Zep moved his finger and Raymond closer to Hoffman, who squeaked in fear and tried to back further away, but ended up hitting the wall.

"But it'll kill me!" Hoffman whined, trying to shove Zep's finger away. Raymond chirped and jumped onto Hoffman's shoulder. Hoffman screamed. "I said get that bloody thing away from me!"

Izzy held out her finger and Raymond jumped onto it. "I think we've tortured poor Marky enough today." She cooed to the bird, putting him back in his cage.

"Thank God…" Hoffman panted, tears streaming down his face.

"We really should go to the pet store sometime tomorrow though." Amanda said. "And maybe the vet."

"Hooray!" Izzy and Zep cheered at the same time.

"I'm gonna go Google some shit about budgies online. Maybe that'll help." John mumbled, sulking off to the office. Zep cheerfully followed him, leaving Amanda and Izzy in the kitchen with Hoffman still cowering in the corner.

"If Izzy takes Ray up to her room, will you stop cowering?" Amanda asked, smirking.

"Yes…yes please." Hoffman whimpered.

Izzy narrowed her eyes and grinned. "No, wait. Not yet. I like having this power over him." She sashayed over to Hoffman and gave him an innocent smile. "I'll take the bird upstairs on one condition. You give me muffin access for a week."

"Nooo!" Hoffman shouted.

"Alright, then I'll just take Ray out of his cage an-" Izzy began, but was interrupted.

"No, that isn't necessary. Fine, whatever you say." Hoffman squealed, panicked.

Izzy giggled and nodded, skipping off and taking the cage with her. Hoffman finally stood up and sighed.

"Are you really that afraid of birds?" Amanda asked, walking over to him.

"I'll get over it…eventually." He sighed, looking down at the floor.

"Whatever you say." Amanda shrugged, walking a few steps away behind his back, but quickly running back and chirping in his ear, sending Hoffman running off. "Priceless." She said, leaving the kitchen.

* * *

**A/N: **What? An update? What is this insanity? Sorry guys, I've been super busy. The SAW roleplay on Facebook has sort of consumed my life...heh. But thanks to Amy for the idea, I was totally stuck. Raymond will probably be a recurring character/birdy funtime friend. If you guys want to send me ideas, feel free to, even though I already know what I'm doing for the next chapter. PS: There's a mrweebl reference hiding in here...


	33. This I Swear By the Muffins!

My Life: This I Swear By the Muffins

Izzy was sitting on the couch in the den, chewing a Rice Krispie treat and watching Christmas Vacation. A bleak, rainy September Saturday certainly isn't too early for Christmas movies, you know. Suddenly, her father ran into the house, gasping for air.

"Izzy!" He screeched.

Izzy turned the DVD off and set her food down. "Hidey ho, daddy-o!" She said enthusiastically.

"No time for jokes now. We have a law issue." John scampered around the house, hiding all of his trap designs and anything Jigsaw-related.

"I thought Hofferz, Perez, and Strahm were covering for us?" Izzy asked, confused.

"Not the FBI." John said, panicked. "There's a new guy in town. He's not on the police force. He's a vigilante, but not like us."

Izzy tilted her head quizzically. "So he's after us now?"

"Yeah. Help me hide stuff!" John shouted at Izzy, stashing a few things in a closet. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. Izzy let out a frightened shriek. "Shit…it's him. You get the door. I'll finish hiding things. Remember; deny everything!"

Izzy slowly crept to the door and opened it. Before her stood an old man with a top hat, a nightstick, and a very old-fashioned coat. "Er…hello."

"Hello." The man responded. He had a very cold, almost robotic voice. He had an accent that was unrecognizable and spoke with perfect diction. "You are Elizabeth Young-Kramer, correct?"

"Um…er…" Izzy began to panic. "I DENY!" She screeched before slamming the door in his face.

John approached Izzy after hiding his things. "That's not what I meant by deny everything…" He sighed, opening the door again. "Hi, excuse my insane daughter. Izzy's a bit…off."

"Yes, I can tell." The man walked into their house, took off his boots, and set his nightstick down next to them.

"Er, of course you can come into our house…" John muttered under his breath.

The man sat down on the couch in the living room and folded his hands in his lap. "Now, you are Mr. John Kramer, correct?" He asked, pulling a small pad of paper, some ink, and a feather quill from the inside of his coat.

"Yes, I am. Why do you ask?" John asked, sitting down across from the man. Izzy slowly walked into the living room and sat down next to John, shaking.

"Well, I am currently hunting another convict, but I came into town to search for him and heard rumors about this supposed Jigsaw killer…the word around town is that you may be behind this dangerous scheme." The man scribbled things down on his pad furiously.

John shook his head. "I haven't even heard of this Jigsaw fellow. Besides, I would never be connected to a cold-blooded killer, right Iz?"

Izzy nodded cautiously. "Yeah. My daddy is the nicest guy ever. Always doing things for other people. You know."

"Right…" The man nodded slowly, scribbling more things on his pad.

Just then, Hoffman strolled in the door. "Goooood afternoon mis amigos!" He stopped in his tracks as he approached the group. "Izzy, John, who in the name of muffins is this guy?"

"Er, honestly, I'm not entirely sure who this is…" John scratched the back of his neck.

The man stood up and extended his hand. "I have heard of you. You are Mark Hoffman, a fellow officer of the lawr."

"The what?" Izzy said with a smirk.

"The lawr." The man responded seriously, not aware of his strange pronunciation.

Izzy covered her mouth in an attempt to stifle a massive laugh attack, but failed. "Honey, I think you should go upstairs…" John said, rolling his eyes. Izzy nodded and dashed upstairs. As soon as she got into her room, she burst into a major laughing fit that could be heard from all the way downstairs.

"Right…anyway…" Hoffman said, shaking his hand. "And you are?"

"My name is-"

"JAVERT?"

The group turned to see Amanda, who had dropped a whole bag of groceries onto the floor, staring wide-eyed at the man. "Inspector Javert!"

"Amanda Kramer? Is that you?" Javert released Hoffman's hand and walked over to Amanda.

"Javert, it's great to see you again." Amanda beamed, wrapping her arms around the Inspector, who gave her a slightly awkward one armed hug back.

John stood up. "Manda, how do you know him?"

"We were both reaching for the same book at Barnes & Noble the other day and struck up a conversation." Amanda replied, grinning.

"He isn't-"

"No, no, no, honey." Amanda shushed John by putting a finger to his lips. "You're my one and only."

"Good. Anyway," John began again. "Javert is here on business. He's investigating the Jigsaw killer." He sent a sharp glare at his wife.

Amanda bit her lower lip and nodded grimly. "I see…do you have any important questions for us?"

"Well, I believe that a woman such as you with a family as extraordinary as yours could not be involved with such a revolting crime like the Jigsaw killings." Javert responded with a smile.

John paused and cocked his head. "Is he hitting on you?" Amanda giggled and shook her head.

"While I am currently here, I would like to meet your family." Javert sat back down on the couch and looked at John.

"Well, I'm an engineer, I've lived with these crazies for quite some time now…and that's really it." John said, also sitting back down.

"You've already met me…but I'm shit at cooking and I used to play the drums." Amanda shrugged.

Izzy walked downstairs. "Ooh, my turn!" She screeched. "I have a secret love for Greek mythology, I can almost sing the whole theme song to The Big Bang Theory, I sing all the time, my favorite color is purple…"

"Now, now. We don't need your whole life story, Iz." Hoffman interrupted. "I like muffins. And that's about it."

Javert sat there for a moment in an awkward pause. "That is…very peculiar. I see. Well, it has been very nice to meet you all…" He stood up.

"Wait!" Izzy shouted. "You said your name was Javert, right? And that you were hunting down another convict?"

"Why yes," Javert responded. "I am. Why do you ask?"

"Would the name of that convict be…" Izzy stifled a grin. "Jean Valjean?"

Javert gasped. "How did you know?" He asked, his eyes widening.

"Les Mis!" Izzy screeched, jumping up and down excitedly. "Valjean, at last, we see each other plain…" She sang out.

"That musical is dreadfully inaccurate. Yes, I am hunting down Jean Valjean. But no, I have not found him, nor have I committed suicide." Javert sighed annoyedly.

Izzy pouted and Hoffman wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "It's okay Iz, you can still sing Stars all you want."

"Yay!" Izzy cheered. "Theeeeeere, out in the daaaarkneeeeess…" She began to sing, but Hoffman shushed her.

"Just, uh, not right now." He said with an awkward laugh.

Javert smiled, gave the family a quick nod, grabbed his things, and left. The family looked at each other for a moment.

"Well, that was strange." John commented.

"I guess he ate," Hoffman said, stifling a laugh. "All of his potatoes."

Everyone threw peanuts at him.

* * *

**A/N: **...*leaves this here and runs before I get trampled/tackled by Ricky*


	34. The Social Network

My Life: The Social Network

_**Steam** EYK0715 is playing Team Fortress 2._

_**Steam** HoffyMuffins is playing Portal._

_**Steam **killerinsidemanda is playing Amnesia: The Dark Descent._

_**Facebook Status Update **Mark Hoffman: I don't get it! ;_;_

"Iiiiiiizzzzzzyyyyyyy!" The high-pitched screech was heard all throughout the house. It shattered the ears of everyone that was inside, which included John, Amanda, Izzy, Zep, Adam, and Lawrence, most of whom were goofing off on their laptops, iPads, iPhones, and other electronic devices. Izzy looked up from her video game for a moment, then looked back down to find that she had been shot in-game.

"Fuck!" She shouted angrily, slamming her hand on the desk in her bedroom. Izzy paused the game. "What do you want?" She screeched back at whoever had been calling her.

"I don't get it, how do you solve this puzzle?" Hoffman whined from the living room.

"Can't you figure it out for yourself?" Izzy groaned. "I was in the middle of a game! You made me get shot!"

"Yes, I know you're playing." Hoffman said. "It popped up on my Steam notifications. So now that you're dead, can you come help me?"

"But I just respawned!"

"So? Disconnect and get your ass down here!"

"Izzy, please help Hoffman out so he'll shut the hell up." John shouted at the two of them from the kitchen as he was playing a game on his iPad. "I'm trying to focus on this intense game of Words With Friends game that I'm in with Lawrence."

_**Facebook Status Update **Lawrence Gordon: I'm so going to beat you, Johnny boy! :D_

Izzy sighed and disconnected her game. "Fine!" She mumbled obscenities under her breath as she stomped down the stairs and into the living room, where Hoffman was sitting on the couch with his Dell laptop and a juice box.

"Yay! You're helping me!" He cheered. He turned his laptop so Izzy could see what test chamber he was on. It was the first one. "Alright, so I don't get it. What am I supposed to do here?"

Izzy's left eye twitched slightly and she sighed angrily. "Hoffman, it's the first test chamber! How do you not get it? It's easy as hell!"

"But every time I step off of the button, the door closes!" Hoffman whined like a toddler. He took a quick sip of his juice box and flailed his legs.

"That's what the cube is for." She growled, pointing at the box that was sitting in the room. "You have to pick it up and put it on the box."

_**Twitter**_ _mandaybabe2: My daughter is trying to help our idiot friend with Portal. Priceless!_

"Oh, that's what you do?" He took his computer back and did exactly what she said. The door opened and he went through it. "Well who would've thought? Thanks, Iz!"

"You're welcome, moron." Izzy turned and started to head back upstairs. As soon as she got to the top of the stairs, Hoffman whined again.

"Iiiiiizzzzzzyyyyyy...how do you do this test chamber?"

Izzy turned abruptly and screamed down the stairs. "I'm not helping you! Just look it up online!" She then charged into her room and slammed the door.

**_Text Message_ **_New Message from Izzy Young-Kramer: Help me. My uncle doesn't know how to play Portal and won't SHUT THE HELL UP._

**_Text Message _**_New Message from Tyler Wind: haha sucks for you! did you try helping him?_

**_Text Message _**_New Message from Izzy Young-Kramer: Yes, I did! But he still doesn't get it._

**_Text Message _**_New Message from Tyler Wind: sorry, i dont know what to tell you..._

Hoffman pulled out his iPhone and attempted to look up a guide, grumbling and groaning the whole time. Just when the house fell fairly quiet and everyone was sure that they could play in peace...

**"AHHHHHHHHHH! FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY FUCKING LIFE!"**

Everyone ran from where they were to John and Amanda's bedroom, where Amanda was cowering in the corner with her laptop a foot or so away from her. "Oh God, make it stop, make it stop, make it stop, stop, stop!" She whimpered.

John rushed to his wife's side immediately. "Manda baby, is everything okay?"

"The-the monster charged at me. The fucking thing with no jaw and..." She shuddered. "Just make it stop!"

_**AIM **JTuck09: Hey, sorry I couldn't come over today, Iz. I didn't want to risk anything with Amanda. What am I missing?_

_**AIM**__glimmermuffins: She's cowering in the corner._

_**AIM **JTuck09: Amanda? Why?_

_**AIM **glimmermuffins: She was playing Amnesia._

_**AIM **JTuck09: Oh...gotcha. :/_

"Mom, I told you that game was scary. I had nightmares for at least a week after playing it." Izzy reminded her mother of the warnings she had previously given to her.

"Ooh, were you at the part where the guy was like 'Oh shit, I have a bag of Milky Ways!'?" Hoffman asked, remembering a video that Izzy had shown him about a month ago.

Izzy picked up the laptop and examined the screen. "From the looks of it, I believe so."

"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you, Izzy..." Amanda said shakily, still shivering. "God, I'm definitely done with that game for a while." She turned her laptop off and sighed.

_**Twitter **hellomrhindle: Amanda just got pwned by a video game! Lol!_

_**Twitter **mandaybabe2: hellomrhindle SHUT UP._

Zep looked out of the window in the bedroom. "You know, I just love how it's a perfectly nice day outside, and we're spending the day on video games, Facebook, and all those other fun sites." Outside, it was sunny and warm, just around sixty degrees, which was good for the area they lived in.

"Hey, we have whoever created social media to thank for that." Izzy replied, pulling out her iPhone and checking her notifications, demonstrating a perfect example of what Zep had said just a few moments ago.

_**Foursquare** Izzy Young-Kramer checked into 'Insanity House'._

* * *

Somewhere deep in New York City, two men were sitting at a computer, looking at the screen, which held cameras on a family that looked generally basic with a few added on family friends. But they had knowledge that there was something more to them than that. The rougher looking one, a tall man with a muscular build turned to the other man, who was shorter and not as in shape as the other. "You hear that?" The tougher man said, his voice a low grumble. "They're talking about who invented social media."

The other man nodded and shared a knowing look with his friend, an inside joke being shared between them. "Yes they are." He observed.

They were the only ones who watched and knew to watch.

* * *

Back at the Young-Kramer house, the Words with Friends showdown between John and Lawrence was coming to a close. The doctor had the final turn, and only had one letter left. "The score is tight." He told Amanda, who was watching over his shoulder. "If I can just get five points from this, I'll win! I just need to find the right place to put it." Lawrence focused in on his phone, trying to create the perfect word. "I've got it!" He place a simple one-point letter on a triple letter space next to a two-point letter, earning him five points and the game. "Aha!" He shouted, thrusting his fist into the air. "I beat you, Johnny boy!"

"I won't believe it until I see it!" John shouted from the other room. He hadn't received the move yet. After a few moments, his iPad vibrated, indicating that he had gotten the final move. When he saw it, he let out a groan. "You suck."

"I may suck, but I still won anyway." Lawrence had waltzed into the room and was doing a victory dance that involved lots of jazz hands.

"I demand a rematch!" John pressed a button on his tablet, and the new game begun. "We'll see who wins this time."

* * *

**A/N: **Hello my sweets! It's been quite some time since I've uploaded a new chapter. I'm not sure what to say here...um...the little interlude is for a potential crossover idea I have. It might work, it might not. We'll see. Either way, I hope my writing style has improved in leaps and bounds from where I was last time or even from the very first chapter. I feel like it has, at least a little. Hopefully, you can tell what I wrote months ago (the beginning of this chapter) from what I wrote just a few minutes ago. I definitely can! XD See you later, darlings.


	35. John and Amanda's Day In

My Life: John and Amanda's Day In

"Bye Momma, we're heading out!" Izzy called, waving as she headed out the door with her beloved friend, Zep Hindle.

"Bye Iz, stay safe! Don't hit anybody unless it's Hoffman!" Amanda called back. Zep sniggered and shut the door. Moments later, the car could be heard slowly but surely pulling out from the garage and down the driveway.

John popped out from another room. "Are they gone?" He asked, still holding a few nuts and bolts in his hands from game-making.

Amanda threw her hands up in the air dramatically and beamed. "We have the whole house to ourselves!" She cheered. John extended his arms as Amanda ran and threw herself into them. He spun her around a few times before setting her down on the ground.

"Hoffman working over time, Zep taking Izzy out driving, nobody stopping in to visit, this is the best day ever!" John set his things down on the counter and walked over to the sink in the kitchen to wash the oil off of his hands. "Oh, and sorry, I got a little on your jacket," he added.

Amanda twirled around a few times like a dog chasing its tail, trying to see it. "Eh, it's okay. This is kind of old anyway." She stopped and put her hands on her hips. "So what do you want to do?"

"I dunno, what do you wanna do?" John said teasingly, reaching over and tickling his wife. "In all seriousness, we could watch a movie, order some pizza, and maybe we could..." He trailed off, grinning seductively and Amanda winked back at him. "Okay, so if that's the plan, I guess I'll get on that pizza!" John grabbed the home phone in a smooth motion and dialed the number. Grinning from his good fortune, he spoke suavely. "Yes, can I order a large pizza, half pepperoni, a quarter cheese, and a quarter mushroom and olive?" John knew his family's preferences and knew that they would want a fair share of pizza later.

"...Mr. Kramer?" The voice on the other end asked.

"How did you know my..." John began to trail off before he realized who it was. "Rocky Strahm? Is that you?"

"Yeah! Hey! My parents are looking for a dinner rematch, how does tonight sound? My mom made a great casserole," Rocky added.

"That sounds, er, lovely," John replied, trying to hide his sarcasm, "but I'm afraid we already have dinner plans for-"

"Oh, it's no trouble at all! We'll stop by in about an hour when I get off of work, okay? And your pizza will be there in about fifteen minutes." With a click, Rocky hung up. John was left standing there with a dumbfounded expression on his face. Hadn't he said no? Some people don't understand the sanctity of a home.

"What was that all about?" Amanda asked. While John was ordering the pizza, she had gone upstairs and changed into a nicer outfit.

"We just got some unexpected dinner guests." As John said that, the door slammed closed in the mud room. The two froze. "Oh no," The two said in near unison.

"I'M HOOOOOOOOOOME!" Hoffman bellowed as he strode into the living room. "Hey buddies, how are things going?"

"So much for our quiet date night," Amanda muttered under her breath. Hoffman quickly grabbed her and put her into a headlock.

"It's okay, I like to think I'm decent company! I picked up groceries too!" He dashed to the kitchen and pointed dramatically at the bags. He opened one up and began to dig through it. "I got milk, watermelon, corn on the cob, cookies, canned corn, cookies, Hello Kitty fruit snacks, more canned corn, muffins..." Hoffman picked a blueberry one from the bag and took a happy chomp out of it, flashing a blue-stained grin to the couple immediately afterwards.

"Look, Hoffman, we love you and all, but could you please just-" John tried to usher him out of the house when the doorbell rang. "Goddammit, what now?" He opened the door to find Strahm, Perez, and Rocky all standing on the doorstep.

"Pastrahmi!" Hoffman shouted, throwing his muffin up in the air without thinking. He ran full speed towards Strahm and crushed him, no pun intended, in a big hug. "I missed you so so so much!" Suddenly, he looked up. "If this is a dinner party, I should call my bunnies!"

"Your bunnies?" Perez asked, taking her shoes off by the door.

"Amy and Allana! Not real bunnies. I should get real bunnies, though. And I could name them after my human-bunnies!"

Perez frowned and crossed her arms. "I don't think they'd take too kindly to being called your bunnies."

"Oh no no no no, they picked the name!" Hoffman insisted. "They're the Hoffy Bunnies! They wanted to be the Hoffy Bitches, but Izzy suggested a more feminist friendly name, whatever that means."

"Speaking of Izzy, there she is!" Rocky, holding the pizza, used his free hand to point at Izzy who was clearly trying to sneak around the chaos. She cringed at everyone turning their gaze towards her and Zep, behind her, swore under his breath.

"Iz!" Hoffman shouted gleefully, releasing Strahm. Fortunately for Izzy, the group failed to point out her messed-up hair, her poorly adjusted dress, and the fact that Zep was putting his jacket on, not taking it off. "It's definitely not a party without you."

Izzy sighed, and brushed a hand through her hair. "Well, I suppose not. Let me go to the bathroom first, then I'll come and set the table."

John was still completely dumbfounded as Hoffman pulled out his phone and dialed up Amy and Allana. Within ten minutes, the whole gang was sitting at the dining room table, eating pizza and corn. He turned to Amanda, who was sitting at his left. "How in the world did this happen to us? I've appreciated my life, yet I end up with this!"

Izzy jumped slightly in her seat and yelped. All eyes turned to her. She turned a bright red and shook her head. "Oh, uh, nothing," She stammered. As everyone looked away, Izzy shot a dirty glare at Zep, who chuckled into his hand.

Amy and Allana were biting shapes into their pizza, turning it into a contest with Hoffman as the judge. Strahm and Perez were trying to drag Amanda into a conversation about their jobs, and Izzy was getting into a silverware fight with Zep. John couldn't help mumbling to himself yet again about working on appreciating his life better so he wouldn't end up in situations like these.


End file.
